Stories Untold

Rishte ris bhee sakte hain ...

2012-02-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

I found this very funny thing on Facebook, an acquaintance had put this on their status. Funnily put but so true.

Nurturing any bond requires consistent work and both people need to invest in it or else the bond starts to disintegrate and distances give way to differences and differences defeat you completely.

My dad often talked about what I call the tall man short man theory ...

Now imagine these two as porters (I tried to find an image to describe the situation but hard luck).
So visualize them trying to carry this very heavy box full of fat books or metallic goods or some such thing. The tall guy is in front and the short guy is behind. Who will bear the maximum weight .... obviously the short guy. Now fed up with all the 'exploitation' the short guy decides to change positions and goes in front and asks the tall guy to support the load from behind, who bears the maximum burden this time .... short guy again. Tired of the unfair treatment meet-ed out to him each time for no fault of his ... this guy either lives on with the exploitation resigning to fate but living bitterly and dying bitter or he leaves this partnership leaving this other guy to figure things out for himself.

Which of the two situations are ideal??? Neither!

In an ideal world, "rishte barabar wallon mein ho to samjhaute bhee baraabar ke hote hain". For that to happen parents of the boy need to invest their energies in raising a responsible man with clear understanding that marriage is not just free sanction to accessing the women's body but an opportunity to rule her heart. To love her, to care for her, to make her feel special, to let her see how beautiful she is and how her welfare is his life's purpose. And a girl's parents need to raise her to understand that marriage is not the next obvious milestone that her parents are out to achieve to qualify for a stress free existence, nor is it ONLY about looking after the man's need for food, clothing, clean house. It is an extension of her creative expression as a nurturer. She needs to first find herself before she can find a partner, NO parents should corner their child to get married if their children are not fully prepared for it. IT IS the responsibility of PARENTS to KNOW WHEN their child is ready for sharing their life with another person.

But this ideal scenario rarely happens. Mostly I hear mothers of daughters getting into a panic the moment their daughters turn 20 something. They give all arguments about age, biological clocks, energy in raising a child, even 'enjoying with your partner' not being quite sure themselves if their daughters really understand any of it.

Honestly, the way I have nurtured my sister and stand like a solid rock each time the family rises in her welfare, I tell her she needs to enjoy her youth, always be connected with her spirit, be economically independent, know herself before she gets into a commitment, have some 'no strings attached' interaction with men before she finally decides to marry.

To my Son I will always teach, that relationships is a two way road, you do not give and take you plant and you invest, if you focus in the means the ends will automatically be right. Yo do not work in extreme instead you try to strike a win - win balance; you put your pride and ego aside, you win hearts and not arguments, you donot wallow in self pity or obsess in self love for each time you will want to 'look good', you will make your partner look bad and thats the most suffocating experience that anybody can have. You will try to be proactive, you will not shy away from your mistakes ... mistakes are good because they are your teachers, you will stand up and take responsibility for your actions and you will tell yourself that I am the gold that will burn in the fire to reach its purest form.

Putting people up on a pedestal is convenient because then they do all the dirty work and you bask in their glory, but what really works in making rock solid relationships is sharing of responsibility, working along the 'see-saw model' where both parties get to experience and enjoy the highs and the lows and both can have the option to get off whenever they want.

Destiny Dancing

2012-01-29T03:04:00.000-08:00

Dictionary definition: a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency

Very recently someone said something about destiny which I didn't quite agree with but kept quiet about. It was about A, this person said "I have full faith in A's destiny, you needn't worry, he will get what he deserves".

Firstly I do not worry, I am a conscientious mother driven by concern.

Secondly what exactly is the order for me then, am I to stop working hard to make life more meaningful for my son? Am I to sit back and take a chill pill and enjoy the dance of destiny Should it oblige.

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
William Jennings Bryan

I believe in creating my own destiny, I am not ungrateful to God for the miracles that he blesses me with but as they say "God also helps those who help themselves".

There are some people around me in my inner circle of friends and family ?? who either can not or do not wish to validate me for who I am because well they will know best why. But I read somewhere Remember: people only rain on your parade because they are jealous of your sun and tired of their shade". So whatever it is the world is offering, I accept with gratitude.

But I would like to say something to all the people who want to put their money on A's destiny...

Destiny is something not to be desired and not to be avoided. a mystery not contrary to reason, for it implies that the world, and the course of human history, have meaning.
Dag Hammarskjold

Thank you and no thank you!

Destiny does not play the primary role in our life, it does accelerate the journey when we FIRST invest our sweat, blood and life into things.

A and I will continue putting our money on our efforts and our Karma and Bhagya / destiny kaa doodh bhaat (either ways does not count)

So far we have chosen and worked towards life and will continue to do so.

But not choosing to see the reality for what it is and reducing all my hard work, slogging, to a game of destiny if that suits you ... be happy :-)

Ye Hausla kaise ruke ....

2012-01-22T04:35:00.000-08:00

A friend gave me the gift of this song.

Well I was reminded of my never say die approach, my tough and determined ways of always thinking and being in the realm of possibility, hope and faith.

Its been a tough journey last six months but phase 1 concluded on Jan 7 2012 when I returned from Patna totally healed and rejuvenated for a second inning.

Ever since G and I have immersed ourselves in a spiritual spa of sorts ... a gift that we gave ourselves to celebrate our 10th year of togetherness.

Our journey in Autism land has become more stable, I am successfully doing the home programs as advised by the therapist at AFA, we are ready for a SPLT program, A is responding to therapies well. God is very kind.

We do have our difficult moments and challenges ... but then ...

Yeh hauslaa kaise ruke!!!!! :-)

Toh bolte geet ranga rang kaaryakram mein aaj ki peshkash

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

Manzil Muskil to kya,
Dhundla Sahil to kya,
Tanha Ye Dil to Kya.....

Raah Pe Kante Bikhre agar,
Uspe to phir bhi chalna hi hai,
Shaam Chhupale Suraj magar,
Raat ko ek din Dhalana hi hai,

Rut ye tal jayegi,
Himmat rang layegi,
Subha phir aayegi

Yeh Hosla Kaise Juke,
Yeh Aarzoo Kaise Ruke

Funny side up!

2011-11-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of my holiday when Hubby most dearest is around to support with child care. He leaves tomorrow and bigger struggles await me for this month as now Aarshabh is very vocal about NEEDING BOTH Papa and mama and even for a moment when both are not around him, he gets all cranky and upset.

So to celebrate the last day (also to get alot of work done in time) I chose to initiate the dietary change as recommended by one of Aarshabh's therapist (more on that later).

A very enthusiastic me went in the kitchen, got the brown rice out, the ragi, the brown sugar, the baking powder, vanilla essence.

To cook
1. Rice milk (chaawal kaa maad)
2. Ragi cookies
3. Gram flour dessert (besan kaa halwa)

We are trying to go gluten free and lactose free so chaawal kaa maad as a substitute to cow's milk. Ragi and gram flour as a substitute to wheat flour.

Chawal kaa maad took its own sweet time not giving the desired results AT ALL.

The Ragi buscuits - followed the recepie to the perfect t and popped them in the over only to see them going in flames shortly after :-(

While the Ragi cookies were in the over and I assumed they are cooking, I inititated the besan kaa halwaa on the gas ... realising just when it was almost done that the cookies are on fire.

Don't even ask about the panic, the nervousness - but the end result

A smoking house, a choking me, a tray of burnt cookies and a bowl of burnt halwaa.

Maad ki baat to aap rehne hee do!!!!

At Peace .... Somewhat (fingers crossed)

2011-10-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

So I read this article on the Autism Network which very beautifully and aptly lay out the typical journey to The Autism world. I will not repeat any of what is there, I already put the link in my previous post but well (http://www.autism-india.org/apr11.pdf page 6).

I've had a roller coaster of a journey since September 3rd when it all began for me. Actually it began in Mid July when the realization started to dawn on me but it all seeped in quite gradually giving me ample time to grieve, express disbelief - it couldn't be happening to me. What did I do to deserve it? More importantly what did my baby do to deserve it. As it is this child has had more than his share of discomfort.

But wisdom prevailed, a very big thank you to all the wonderful people who held my hand even if they were seemingly so so far away (thank you K) and the ones who understood my silence, my absence, my blocking them away. Above all my support system who actually walked the walk with me, stood by me, believing, accepting, comforting, contributing, I can never thank them enough, I am privileged to have you by my side.

As I sit to rest, when my Son sleeps comfortably after a very fruitful day of fun at school, work at Dr. Lahiri's center and a very comforting exclusive time with mummy who played with little A, and completed the daily dose of the home based program for Sensori Integration; I look back at ...

the journey this far ...

Cried some 1000 buckets or more of tears so my eyes gleam and my skin is clean (wow that rhymes)

Read a whole lot of web material on Autism and associated issues, also read all these books
Sensori Integration and the child by Dr. Jean Ayres
Raising A Sensory Smart Child by Lindsey Biel, Nancy Peske, Temple Grandin
What's Wrong With My Child?: Struggling With Sensory Integration Dysfunction by Shelly R. Wilson
The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing And Coping With Sensory Integration Dysfunction by Carol Stock Kranowitz
The Out-Of-Sync Child Has Fun: Activities For Kids With Sensory Processing Disorder by Carol Stock Kranowitz, T. J. Wylie
Teaching Stories by Jamuna Rang Mavi
And there is a huge list still waiting to be covered :-)

Ran from pillar to post finding the best service providers for therapies.
Left no stone unturned to get them to squeeze me into their otherwise overbooked schedule
Attended the four day Annual workshop "Know me teach me" offered by Action for Autism this one is tough coz the timings were 9am to 5pm which meant staying away from A from 8 to 6.30. Now that IS a big deal considering he does not understand the change in routines, and mummy's absence when she is not supposed to be. He can not even let people know that he is anxious about not having mummy drop / pick him up. My mom reported two difficult instances when he patiently waited through the day with an understanding mummy will come in the evening and at the onset of evening (5 ish) the door bell rang and it was not mummy - the poor boy cried and cried, got into an uncontrollable tantrum - the peak of which manifests in him indulging in self hitting like a blind person would do when he can not make any sense of the surroundings. My Mom confessed understanding how difficult my life is and she could see why I am so stressed out.

The end result - I have kickstarted some aspects of a Special Ed program on my own.

I am also shadowing Dr Lahiri's program as I observe in session at home.

I feel powerful again, I will fly again and my Son will be fine ALWAYS!

Some pictures to mark my journey ...

Aarshabh when it all started

Paints the truest communicating agents :)

Finger Painting - the most recommended activity for tactile defensiveness

Washing it away is equally therapeutic

Blocking the anxiety away through my Sensori warriors the goggles and the hat!

Swinging away the anxiety :-)

The milestone Sardar ji obsession! We have gone ahead and made TLMs (teaching learning material) with Sardar ji - we have Sardar ji lotto cards and mat for matching ;-p

Number fun with Mum!

Finally the most strongly recommended activity for tactile deffensiveness - Shaving Foam, incidentally shaving foam also has a calming effect owing to both the texture and fragrance. I indulge in therapy as well :-)

A song for my Son

2011-10-31T02:55:00.000-07:00

Music has a way of detoxifying the soul. I came across a song while traveling the distance to A's therapy.

I am just putting down the relevant bits that touched my heart as I feel they echo my sentiments towards A as well.

"Baadal se chhalki hai woh boond tu,
jo seep mein dhalke moti bane;
Woh bhor ki pehli laali hai jo;
banke kiran jag mein jyoti kare.
Paakar tujhe milaa jeevan nayaa,
mera ye jeevan hai ab tere naam"

"Mere liye aisaa paaras hai tu,
chhoo ke jise mein to kanchan hui,
meri tapasya kaa phal tu milaa,
main ganga jal jaisee paawan hui
Jalke jalaaya jo deepak nayaa
jal jaayenge sab andhere tamaam".

As we venture into our new life on Autism Nation, (for those who need the reference to this word please read the article A nation on Autism by Jene Aviram on page 6 http://www.autism-india.org/apr11.pdf) I realize its not so bad after all. I am beginning to learn so much about myself as well, so many things I could never do and my Son is helping me learn.

Child is truly the Father of Man ... and woman.

Aarshabh Prateek thank you for coming in my life and making such a world of difference. With you as my best friend for life, I know I will be alright.

I love you baby :-)

Breaking Out

2011-10-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Incidentally this is a poem by Marge Pierce I happened to have come across in college, which I am looking for and have not yet found again.

Its about this little girl who lives with her parents who are poor and work very hard for a living. She dreams big dreams, of liberation, of being free spirited and often stops work to drift in her world. Her parents are very preoccupied with their own struggles and often have neither patience nor inclination to either reach out to her or see the world from her perspective and mostly resort to 'disciplining her' by beating her brutally. As they bend her forward to spank her she looks at herself in the mirror, despite the pain and the trauma and observes very carefully how her father 'wields the stick longer and her mother harder'.

One day, tired of all the beating, the lack of sensitivity, patience and willingness to see her for who she is, this girl defends herself by grabbing the stick and breaking it into two. The concluding lines as I recall "I will not be Sisyphus, there are things I must learn to break".

On the morning after Diwali, a fresh start to the year full of prosperity and happiness I make a promise to myself.

I am told that the people who come in your life come do so in order for you to learn from them. You don't always have people you desire but people who you need so you can constantly better yourself. All my life I have also been told that I need to be more thick skinned, less sensitive, I need to take charge of my needs, "do unto yourself as you will have others do unto you".

Trust me, been through therapies, discussions, spiritual dialogues, meditation and still I find myself being a slave of the egocentric, self obsessed, insensitive people who have neither any regard for who I am, what I do for them nor any compassion towards my struggles, my challenges, my pain and my traumas.

These are the people I am surrounded by, who see me as a caregiver, they can be callous towards me, disrespect me, look the other way in times of my need, play obnoxious tug of war with me and my child, have obscenely unreasonable demands and are always ready with a sermon to deliver which I know if they would direct with half enthusiasm towards themselves, they'd do far better.

My parents have brought me up well. I don't need sermons, I need love, I need respect, I need people to be there for me as much as I am there for them in times of distress. I need people to give me as much freedom as they expect I give them. I need people who expect as much from me as they like me to expect from them.

I look around and find many other women who are in my shoes, as this is a typical fate of every woman who commits the horrific crime of getting married. In some cases I see 'knights in shining Armour' protecting their love from all distressful situations, in other places I see the girl's parents continuing to provide her with the safety net so she can still fly when people steal the wind beneath her wings, in some very exceptional (very few these) cases I see In Laws who come forward to accept their daughters in law as their own and stand with her firmly, many times opposing their own Sons, this is a tricky one though, many live in the garb of being good in laws but often pull the rug from under the woman's feet when no one is watching. But the few who are genuine I bow in respect towards you. Most empowering are the women who are neither fortunate to have a knight in shining armour, nor lucky to have much support from their surroundings, these women take on the baton of not taking any further bullshit from the obnoxious world.

My family always taught me to be proper, they have been proper, I am proud to be born into a family with very high principles which they mostly never preach through sermons but always practice. I was taught to silently bear, to be dignified and graceful in trying times, to give regardless of whether people deserved or not, to be large hearted, to be the first to forgive, to move on, to focus on the bigger objective of spiritual empowerment.

I will continue to live by most of the principles my family has raised me with only I will work towards protecting myself because the world is not the way my family raised me to live in. This world mostly has mean nasty selfish and stupid people who are incapable of looking beyond themselves. I will not dignify them, I will not entertain them, if they can not learn to respect me and appreciate me, then they need not be in my life.

No Knight in shining Armour will come riding to rescue, no one will do something for me, till I do something for myself.

God has given me enough and I am grateful for what I have. I have a beautiful child, who needs my energy and time so I will not waste it on undeserving people.

This is it! This far and no further.

I will NOT be Sysiphus, there ARE things I MUST learn to BREAK.

A very tragic demise

2011-09-05T05:20:00.001-07:00

Today, ironically enough on Teachers' day one ungrateful person caused the death of something pure.

This was someone who came in my life last year who said "Your coming in this school was God's design, for my Son AC".

My blog has often witnessed my mention of AC as he is truly a child who has taught me alot. This parent was lost about why her child wouldn't talk and on the orientation day itself I assessed (I am told my assessments are pretty accurate) him for ASD. I asked this person to take him to AFA the pioneers in Diagnosis. It took her six months to finally accept, and I patiently counseled her through the journey being as compassionate towards her grief as I could. I led her to resources, to assurances to bridging the communication gaps to ensure her Son got the best.

But unfortunately this person completely overstepped the protocol of professionalism many a times earlier which I overlooked. This time she went way out of line. Without wasting much time about what why and how let me just cremate the relationship and move on.

Dear AS,

When I bumped into you last year, I connected with you not because you were from my school but because your son was AC - a child very dear to me.
I remember on the Orientation day, one keen observation and I could see he needed an assessment for Autism. Since we are weary of labeling children, I was always subtle
and sensitive. It took 6 months for the realization to dawn on you, what with running around to Drs and behaviour therapies and finally by December you came around to accepting Action For Autism in your life. I chose walk by you silently like a friend holding your hand firmly and compassionately giving you an earnest hearing hoping some of your grief would go away.

You chose to see this as a given right, that my time is not mine and you can choose to walk all over me even while I am on leave and tending to my ailig Son. I understand AS coming to terms with accepting Autism to your only child can be daunting, unnerving and very stressful, it makes you feel like you have been short changed by life, it can make you feel like your world has come crumbling down, like the larger world is the oppressor and you are the victim. Like the world is playing Monkey in the middle with you and you are ALWAYS in the middle. I understood all of that and still chose to overlook it each time you behaved obnoxiously, I fought for AC's rights where ever required and was there for you ALWAYS.

So much so that amidst my own struggles and work demands I offered to make available the world's best books to you so you could upskill your current knowledge to make life easier for AC. Trust me, I don't have the time to do such charity, my time is really measured with work load too much to handle, a little child with a weak constitution who was recently hospitalized and living life without a partner. But I still went way out of the call of my duty for the sake of Professional ethics and my commitment to SEN.

You on the other hand always saw me like this ladder to a glorious career, many a times asking me to take you in as an assistant, many a times sharing with me your unabashed plans of setting up your own practice without getting either the training or the sanction from RCI to practice. You did mention about how when you assist in a school for 5 years they will certify you as a SEN teacher, but darling that is 5 years. I remember always cautioning you to make sure you get a rci certificate and you were pretty chilled about how it was ok not to.

The other day you smsed me that I give you more such books even if they were about other conditions. Darling you think I don't know what was happening. I gave you three very precious books ONLY available to CERTIFIED SPecial Educators, what a huge favour it is you would know if you had more knowledge than the 'kuan ka mendak' knowledge you have gained through Action For Autism who EMPOWER PARENTS SO THEY CAN WORK WITH THEIR WARDS THAT IS WHY THEY CALL IT MOTHER CHILD PROGRAM AND NOT TEACHER CHILD PROGRAM. As a conscientious educator, it is my duty to not contribute to 'quakery'.

You had no intention of returning my books, you dilly dallied all along giving some or the other lame excuse like I don't want to give them to AC's class teacher when I asked you to leave them with her on August 30 since I was going to Noida. Later on Thursday I called you and you were horribly rude to me and said things like "I am not running away with your books, don't worry your books will reach you, they are safe" I remember smsing to you about "I know they are safe with you but I need them for my son" I updated you all along about him getting diagnosed, about going to AFA etc. In the span of last ten days (since the time the books have been with you) three of our school children seem to display Autistic behaviour and I know one of these books can be a really empowering tool for both teachers and parents.

Anyway you chose to behave the way you did, and you made a choice of severing ties with me to the extent of telling others in my absence that AC not be sent to me for further input.

I must let you know, while I will continue to wish well for AC, its really your loss not mine. There are many distressed parents out there who need a helping hand, a soothing voice and an encouraging smile. There are many children out there who eagerly look out the corridor in the school to get a glimpse of me, and a warm hug. I will continue to do my job like always but I will not deny this is a sting beyond my endurance.

Even though I find it difficult, I pray to God to give you strength, sensitivity and wisdom, may you never be as obnoxious with other service providers and as for me, yes the shock was too much to bear, but the sting will go away.

I sincerely forgive you for the damage you did to my dignity and to the dignity of my School who had no role to play in this transaction but bore the brunt.

May God give you some sense and strength.

Ufff! Mar gaye re Obama!

2011-07-05T03:39:00.000-07:00

Not that I have anything to say to obama, just love this title 'Phas gaye re obama' from on recent movie!

So, A whole lifetime seems to have gone by since May 12, 2011. I have more grey in my hair, a bigger number on the weighing scale :-(, dullness sprayed all over my face, a darker shade of circles around my eyes. You name the worst nightmare, and it belonged to me.

But thats it no more!!!!

The life I love starts this morning, I took a day off work today as the first step to coming back to the life I love.

A gets back to Tara, infact he starts Anand tomorrow. A relief this one, as it completes the circuit for him. Anand is the logical progression to Tara, and Tara is the only other stable thing in A's life other than his mom.

The weather has been so good today, cool, windy, drizzley, perfect for something romantic. So I sit back on my glide chair and relax my brain with two of my all time favourite numbers ...

Toh aaj kee yeh romantic shaam bolte geet rangarang kaaryakram ke naam -

Jab hawwaein sunaatee hain tere mere pyaar ki daastaan ...
suntee hai ye phizaa sintee hai ye zameen suntaa hai aasmaan.

And yes ... the grey will vanish soon thanks to Ramdev ji and the weighing scale trauma .... that too shall pass!!!

Udaan

2011-06-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

A question that got me thinking today.

Someone asked me about my salary, well I was sharing it in a context and the question after that was kind of odd especially when such questions never come up between fathers and sons. "So are you able to run your house by yourself with this salary?"

Even from curiosity point of view - this question is objectionable.

Coming from the person even more, knowing their stand when it comes to their own children and wife.

So my story ... I was always a career minded person, my financial independence (to whatever extent possible) meant alot to me even at age 13. I remember as a little child of 13, I used to save up all my pocket money in school (mine was a boarding school and we got coupons) and give them to 'richer' girls in exchange for cash at the end of term so I had money to buy presents for my brother, sister and parents, money to buy cards for my friends and family. It was not all that easy for a little girl to ward of the temptation of spending when all her friends were. I had strategies in place, I used to normally do my bed sheet changing (we did it once a week)when the Ice cream man came, and indulge in elaborate self grooming ventures like washing hair that would cause me to remain in the dormitory. On Sundays, which were tuck days, I would go to the school terrace and read. My financial independence meant that much.

I did summer jobs starting age 16. I sponsored alot of my post grad entrance exams and tutorials, sometimes I even grudgingly lent money to my Dad which he always gave back in installments (I still frown upon that Pa) kidding, I could never Ever give him anything, he was my provider.

When I met my husband the very first time, I told him how important it is for me to work, that my work defines me and he gave me very high hopes about the life ahead, how much work awaits me, how I will be so impactful etc etc. As it turned out, he said whatever he did because he had nothing else to say, with marrage, my journey to self realization came to a thundering crash.

I spent two years in oblivion, I struggled to swim along and leant some important lessons, while my peers moved up the salary ladder who may have been as talented as me.

Some choices of the husband and I found my self making ends meet by picking up the very first job offered to me weather I enjoyed it or not, weather it justified my talent or potential or not, weather I was treated with respect or not. I swallowed the pride, took the sometimes insensitive, sometimes disrespectful treatment in stride knowing fully well this job was needed.

Tables turned, some tough choices were to be made again, in order to live a married life, I needed to re educate my self in a more 'conducive to my husband's profession' training. That done, we headed on a dream trip to the UK.

The build up, the initial struggles, the support to the husband when he faltered, the throwing away a beautiful and promising life and future all for the husband's sake.

Back home, put my life in danger, raise a child all by myself, and raise a child very well by the way.

Finally to find my feet again. To be able to look at myself in the mirror and repeat the very words that formed the essence of being ME ...

'success - The Glenn Bland method
"I do not choose to be a common man (in my case woman),
it is my right to be uncommon, if I can,
I seek opportunity, not security.
I do not wish to be a kept citizen,
humbled and dulled by having the state look after me.
I want to take the calculated risk,
to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.
I refuse to barter incentive for a dole,
I prefer the challenges of life to a
guaranteed existence, the thrill of fulfillment,
to the state calm of Utopia.
I will not trade freedom for beneficence,
nor dignity for a hand out.
It is my heritage to think and to act for myself,
enjoy the benefits of my creations,
and to face the world boldly and say,
"With God's help, this I have done!"

And at the very first step, at the very beginning of my new journey, when I am trying to string back my lost self image, self esteem and confidence the question is thrown at me "Do you earn enough to run your household all by your self".

I went quiet for the moment for not wanting to disrespect the person asking but my answer is

"No, not at the moment, but one day I will not only run my house alone, but also an empire".

watch out for me!

Funny side up date 3

2011-04-20T08:17:00.001-07:00

The funniest experience in this project operation was when Aarshabh woke up with us on April 14 at 4 am and as we were going about our business of getting everything organised, he kept lying there singing "operation, operation, operation just nownd, call the doctor, call the doctor, call the doctor, just nownd!"

Post the surgery as he was being wheeled into recovery room from OT, I was asked to hop on the bed so he feels secure, and to comfort him, I put on "surmayee akhiyon mein" on my mobile, the effect of which composed him so much that his loud crying transformed into silent sobbing and gradually silent sobbing faded into cozy slumber. However, post the first doze of painkiller, Mr A Prateek was quite a sight - a very nangu pangu Aarshabh broke into a thumka dance while still lying on the bed, all attendants, passers by, nurses had a gala time watching this show.

Once we were shifted to our room, he would break into a jig whenever the song 'saddi gali khulke bhee' would play on tv, doing a Aarshabh chhap bhangra despite the catheter and the drip.

He is quite a sight with his new piano, composing as seriously as he can, and singing to his own tunes. He did a 'dil kaa haal sune dil waala' performance with a bandaged arm which he could not bend, but he did the daphli alright, he just used a lid that was within his reach. I will put up the video whenever I get the time.

We even play Dr Dr with his Dr set where he puts 'icjention' on me pricking as hard as he can and stops only when I say ouch, then he applies an imaginary ointment. I introduced this game so we can learn to accept thermometers in a play way. He hates getting temperature checked under his arm pit, he perceives it to be an icjention. I have started calling it 'gudgudee time' but haven't been lucky with it so far.

The other conditioning we did was to tell him "(white coat vaali aunty) dawai khaane pe gems deti hain". So he does cooperate somewhat, and today when Dr S was doing her round and stayed long enough for Aarshabh to register her presence, he declared "Ab Gems de do". So I requested Dr to give him the gems. We have got many packets of gems for these occasions, he still has a mental block and aversion to white coat waali aunty and uncle but so long as he keeps getting camily gems, he is willing to play along.

We have completed a week here today. It has been 'so far so good' but its getting tougher with each passing day - keeping a two and a half year old restrained to a bed is quite a task. But lets keep praying that jaise chal rahaa hai aise hee kat jaayein baaki ke din bhee.

A smile can conquer stress! Update 2

2011-04-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

So there is alot of networking to do to ensure the show goes as smoothly as possible without letting Aarshabh experiencing even an iota of discomfort, when he says Ice cream - he gets it, when he says porridge, he gets it, sheets get changed when he so desires, he gets sponged when he so desires. The very toy he asks for is given to him right away, the very mursery rhyme he wishes to watch, is put up for him. Managing a mini kitchen, a toy room, an AV room, a music box, a nursing room, medicines, drips, desire to take a walk and whatever else you could imagine a child trying to lead a normal life can need - is quite a task.

Stress is a byproduct of a situation like this, where we are dealing with pain, convincing a toddler to be calm and adult like, not touch this and not do that (though I adopt a distraction strategy and avoid the no word as far as possible).

What really works post the stressful incident, is laughing over it, smiling without reason, getting others to smile with you get them to cheer up as you do yourself some good!

The other thing that really helped us was the free youtube downloader which Gaurav downloaded on my laptop. I downloaded all his favorite rhyme & song videos that he loves. And trust me - what a breather it is. In the process I too am learning more technology - G is my official guide to technology now - quite a pity he doesn't live with me or else I could be techno queen in no time.

Will keep filling in more updates as I get the time.

Ek beparwah see muskaan ke saath bolte geet rangarang kaaryakram mein pesh hain .... yeh gaana,

"Hai tension vension kya bas maathey pe bal hote hain,
Beparwah muskano se hi masle hal hote hain,
Aazma le aazma le, changi hai tarkeebein,
Tarkeebein, tarkeebein kitni hai tarkeebein ...."

Date with the update 1

2011-04-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

Its been four days of Life at Hospital, the first two days were filled with delirium - for Aarshabh owing to the post operation strain, medication and sedation, and for me - pre, ongoing and post operation trauma of having my little baby undergo so much pain. It was a successful three hour surgery and the recovery is 'so far so good' he did get me nearly fainted when on the very first night post surgery he decided he had had enough and pulled the canula right out of his hand causing a pool of blood ... I nearly died. Within no time Aarshabh bounced right back - as with the delirium of post operation fading out he started going all supermanie and summersaultie.

G and I have divided our time, I man the day for Aarshabh where keeping him creatively engaged in cognitive activities is required (my skill as an educator comes in handy). G comes in by nightfall where his calmness is a strength in the wee hours of the night as opposed to my very tired as a result of which stressed self. Not to mention Rita, she does the 7 am to 9 pm shift where she does catheter duty regardless of Aarshabh's unrealistic demands of 'neeche chadnaa hai" at all times (Rita goes with him holding his tail ... I mean cathater). She watches over him with total focus in the afternoon as he naps and I do some catching up at work through mail. Today, I needed to do some catching up with me :-)

So how do we sleep! We have a single seater in Gangaram, where we give the most comfortable attendant's couch to Rita, G sleeps bunched up next to Aarshabh on his bed so Aarshabh can as much Papa coziness as he desires, and I sleep in their feet where my feet rest on a chair we place attached to the bed. That way I can do "seva karo seva, Aarshabh ki seva" basically code word for "pair dabao" in Aarshabhese.

The 6 am Rita wake up call is where the race happens, who among us will be lucky to get the couch for the next 3 hours ... nah! No race, the first three days, I let G have the couch to catch up on sleep between 6 am to 9 am while Rita got ready, had breakfast, made me a cup of tea and I watched over Aarshabh. Last two days, I am enjoying the privilege of early morning slumber, and I wake up to a bed tea very lovingly prepared by Rita in the electric kettle, only today her love went overboard when she decided to put Salt in my very bad tea!!! Yuck! Her earnest explanation was that she was watching my sugar intake and thought the small sachet of salt was (half sugar).

Tonight his Canula will be off for good. The first milestone of recovery will be achieved.

So Canula ....

Like I mentioned, the very first night Mr Canula was shown the door by Little Aarshabh, Ms Nurse had to redo Mr Canula on right handm this time putting extra coating of masking tape. We tried to look for the silver lining to this very painful experience of having our baby shout and scream and cry out of pain going totally red, body straining up. With tears in my eyes I said to G "atleast not the catheter and the canula are both on one side, it will be easier to manage both".

Mr Canula behaved himself untill Sunday and Monday morning, post Aarshabh having a severe state of constipation with body convulsing like in seizures. We couldn't tell then because he was given antibiotic only after he calmed down which was post the suppository. We had had our more than enough share of seeing our child in pain, both of us in tears and helpless - but we were in for more. As we noticed the fluid in the drip not going down, we called the nurse in panic. We were informed "fresh canula banaana padega". Antibiotic needed to be administered, this must be done.

So they started exploring a strategic point in left palm again and ... prick they went, it took all our might (the three of us) to hold Aarshabh together as he protested with tears and screams. No luck, they explored the left foot .... the same ordeal was relived, then the right foot by his time Aarshabh's tears we mingled with ours and together Aarshabh, his dad and I chanted the Gayatri mantra praying to God for this pain to end. Finally they found the spot on his right arm and we let out a sigh of relief. We are ever so careful now, and want this to end tonight as painlessly as possible.

My Birthday Wish

2011-03-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

A friend recently shared her experience with Positive Affirmation with me, I can see how powerful that is. I quote from http://www.vitalaffirmations.com/ "Developing a positive mindset is one of the most powerful life strategies there is. Using powerful positive thinking techniques, visualizations and positive affirmations, it is possible to achieve whatever you want."

So like I have always made a big deal about my birthday in the past, gradually moving towards a state of silence and blankness where the birthday didn't quite matter ... I come back again with a Birthday wish as this birthday, is important in more ways than one.

Its a day which will define the future life of my Son - A day that will be a big turning point in all our lives. I choose to visualize success, happiness and positive energies all the way.

I am penning down the affirmation my friend recommended I go over every day from now on. Anybody who does happen to stop by, please pray with me and send in your own positive energies, we will really need them.

So here goes ....
Om Ganeshaye Namah" (As per my friend's recommendation".
"G and I will successfully and peacefully achieve our goal of helping our Son Aarshabh out of this condition of mild Hypospadias with the help of an absolutely successful surgical procedure on April 14, 2011. Aarshabh will bounce back to normalcy by April 24, 2011 undergoing a smooth and comfortable healing. Aarshabh will be up and active after that, the following 6 months only serving to support recovery without Aarshabh experiencing either pain or discomfort."

Dear God,

This is all I ask for my birthday.

Amen!

Kambakht Ishq!!!

2011-03-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

So Love knocks at my door yet again!

The perfect idea of blissful Sunday for me is watching a beautiful romantic comedy on HBO. Which I did yesterday - in a long time and it was quite a surprise. Its complicated was the most simplistic depiction of relationships and the mesh of emotions that they seem to project.

Meryl Streep, Steeve Martin and Alec Baldwin ... an ideal ensemble of caste for me. They are all terrific in the work they have done (what I have seen). Alec Baldwin has a teddy bear vulnerability about him and Meryl Streep is oh so pretty, at her age, she is gorgeous.

So while the movie has a big role to play in my current love affair, its the backdrop that has really taken my heart away.

Santa Barbara! I have fallen head over heels in love with you. It was a sense of déjà vu while I watched the film, like I've been here before, like this place is not new. I have been nurturing a secret desire to go there some time ... hopefully soon (in the next5 years) to pursue a MSc in SEN.

Kya saare sapne sach hote hain?

Shaayad haan ... shayad nahin ... kaun jaane, mujhe toh bas apne sapnon ke nayya par sawaar jeevan ke saagar ko par kar jaana hai ... nayya kahan tak jayegee iska faislaa uss eeshwar par chhod dete hain!

Abhee ke liye bolte geet ranga rang kaaryakram mein pesh hai is gaane ke zariye mere jasbaat ...

Udtee hee phiroon in hawaaon mein kahin,
yaa main jhoom jaaon in fizaaon mein kahin,
ek kar doon aasmaan aur zameen,
kaho yaaron kya karoon kya nahin,

Pehla nasha ... pehla khumar,
nayaa pyaar hai nayaa intezaar....

Thak Gaye re Obama !

2011-03-20T04:38:00.001-07:00

Arre yaar ... bohot zyaada thak gaye :-(

A very happy Holi to one and all from a totally exhausted me.

Its been a lovely day. Even though I see the world with one eye as my left eye has a stye :-(

Big changes round the corner, A gets to start formal pre school, S gets to go easy in life (hopefully).

But for the moment, its total and complete focus on our little twinkle toes graduation ceremony at school, I was there till yesterday helping set the stage up, making cute little paper caps to wear during the graduation ceremony. Looking forward to seeing all the little rock stars taking the show away.

May God bless them, and heres to a beautiful futures to all those children who have given me an opportunity to impact their lives and have impacted mine as well.

Amen!

Tum mile toh milee .... ye zindagee.....

2011-02-28T08:06:00.000-08:00

Among the most beautiful lines of a song I ever heard. So profound yet so simple....

I have been so dead busy with all kinds of things ... work ... home ... silly billies (bills) .. banks ... the list is endless and the cherry on the cake - this unpredictable weather.

The good thing is that things are moving ... as Aarshabh puts it ... flowly flowly... faaaast! My long dead landline and wifi have been revived. So my affair with technology resumes pace. Back in the game of gizmos - my not so new anymore phone goes back to being alot more than my camera and ipod. Haven't yet been able to skype from phone though, I googled and found out that apparently samsung galaxy s phones are struggling with the skype - some update was recommended, did that - still no luck. Ya.. Rabbaa ... sikhade koi mobile mein skype agar, zindagi mein ho khusshnuma asar!

Work is hectic - but extremely enriching, am having so much fun with the kids who are pretty confident and ready to move on to the next level. I mean walking into Pre Nursery C and watching T, S, N, Sk, A playing together like in a phulwari bachchon kee is such a heartening experience (considering not so long ago - they were pulling each others' hair over teeny weeny issues)

Life is good - God has been very kind - I feel satisfied, I smile alot these days because I am getting a grip on my life. Not to say there are no challenges - oh there are plenty - getting tougher every day - but I have faith in myself - I know I will be fine! So I am attracting positivity and emitting objectivity. I know in the face of challenge .... I can cope.

I have the biggest blessing in my Son - more than anything, one hug and I know I am loved and I am doing fine. Even though its tiring, with alot of sleeplessness, stress even sometimes, but waking up every morning and finding A by my side makes me feel happy about my life.

So bolte geet rangaa rang kaaryakram mein aaj kaa Gaana - Aarshabh ke naam ...

Tum ho toh, gaata hai dil, tum nahin, toh geet kahan,
tum ho toh, hai sab haasil, tum nahin, toh kya hai yahaan,
TuM HO TOH HAI SAPNON kE JAISA HASEEN Ek SAMAA
JO TuM HO TOH YE LAGTA HAI ke MIl GAYEE HAr kHuSHI
JO TuM NA HO YE LAQTA HAI kE HAr khushi MEIN kAMEE
TuM kO HAI MAANGtl YE ZINDAGI

TuM HO TOH RAAHEIN BHI HAIN
TuM NAHIN TOH RASTEY kAHAN
TuM HO TOH YAHAN SAB HI HAIN
TuM NAHIN TOH kYA HAI YAHAN
TuM HO TOH HAI HAR EX pAl MEHERBAAN YE JAHAAN

JO TuM HO TOH HAWA MAIN BHI MOHABBATON kA RANg HAI
JO TuM NA HO TOH PHIR koi NA JOSH NA UMANQ HAI
TuM MILLE TOH MIlLI YE ZINDAGI

Abhivyakti - Self expression

2011-01-28T00:45:00.000-08:00

So a significant part of my time in Jan went in doing up the Counseling Room. The idea being that when someone walks into the room the room speaks for itself! I had intended to do it over three months, as Aarshabh puts it flowly flowly but I had to do it rather at a short notice owing to a shoot which was planned for our school. The person incharge of the shoot really enjoyed the one board that was complete and wished that I complete the rest so they could cover it in their shoot.

It did take a toll on me, with two sarees damaged - one victimized by fevicol accidentally tricking down(clumsy me)and the other with spots and sprinkles of paint (well clumsy me again) I paid the price of sending them for dry cleaning with a prayer on my lip - Oh God! let the damage not be permanent. Apart from that it was taxing on my hand - which cut out never-ending amounts of cardboard, flowers, lots of coloring was fun but pain in the neck (I mean literally). But all in all the struggles were fun because colors were involved.

The room looks lovely and I feel great coming to it. I know any teacher who intends to counsel a parent will love it too. And above all all parents of my school will really find my themes - Sibling without rivalry; Help children chanelize their hostile feelings into symbolic or creative outlets, no more focusing on the disability, No more bullies ... no more victims; very useful. I know some teachers who came and shared that some strategies were relevant to their needs as well. So there you go!

I just have one more theme left - which my friends will happen at leisure :) and that is "Behaviour Management Skill sheet"!

Till then ... a peek into the Counseling Room ....

The Entrance

Theme 1 & 2

A simulation of our school curriculum - Child initiated and teacher framed. We always encourage self expression from children - this is the place where I will put up the kids work of self expression - art / photos with a comment bubble etc.

Totally self expressed children at work!

The themes - 3, 4, 5 ....

SO I shared it with a dear friend who said, its 'a room with your signature' yes I agree. It is also a room that expresses my love for my work, my love for my school - how best I can be of service to facilitate effective parenting and above all my love for my children - its a symbol of my Abhivyakti ...

khamosh saa afsaana ...

2011-01-26T03:07:00.000-08:00

"Dil kyun ye mera shor kare ...
Idhar nahin .... udhar nahin ...
teri oar chale"

A beautiful number from a really forgettable film!

Ok its been rather hectic in the household, what with season changing gear, then Mr Sun playing hide and seek, AArshabh insisting on getting rid of a layer of clothing only to be found coughing and sneezing more than ever. Pour in the Tyxilix and Sinarests of the world, little to no water intake - constipation - pour in the colicaids, gripe water, septilin syrup ... heeng paste ... then his all time favourite - sleeplessness - pour in the warm sarson oil massages ....
and that pretty much sums up my home life.

At work, since we are coming to term end (year end) so much to finish, so much to do.

Amidst all this ho-hum, I pack off Rita and AArshabh for a 'fountain in the mountain' inning downtairs while I pause - sit on my glide chair and gaze out at nothingness! I watch the breeze, I watch the setting sun and in this pin drop silence I sing to my heart .... quietly ...

Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare

Idhar nahi
Udhar nahi
Teri Ore Chale

Zara der main Yeh kya ho gaya
Nazar milte hi Kahan kho gaya

Bheed mein logo ki woh hain wahan
Aur pyaar ki mele mein akela Kitna hoon mein yahan

Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare

Shuru ho gai kahani meri
Mere dil ne baat na mani meri

Had se bhi aaghe yeh guzar hi gaya
Khud bhi pareshan hua
Aur mujhko bhi yeh kar gaya

Dil kyun yeh mera shor kare ...

तो बोलते गीत रंगारंग कार्यक्रम में
आज का यह गाना
एक खामोह सा अफसाना

Kumbhkaran ki Amma

2011-01-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

मेरे कान तरस गए इस उपाधि के लिए! कोई तो होता जो मुझे प्यार या फिर फटकार से इस नाम से बुलाता! बुलाता भी कैसे मेरे बेटे ने कभी मौक़ा ही नहीं दिया. जब ना तब उठा जो रहता है! पर आज नहीं!

आज का यह शुभ दिन इतिहास के पानों पर सुनहरी सियाही से अंकित किया जाएगा क्यूंकि ...

आज पहली बार मेरा पुत्र प्रातः कालीन वेला में मधुर निंद्रा में लीं विलीन है! सुबह के सादे दस हो गए हैं और वोह अभी भी चैन की नींद सो रहा है! बेचारे जैकी चैन का क्या होगा!

यह और बात है की मैं पांच बजे से उठी हूँ जब मेरे प्रिय पुत्र ने दुग्ध की कामना की. पर मेरा माँ का दिल है, मेरे बच्चे की नींद मतलब मेरी नींद.

तोह यह चमत्कार हुआ कैसे ... आइये जानेंगे

हम लोग!

तो कल रात मेरे घर आयी हमारी नेहा मासी. आर्षभ और मासी की यारी यारों नें बाज़ी मारी साड़ी दुनिया हारी!

दोनों एक दुसरे से कुछ यूँ जुडें हैं की एक दुसरे का साथ पाकर खर्राटों की जुगलबंदी करने लगते हैं.

अपने दोनों बच्चों को चैन की नींद सोते देख मैं बोहोत खुश हूँ. जैकी चैन जाए भाद में, क्यूंकि

खुशियों का दिन आया है, जो माँगा सो पाया है, आज मुझे मेरे मन ने कुम्भकरण की अम्मा कहके बुलाया है!

धन्य हो प्रभु! तुझको कोटिशः नमन!

Winter proofing!

2011-01-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

At the moment I feel like royalty. Like in old times the royal people had two abodes - the winter palace and the summer palace.I too have two abodes - the Summer Paradise and the Winter Delight.

Just this morning, owing to my son getting bit by yet another ugly flu, I shifted from Summer paradise to winter delight. We have had a very disturbed night what with Aarshabh coughing, sneezing, crying, vomiting, not sleeping, and ABSOLUTELY REFUSING TO USE A BLANKET. We desperately needed a change of scene. So I got bit creative and got into winter proofing.

So Winter delight - the room in the eastern direction which gets maximum sunlight in the day and is totally surrounded by buildings which blocks the winds. Since there are no views worth watching, keeping curtains drawn is a compulsory option and very useful as that too shields the chill. I needed to shift some furniture a bit, needed to change electric wiring a bit so our oil based heater could be used safely.The USP of the Winters delight is the fact that it comes with a LCD TV. So for the remaining days of challenging winter, we need not go anywhere for recreation. TV will ensure we don't see room arrest as a punishment - Aarshabh atleast is satisfied with the unlimited dose of 9xm. But I keep bringing toys in to keep him entertained.

Here goes the pics ...

Summer's Paradise: Just because we moved out doesn't mean we will not talk about this special place. This room serves us throughout the summer which is a considerable amount of time through the year. It over sees the pool, the greens, the club house and experiences lovely cool breezes through out. In fact in the summer I just keep the balcony door open and then I don't need Ac.

Pictures ...

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T22:01:00.000-08:00

Yet another year gone by, life fills up with new hope, new dreams, new aspirations, and resolutions.

I resolve - to be a happy person at all times, always.
I resolve - to love my self completely and accept myself for who I am.
I resolve - to constantly excel my self, and harness my full potential in life and work.
I resolve - to love the people unconditionally who love me back.
I resolve - to not let ANYBODY trespass over my personal space and most importantly over me.
I resolve - to not allow anyone to be disrespectful towards me, I shall quietly end the deal there and then should anybody take me for granted.
I resolve - to work diligently at being a healthy and fit person.
I resolve - to continue being the doting mother and try to better myself, every single day - thats the least my child deserves.
I resolve - to create opportunities for my child to develop physically, emotionally, spiritually as well as intellectually. (Most importantly I resolve to get HIM TO EAT)
I resolve - to communicate clearly and confidently, not allowing any room either for ambiguity or emotional overtones.
I resolve - to not take life so seriously ensuring I do not take undesired events and transactions personally.
I resolve to communicate my needs way before they become expectations.

Finally I resolve to become Fearless Nadia letting nothing stop me! ;-)

Bolte geet ranga rang kaaryakram mein pesh hai ye gaana

"back foot back foot back foot back foor par khele thhe,
front foot front foot front foot, front foot par khelenge,
ab iss inning mein jo maarenge chhakka ...
seedha stadium ke paar!"

Date with the update

2010-12-30T04:18:00.000-08:00

So badly battling the writers block. There is so much to write, so little time and so much preoccupation. Doesn't sound like a holiday does it?

When I was leaving Delhi for our New Year vacation, my impression was I will have little to do in Khulna and packed alot of work in to do there. As it turns out, my primary work responsibility (read Aarshabh)keeps me on my toes leaving me no ME TIME. But I am not complaining, the maid had spoilt me, this trip is a refresher course on life without a maid - came in good time as Rita will be soon leaving for fulfilling her bigger dreams of matrimony etc. So far its going great. I managed washing clothes, ironing clothes (there was quite a load), cooked some breakfast for Aarshabh, lunch and dinner for us is prepared by a cook and a cleaner comes in to sweep the house and the first day I made the bed to which the cleaner was visibly upset and gave quite an animated disapproval, so today I went no where near the bed.

This place is very quiet except for the periodical azaans (is that what they are called) for Namaaz. Aarshabh gets to sleep till late and as a result does not sleep in the afternoon. Right now, as I write, I have earned myself ME time thanks to Aarshabh's daily sleep requirements. I am not worried about what he will do through the night as it is Bangladeshi Sunday tomorrow, the dad will be at his service tonight. (He has been at it for the past couple of days as well only this will be guilt free for me as I will not have G staying up on a working day).

Its a delight watching the two together, all the ordeals I faced getting my visa, traveling, getting royally neglected etc are nothing in front of the father son bond. Its nice to see G responding so beautifully to his son. And Aarshabh has donned on a new avtaar - he is no longer the poised and composed little man that he is with mummy, he is the naughty brat up to mischief ALL THE TIME. Today he pushed the fully loaded 20 litre bisleri so hard that it toppled over and nearly flew across the corridor spilling water all over. poor Mama had to mop the floor so Aarshabh wouldn't fall; and lift the damn bottle back to fix it where it belonged. He later dived for the bottle of gripe water kept on the bed side and played 'twist twist open' till he spilled half his medicine all over him. A sticky Aarshabh is an unwelcome Aarshabh and so again mom had to wipe him dry. He slipped thrice on his bum in the bathroom where he was dancing while bathing and NOT ONCE DID HE COMPLAIN, he got up, acknowledged the bum experiencing momentary pain and went on with his business. Once you put him on his potty seat he gets glued to it, he REFUSES to come off it. "Aur karnaa hai potty" he protests, he seems to have taken fancy to G's toilet, we can NEVER leave the door open, or else the kid will come out drenched but very satisfied.

Phew! is all I am left with.

The highlights of the trip

1. Visited Dhaka
2. Had dinner at a very nice Italian restaurant (I mean really good pizza in a long long time)
3. Went to an Amusement park - Aarshabh and I went on some rides
4. Experienced a Bangladeshi supermarket
5. Went to a 'Ladies park' with G where we saw a deer and Aarshabh got to enjoy a slide
6. Was locked up in a room with a child and tv for two consecutive days :-)
(should there be a next time, I shall come fully armed with functional knowledge of Bangla and my own cash. No depending on G)

The other out of context update is from the Phone story - managed to load some really nice Audio books on my phone, and have already started to listen to them. Salla mera phone toh Ipod ban gaya, I pod banke kaisaa tan gayaa. Mera phone camera toh thaa hee ... wah wah phone hai kee Swara Raje 'Sarva gun sampann' jis ghar jaayegaa swarg banaayegaa.

Toh aise hee updates ki date par milte rahenge ....

HUM LOG!

Tum jo aaye zindagee mein ... baat ban gayee

2010-12-13T04:17:00.000-08:00

Whenever I give Aarshivaad to Neha, the one thing I always wish for her is "may her jewelery always match with her dress". I love the way she is so well turned out. I used to be alot like her when I was younger. I love to see her looking radiant, confident and beautiful. She is one person whose self esteem I have protected and nurtured with a vengeance. A friend once said "I see you live all your dreams through Neha and all your pain through yourself". "I live just Dreams through Neha (not mine but hers) and wish to even live all her pain myself.

So on my path to self realization and self fulfillment, I was asked to "Do unto myself as I do unto Neha". That seems easy.

The most recent act of kindness and generosity that I did for myself in a long long time was to allow myself to buy me a jewelery box. As a little girl I loved all things girlie - jewelery, clips and bands and bangles and necklaces :-) I want to go back to that place.

So I was at Fabindia where I saw this really useful jewelery box, designed with a very pragmatic approach, its the kind of thing people like me can really benefit from.

So I bought it. And then began a journey - of filling it up. I have been at it for the past month buying little latkan pachchoos in silver, went to the locker and brought all the smaller pieces of jewelery I can wear with sarees on special days at school. But I really invested in a beautiful collection of antique type silver ear rings. So now I wear a matching pair of ear rings every day with my outfit.

My colleagues at not only appreciate my efforts but come out of the way to see what I am wearing today. Since the ear rings are so many, people think I have new ones every day because by the time I repeat them, they are out of sight and out of mind.

This little makeover has boosted my moral a great deal. I am already feeling a little closer to the older me - the older me is coming alive .... as Aarshabh would put it flowly ....flowly!

Here is a peak into my treasures :-)

Spill over from Diwali

2010-12-12T07:18:00.000-08:00

I clicked some pictures on chhoti Diwali and a couple on diwali after which G's camera ran out of battery. Typical G style he left the charger in Bangladesh so we couldn't click pics of ourselves on Diwali and also full decoration of the house. Anyway I wrote a bit about Diwali earlier so here are the pictures ...

Greh Pravesh ... the entrance to my house on chhoti diwali

The Baithak ...

The dining area .... chhammak chhallo chairs

The bedroom

The Glide chair stand alone ...

The Puja room and play room

Aarshabh's day out

2010-12-12T04:13:00.000-08:00

Aarshabh has been unwell lately. A lingering chest congestion, severe constipation and symptoms like vomiting, loss of appetite, irritability, restlessness to go with it. I avoid taking him down to the park (much against my will) as its chilly and windy and my boy HATES the very mention of cap leave alone wearing one. Its not a nice feeling being at the receiving end of judgmental glances of some aunty jis who at times are pretty vocal about their disapprovals by saying "khud toh sar par topi chadaa kar (referring to Rita) and shawl lapetkar (referring to me) aayee hain, bachhe ka sir nangaa chhod diya". But more than that the persistent chest congestion is worse because then my baby struggles. I too am in a bad shape btw, what with running in and out of the room at odd hours of the night to get a mop to wipe the vomit, fresh clothes for Aarshabh or jumping out of the cozy razai to put him on potty chair because says he has an urge but does not really have any bowel movements. I have come to a point where I dread night fall, as Aarshabh's middle of the night awakening does no good to my already desperate for rest mind. I struggle with my sleep and rest requirements on the one hand and controlling my irritation on the other knowing its really like a dog chasing his own tail. No end to it till Aarshabh starts wearing the cap.

Anyway, thats not what this post was about.

Going along the flow of my motto of the year - fighting my demons, this one has been long pending. A very close friend of G's invited us to little T's birthday party. Little T is turning three and this is the third invitation in three years. But this time I decided to go. I have to stop avoiding groups. Besides Aarshabh is alot more grown up and really enjoys birthdays. This being his very first Non-Tara birthday party.

We reached the place, Aarshabh gladly gave T her present and was mesmerized by the colorful balloons. More than the party decoration he was expressively appreciative of T's Nani's impeccable taste in home decor. He kept going round and round in and out of the house. He explored every nook and corner of the house and chose to make a specific flight of staircase his personal playpen. He went on the trampoline for a bit but felt nervous when other children go onto it and shook the thing more vigorously than he could handle.

Aarshabh thoroughly enjoyed painting a Piggy Bank, he was going about the strokes and choice of colours like a professional artist, specifically asking for purples and green and black which to me is unusual for a two year old.

The Name Plate was the other hot favorite for some children, Aarshabh was a little small for it and his name a tad bit big. I decided to offer my services on his behalf and got hold of a plate, wrote his name down and started working. This has been perhaps the very first time in two and a half years that I realized our Son has quite a big name. I had a severe urge to stop midway and take an about turn - and do a Rehan or Puru instead (both Aarshabh's brothers) but then I thought - what the hec .. okhli mein sar diyaa toh musalon se kyaa darnaa.

The fish pond, - P's mom has this very exotic looking open courtyard with a little pond which is home to some fish. So Aarshabh was drawn to the courtyard and as he observed carefully he declared "fish nahaa rahee hain" to which we laughed. "Aarshabh, fish paani mein hee rehtee hain" I explained to which he further investigated "fish ninni kar rahee hain". He was reluctant to look closely at first so I prodded him a bit and on finally looking in he said "fish ko jump karein tadaang" and ran out! (umm what was that?)

Finally it was Cake time - Aarshabh is totally conditioned to birthday protocol - you sing happy birthday to you and you get cake. So he sang happy birthday to you enthusiastically. The cake went back in to get cut into proper pieces, which Aarshabh couldn't figure why. So he started screaming, protesting and finally crying in rage constantly declaring "cake chahiye ... cake chahiye .... cake cake cake chahiye" no amount of assurance worked,distracting with yum yum / chips / biscuits was responded with a curt "nahin chahiye". His crying got him all the sympathy votes of old aunties who kept saying "arre ek piece jaldi se laa do bachche ko". Cake ki bite mu mein gayee aur bachche kee jaan me jaan aaye. Cake, chips and guava juice are officially his birthday party mates.

In the end he said his goodbye to T and on being given his return gift, graced P with a satisfied uhuh!

We had a good day.

The love story Really Begins!

2010-11-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

Gosh this phone is such fun. At the moment I m practicing swype typing, it is so addictive. The other break through I had was being able To set the wi fi and access net from my phone. Also trying to upload a video I made from the mobile. The break down was the video chat. Haven't figured that out yet but I m hopeful I.ll get there.i am very happy at the progress I m making considering this time last week I was staring at the handset and surggling with the manual. Btw all this I'm doing the swype way. Lots of fun. Will keep coming to it as I go on progressing.

I can facebook, access mail, chat, send mails, make videos among other things
Oh and yes hello karna aur phone kaatna bhee aa gayaa. Quite a big deal for me. Last week, I couldn't even change case of letters, let alone writing numbers.

I shall sleep peacefully ..... Provided my son grants me that. He is back to the usual ways that of talking over as aakashvani radio with non stop old vs.gold numbers and maintaining erratic and poor sleep hours.
Dark circles is a most certain destiny for me. :( :( :(

toh milte rahenge hum log :)

Affair shaffair aur jaane kya kya

2010-11-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

Ok so I need to come clean! I fell in love .... hopelessly, madly, shamelessly, Blatantly :-) It all happened all of a sudden one fine day, I was watching TV and bam ... it dawned on me!

SO Object Of my affection (OOMA for short) is really good looking, very "with it" a little too techie for my technophobic understanding and very entertaining!

I told a friend about OOMA who was kind enough to do me a genuine swot analysis, my friend's validation meant a lot however my friend also made some suggestions which I needed to keep in mind.

And so, with my thoughts all sorted out I decided to take the plunge! I went to Qutub Plaza, into Delhi Communications and asked for .... ACER Ferrari!

Yeah! What were you thinking???? I saw a sales pitch for Acer Ferari on one gizmo & gadget show on Tv and I couldn't stop thinking about it, I couldn't sleep for days, there was an innate desire to make it mine! So like I said, my friend very sweetly validated my feelings but put in a suggestion as well - a choice between a Sony erricson experia x 10 and a Samsung Galaxy s i9000. So in this mobile shop I inquired, and got very bad reviews about Acer Ferari, and reviews that made sense. So ok Mr. OOMA agreed that looks were on your side but Samsung Galaxy s ke paas dependability hai, technical credibility hai, good customer service hai, front camera eye hai, 5 mega pixel camera hai, 4 inch kee screen hai ... tumhare paas kyaa hai????

Toh mere antar mann se awaaz aayee ke beta "Dikhaawe pe naa jaa .... apni akal ladaa!"

Toh bhai saab, decision was final ... Samsung galaxy s it is.

The IT intimidation tends to compel me to procrastinate, which I have been doing up until Tuesday. On Monday night I experienced divine intervention I had a dream where I was walking into a Croma store and buying my phone and some aakashvani in the background was echoing "Nearest Chroma store is in Phase 1". The eerie bit is that on checking up the net and calling up the store it was confirmed that it really IS IN Phase 1. Its a sign I thought. And so Tuesday I went to this Croma store and bought the phone.

Ab mere jaise technologically challenged insaan ke liye android kya aur integrated social hub kyaa ... sabhee toh kaala akshar bhains baraabar hai.

But I am out on a mission, as recommended by this friend ... story ko badalnaa hoga Me the technophobic is history ... actually it never existed ... we are on our way to becoming me the "ZEWT" (Zap em with technology).

Declare toh kar diya bhaiya ... banenge kaise .... (dabe swar mein bol rahe hain) Yeh technology kaa abcd samjhna thodee tedhi kheer maloom hotaa hai!

Par umeed par duniyaa kaayam hai .... waise to Paani par duniyaa kayam hai par ..... (sigh) khair!

Udi, neende aankhon se

2010-11-23T00:41:00.001-08:00

Usually I am not really very fond of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan's work as I find her very plastic, very made up and very calculated, like a barbie doll with batteries. But some times she too gets it right! I don't mean the percussion bit, one can clearly make out she has no idea what she is doing but otherwise the whole feel of her performance is decent.

The only movie that reached out to my heart from Mr. Sanjay Bhansali's banner was Khamoshi; post which he seems to have lost his mind. So keeping aside his artificially artistic auraa, the dimly lit sets etc, this song does magic.

Toh Bolte geet rangarang kaaryakram kaa aaj kaa gaana khoobsoorti ki parakashtaa hai ......

Mil gayi... aaj aasman se
Aa gayi aage main jahan se
Yeh kya hua

Udi, neendein aankhon se
Judi, raatein khwabon se
Mudi, ye jaane mein kahan

Mil gayi...aaj aasman se
Aa gayi aage mein jahan se
Yeh kya hua

Paon zameen pe hai ya baadal pe
Uljhe sitaare aake aanchal se,
Jee li umar saari is pal mein,
Kuch bhi nahi ab mere kal mein

Udi neendein aankhon se
Judi raatein khwabo se
Mudi ye jaane mein kahan

abbe kalua! Arre oh! Kameeno!

2010-11-21T10:11:00.000-08:00

Do not get misled by the title, I am not abusing but using the names of some drinks my husband was so proudly flaunting! So he was here for Eid holidays. Just yesterday Bhaiya and G got together for their much desired and eagerly awaited twosome! These twosomes I tell you are usually very 'high spirited'

Neha and I were also invited to share a drink, I took a sip of Bailey's Irish cream and my reaction "Its nice if it does not have the strong smell and bitter taste".

"You mean without the alcohol", my brother teased, "then it wouldn't be Bailey's Irish cream at all".

Then they were bragging about who has what and how old! Then my brother told us about the chocolate mint liqueur he has, to which G brought out Kameeno ... oops I mean Camino real gold tequila!

So Neha and I are all excited and ambitious (Neha more than me) said she "Ok now I know where jeeju keeps his drinks, once he is gone, we will consume them all one by one and by the time he comes he will find all bottles filled with water ;-0"

Me "And suppose he starts shouting or gets all upset .."

Neha in Akshay kumar style from Action replay " I will say ... (with hand gesture) Awaaz neeche!!!!!"

Alcohol kee shaan mein mere bhai ne kaha

"wisky is risky... brandy is dandy ... rum hai to kya gum hai, beer mitaaye fear"

Toh chaliya in kalue, kameeno ko dekh hee lete hain .....

HUM LOG!

The good the bad the funny

2010-11-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

The Good news is that the Stye has burst! So no more Lalita Pawar act for me!

The bad however is, I do not need to wear sunglasses to work, which if you ask me is a blessing because its pretty irritating but I endured the discomfort thanks to the compliments - so the bad news is that nobody will say "looking really cool, the sunglasses make you look really hep!" Naah - no bad news at all ... I don't do very well with compliments anyway.

The funny news is that when I told MB about my plight he very coolly said "chaliye ek tarah se achcha hua, kam se kam ab aap sabko EK NAZAR SE dekhengee!" (Very funny indeed)

So no looking at people with ek nazar because my doosri nazar is well on its way to recovery!

Yippie!

So Transitions and tantrums!

2010-11-10T05:13:00.000-08:00

How did I ever think I was so lucky! My sojourn to hilt needed to end one day ... and that day just happened to be yesterday. The onset was visible since Sunday and so were the symptoms. Onset? Symptoms?

Onset of Temper tantrums and transition tussle
Symptoms of seriously stiffing Stye!

Yes I got a stye on my right eye :-( :-( and have been experiencing pain in my throat as well ... Septilin, please do come to my rescue, let me not get fever, as it is the sty has crippled me a bit.

But as they say every cloud has a silver lining, the silver lining with the stye is that I was compelled to buy a pair of sun glasses which I have been pushing away ever since ... guess what ... 2004. Can you imagine, I have gone so many years without Sun glasses. Why? Well the last pair was a present by my brother, his choice, his money ;-). They were beautiful, I got alot of compliments just perfect for my character. My brother has a lovely choice. Naturally they were expensive; they served me well through the 3 years and one fine day ... they were lost!

I was so heart broken, my brother offered to buy me new ones, but the SAME ONE were no longer available. I decided to go without them, I don't like losing things. And I have done well so far, never really missed not having sun glasses until miss Stye decided to visit.

So yesterday, finally I bought my sunglasses:) I am happy to have them, they look lovely!

********

Transitions and Tantrums

So G left on Sunday and not complying with the pact - basically WITHOUT talking to Aarshabh about it. Children struggle with change and we adults need to prepare them for it by talking about it because CHANGE IS INEVITABLE. And rightly so my Son is very very upset. But what is not right is that the outbursts are being borne by me, the sensitive me, the wise me, the conscientious me who would never ignore transitions.

So its been a battle, this is Aarshabh's first ever SERIOUS anger outburst. What role am I playing??? I am plain and simple validating his pain and acknowledging his upset. I tell him I understand that he misses Papa, I talk to him about what all he will like to do when Papa comes next. I call up G (yell at him for not preparing the kid - nah! thats melodrama) and then become the sweet and sober mommy and flash a bedazzling smile at my son "Guess who I got you on the phone" and hand him the phone. Hearts of hearts I really want G to understand the seriousness of the consequence.

Seriously simple tips to parenting:

1. Validate and acknowledge your child's pain and upset, without getting too patronizing or solution oriented. Just be with him. Realize that a child who is "throwing tantrum" is feeling bad and may likely be experiencing trouble / pain in his life. The tantrum is a signal and a CRY FOR HELP, not a provocation for punishment. See yourself as a helper and a guide in these times. If they are punished (verbally assaulted, hurt and humiliated in anger) instead of disciplined with respect, they will build up fear, resentment, a tendency to be rebellious or passive and sneaky.

2. Make transitions (changes) easier for children. Don't rush them or expect them to
drop what they are doing and do what you want immediately / don't expect them to respond to changed atmosphere, sudden absence of people the way you think. Give alerts and reminders, talk about changes, all children are intelligent enough to understand the sentiments associated. I for one always confront painful situations, hold them by the horn and look them in the eye! And I know my brave boy will learn to do that as well (Ok now that was out of context)

My Son is usually pretty sorted when prepared in time, and has a tendency to problem solve intelligently. I am committed to provide him with appropriate language so he is able to vent out his upsets and anger.

I may be doing my job well because while I write this, he insists on reading new new book - The three bears and Goldilocks. (Basically I am expected to read it to him) and I need to finish this. So I put on his playlist and immediately I was very firmly instructed "band karni hai!" Naturally I obliged and negotiated more time with continuous typing to which he says "Computer bhi band karnee hai!"

Toh bhaiya .... band kar dete hain computer.

Baat mein baat chali

2010-11-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

So, a bit of a discussion with a friend took me in flash back into a conversation with my dad.

He was telling me about Raghupati Sahay Firaq Gorakhpuri, a very famous Urdu poet. Once Firaq Gorakhpuri was challenged by some fellow Urdu shayairs who were Muslims (the context I have forgotten and my Dad is not around to cross check) I will be grateful of someone could clarify when / how / why of this event.

The challenge was for him to say "Jo Islam ke bande nahin, woh kaafir hain"

And his spontaneous answer ...

"Laam (is a hindi matra) si lat hai mere Ghanshyaam ki,

Kaafir hain jo bande nahin iss laam ke"

Brilliant! I thought, thank God I remember the couplet, and wanted to write it down so I could tell my Son and let him also somewhat get a glimpse of the vast amount of knowledge his Nanu had.

As a matter of fact, a cousin of mine who was born and brought up in East Africa grew up listening to stories about how his Shravan maama ji seemed to know every thing. And when he did come down to India, he brought with him a book where he had jotted down all the questions he needed answers to over his 11 years of existence.

Recently a close friend of my dad was saying "Yes Shravan Bhaiya and my self were good friends. His honesty, dedication , soft speaking was great. I still miss him." and I had tears in my eyes. I love my dad! and I miss him!

Talk about honesty, I found one incident very funny which was later shared by one of his friends. He and his friend boarded a bus to Ajmeri Gate and my dad bought three tickets.The conductor inquired "haan teesri kiski?" To which my dad said "Aap bas paise lee jiye aur ticket dee jiye". His friend asked, "Bhaiya, I know you bought a ticket each for me and you, who is the third one for?"

My dad said "Yesterday, as I left the house one of the kids asked me for money and I gave them whatever I had in my pocket. On boarding the bus I realized I had no money at all, so I had to travel without ticket. So today I bought two tickets - hisaab baraabar!" :-)

The four Dhees

2010-11-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine shared with me an interesting definition of struggles in India - the four ds he called it but I call it the four dhees.

Dhool, Dhuaan, Dhakka, Dhoop! Very very profound indeed.

Post Diwali there is an increased amount of dhool and dhuaan in the air and I seem to be forever gasping for oxygen. That has always been the worst part of Diwali for me, come Diwali and I start wheezing. Trust me its not funny, when I was younger and unaware of my allergy to dust I almost died once, I couldn't breathe, I had to seek medical help, this was back in school. Even in that serious moment the melodrama queen in me came alive and I was joking 'Oh I will die without seeing my mother ... maaa'. Imagine, saans nahin liyaa jaa rahaa par mazaak soojh raha hai. Thats me, my sense of humor gets into gear five when I am faced with serious danger ... twice before it happened when it was almost fatal.

I guess I inherit it from my Grand Mom, she was so funny. Once when she was hospitalized, and we were afraid we'd lose her, she just started to get up and out of bed. "Bibi ji kithte jaa raye ho?" She was asked.

"Oye! Main te Tony passe jaa raiyaan, kahin mar maraa gayee toh log bolenge budiyaa kitnee old fashioned thee upper lip te eye brows bhee nahin banwaaye!" (Tony was the owner of a Beauty Parlour and she wanted to pay him a visit so she could get her eye brows done or else people would think of her as old fashioned) This is when she was seriously ill, with drip and nebulizer.

Toh bhaiyaa Marne ki naubat aa jaaye aur hansee naa aaye ... aise toh haalaat nahin!

So back to the post ... by God ye dhuaan to meri jaan leke rahegaa.

The Morning After

2010-11-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

Its 9.19 am and it is pin drop silence, neither birds chirping, nor dogs barking, just silence. Funnily enough Aarshabh too is fast asleep, (and I hope he stays like that for some more time) I am so enjoying this silence, I want to soak in some more.

Ever since we moved to this place, this peace and quiet have been two aspects that have really been the highlights, not to forget the pollution free air and the cool breeze and yes the scenic view of the valley. I remember last year around this time when we moved into a rented place here, I would wake up early and with my mug of coffee would gaze out of the window for as long as Aarshabh allowed just to take in as much of the beauty of nature as I could.You have vast expanses of farm land on one side, hills all around and lots and lots of green, this place has been such a welcome change from the concrete jungle that was Delhi.

So last evening was great, we did our Pooja, decorated the house with oil lamps and candles, I burnt my hand a couple of times (Shagun ke liye ... clumsy me). Aarshabh looked so cute in his green kurta and yellow dhoti that Naani got made for him.

The house sparkled with the lamps and candles, and my Puja ghar looked beautiful.

I am happy God gave me moments such as these which will go down memory lane with a sense of contentment and whenever I look back and go over them, I will smile to my self and say ... Life is good!
:-)

Huh! All done

2010-11-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

I was saying we were prepared for Diwali ages ago, but I guess you can never be fully prepared, somethings are left for the last minute.

But now I can say .... We are all done!

So Happy Chhoti Diwali to anybody who reads this and to everyone in general.

Among my preparations ... we have a new table cover, a maroon with beige flowers, a new plastic table spread (for Aarshabh's convenience) the upholstery is all washed, dining chairs are the chammak challo of the season, don't blame me, the cloth was picked by G.

Bedroom has a new rust and beige block print bed spread, all daris are out and washed, they add color as well as warmth.

All balconies have beautiful decorative lights its like a mesh of sparkling stars.

I made two sweets - Kaju burfi and almonds and chocolate rolls (actually it was supposed to be badaam burfi and chocolate swiss rolls the recepie for which uses walnuts but you know how maids are, I gave Rita written instructions for processing the nuts, one she just didn't touch walnuts and they were tucked away in one remote corner of a drawer. She was supposed to grind the walnuts but she chose to go with cashew nuts. So we have no cashew nuts to offer to our guests! It was quite a mix up and I had to improvise at the last minute to sort things out without making her feel too bad about spoiling the spirit of the festival.I couldn't prepare anything savory owing to time constraints so just go with nuts - pistachio, almonds, walnuts and raisins and some Haldiram mixtures. Typically I make matthis (which in England I baked - quite an adventure that was), nimkee, matar potli (this one has been quite a success people who visited us at CR park still remember it. In fact in my family I have patented matar potli)

Today we did Aarti and have lit 11 oil lamps and some brass multi light lamps. The house looks beautiful and sparkles with a hope ... a prayer ... of prosperity, happiness, sucsess, Peace and health.

May all this and more come to all!

:-)

Sunday ka fundaa

2010-10-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

SO we are well rested this morning! We all including Rita woke up at 8.00 am which is a tad late considering this is a school going household:-) But Sundays are Sundays!

The household has strict Sunday rules

1. we wake up when our eyes open - no alarm-ing.
2. we take the day R-E-A-L-L-y easy and slow
3. we rest alot
4. we watch tv, eat whenever we like and whatever we like (Aarshabh's wishlist is supervised - we offer him choice from select food items like Pasta, Pathaara, yum yum, curd rice, custard, porridge and if he is lucky - cake & Shuun papdi!)
5. we don't go out
6. we go back to sleep at the first opportunity Aarshabh provides
7. we wear sunday clothes - basically shabby rags - because we are not going out anywhere (again Aarshabh is an exception because this is the only day I can really look at him all day so he wears his smart track suits now to keep him warm and to keep me cuddling my cotton ball!)

The Sunday becomes Saarthak when there is a nice menti sental kind of mushy mushy romance / comedy / comedy drama on air on Star Movies / HBO! Last week it was 'The Ugly Truth' I quite liked it :-) :-)

There are some more rules but I'll not strain myself in writing or else I break rule 3.

So since I am well rested and happy, I start my day with a lovely song which enjoys pride of place in my playlist. I have it on replay for at least 10 times since morning. Here goes ...

Sa Ni Sa Ni Sa Ga Re
Sa Ni Sa Ni Sa Ga Re
Sa Ni Sa Ni Sa Ga Ga Ma Ma Re
Re Re Re Re Pa Ma Re
Re Re Re Re Ma Ga Re
Re Re Re Ni Ni Dha Ni Sa

Ankhon mein Neendein
Neendon mein sapne
Sapnon mein baatein teri meri
Baton mein Shokhi
Shokhi mein vaadein
Vadein sauugateein teri meri
Ab na tootenge vadein kabhi
Aur na tooteingi jo kasam khayein hum
Ankhon se pyaar ki

Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari
Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari

Sa Ni Sa Ni Sa Ga Re ....

Baantun na kisi se saaya bhi tera
Kaajal jahan wahan tera basera
Aaye jaaye sooraj chahey jahan mein
Tere bina mera ho na sawera
Tere Kaandhey pe he lage
Jannat jaisi koi jaghe

Ab na rab se gila tu hai mila
Ab na rab se gila hai ghata aur mita
Sara yeh faasla

Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari
Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari

Haaton mein mere teri lakeerein
Meri Saari Saansein teri Jageerein
De de chahe koi sara zamana
Badley mein doon na teri tasveeerein
Tere hone se hi mein hoon
Main bhi main hoon tu bhi mein hoon
Tujh Pe main hun fida mujh pe khuda
Tujh pe main hun fida
Ab tujhe kar na doon
Sajda main yu ada

Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari
Hoti zara chahat sada hi sarphiri
Aankhon se ho aankhon pe ye jadugari

Sa Ni Sa Ni Sa Ga Re

....

Mere ghar aayee ek not so nanhi pari

2010-10-30T21:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the week has been very busy, but overall satisfactory work wise :-) Yesterday became a grand finale of fatigue, by 8.30 pm I collapsed, I was so tired I told Rita, pls take over and do what you understand, I am eagerly awaiting bed time.

Aarshabh has started becoming even more challenging when it comes to sleep time! Nothing seems to be working, he is ever so active as the night falls. But when he does sleep, he looks like an angel! I can watch him for hours sleeping.

A family member has returned back from a 9 month mission to motherhood! Its my John Lewis Glider chair & Stool, which my Bua had so generously bought for me in England, saying "never take any chances with your back!" I didn't really get to use it for when it serves the most purpose, but when I did use it, I practically lived in it. Its like a fairy God mother who rocks you back and forth gently, smoothly lovingly to sleep. When I moved to my own house, I brought it from the warehouse and both Aarshabh and I who are complete Jhhoola khors were on it all the time. Many a times I drifted to slumber reading on it.

Anyway when a friend of mine had her baby and was struggling with nursing, I offered to help, and had my chair(which is like my baby) sent to her. I feel very empathetic towards women who struggle with the initial challenges of motherhood. This chair is a designer chair specially made to support mothers. John Lewis doesn't charge so much for it for nothing. So while I parted with my chair with a heavy heart, I was happy little M and mother will do very well with it. And when I see little M growing beautifully and her mother dealing with all the challenges with some respite, I close my eyes and smile
.

Really each time P would tell me what a God Sent the chair was, and how it saved her back and endless visits to the Dr owing to back pain, I felt happy and truly healed. When I see M, I feel overjoyed.

SO well done you! And welcome back home!!!!

P has very kindly redone the upholstry, so my little girl is looking as fresh as ever! We have placed her in our bedroom where Aarshabh and I have our story sessions and songs and rhymes. Our day starts with a few jhoola cuddles and ends with jhoola sleeping. I do alot of jhoola reading, jhoola writing, jhoola talking, and just jhoola chilling!

I promise I will post a pic here, once I get a camera ... and figure out how to upload pics from that silly camera. Technology .... intimidating is thou name! for now lets make do with a picture from the internet.

Just like that

2010-10-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

A couple of posts away I shared about how banks intimidate me, I am putting down an imaginary conversation with a banker! (My brother is one, so this applies to him as well) A very bad PJ is coming your way ....

ME: Hi! SO what do you do?
Banker: I work for a bank!
ME: Oh! Cool! (And a really long pause)
Me again: Ummm which river?

*****************************************

Sorry Boss! 4 am waking up and binging .... this is what happens!

Maroon, green and Mehndi

2010-10-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

I love Mehndi! I have always enjoyed having Mehndi designs on my palms since I was a little girl. Be it Haryaali teej, Karwa chauth, wedding or just about any lame reason for putting mehndi:)What is really exciting is how the color comes (today it is dark maroon).

So while I write I gaze at a pair of hands which have been beautified by ornate floral patterns of Mehndi, green and maroon bangles! I so feel like a nail paint right now!

Talking about bangles I love glass bangles. Especially plain green ones, I think they look lovely on our Asian skin not to forget the music they create. You don't get them as easily as u did earlier, now the markets are full of kundan work on glass bangles, some gaudy gotta work as well. So I bought some green bangles yesterday as part of my last minute preparation for Karwa Chauth. Every thing is just so last minute for me these days that I couldn't recall the color of clothes I'll be wearing to match bangles with. What the heck! I just went and bought green ones, even though there is no green in my outfit (that I know for sure). Glass Bangle experience for me is incomplete without green ones! I bought rustish ones because I could vaguly recall that kind of shade in my outfit.

Back home, my mom gave me sargee for karwa chauth G's parents sponsored my bangles and Mehndi; my mom and my buji always give me sargee without fail. Thanks to them, I never need to shop - khelte kudte vrat karte hain.

So I opened the packet which was part of my mom's sargee - among other things, it contained a salwaar Kameez (like always) and it was a green one! A wonderful surprise so now my Green bangles are appropriately justified. My Buji gave me maroon bangles. Even though my suit has no maroon, I am wearing them - reason ... they look perfectly coordinated with green, and together its a perfect combo - maroon, green and Mehndi!

Wish I had a camera I could have clicked a picture and we could have a proof of how pretty my hands are looking!

:) :) :)

The Song remembers!

2010-10-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is our current favourite (Aarshabh's and mine) Aarshabh's because he has had a solid crush on Kareen Kapoor ever since he registered the medium called Television. And I simply love the spirit of the number, the sound,the soul everything!

Duniya ki baatein waatein chhod ke
Ghamon ki baahon ko marod ke
Khushi khadi hai jis mod pe
We got to go that way, we got to go that way

Koi galat ya kahe sahi
Hume kisi ki parwah nahi
Jaaye jahan bhi leke zindagi
We got to go that way, we got to go that way

Ale, ab jo bhi ho
Ale, ho jaane do
Ale, hum befikar chalte rahe, chalte rahe
Ale, dil se kaho
Ale, kehte raho
Ale, hum befikar chalte rahe, chalte rahe

Hume nahi kisi se vaasta
Apna alag hi hai raasta
Saare zamane ko hai yeh pataa
They know that we don't care, they know that we don't care

Apna toh chhota sa hai yeh jahaan
Marzi se apni hum jiye yahan
Sunte kisi ki hain kahan
You know that we don't care, you know that we don't care

Ale, ab jo bhi ho
Ale, ho jaane do
Ale, hum befikar chalte rahe, chalte rahe
Ale, dil se kaho
Ale, kehte raho
Ale, hum befikar chalte rahe, chalte rahe

Ruke na kabhi yeh safar
Yuhin chalta rahe
Hawayein kahe sun zara toh
Bheege na kabhi yeh nazar
Har lamha ab khwaab mein
Duayein aisi bun zara tu

Duniya ki baatein waatein chhod ke
Ghamo ki baahon ko marod ke
Khushi khadi hai jis mod pe
We got to go that way, we got to go that way

Me, myself and I!

2010-10-24T01:44:00.000-07:00

In nature nothing is perfect yet everything is perfect; trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and still they are beautiful!

I am not always right, and I try never to claim that I am.

I try not to push people down the road to 'The Tyrannical Shoulds'.

I feel we all deserve to be happy; except in my moments of weakness when I become a little hard on myself, and try to search for reasons to bash myself up, but that goes away after some time.

What makes me really happy is to see people I care for happy, to be able to feel that 'all is well with the world and God is in his heaven'.

I love to laugh when people around me are laughing .... even if I missed the joke .. what the hec! Hasne ke liye koi bahana thodi chahiye.

An intelligent well thought out POOR JOKE gets me in splits! I love pjs, try to crack some myself, I think it takes a creative mind to pull that one off.

I am NOT happy when my friends / loved ones abuse themselves in anyway. I hate to see my brother smoking, drinking more than the permissible amounts of 'social drinking' or even my friends. Why must you harm your body, when you can use your creative talents to touch so many hearts.

I run at the very mention of investments! I don't understand plans and policies and am extremely old fashioned, the only way to make money for me is to save it! Just yesterday someone was recommending a certain linked plan and in my mind I took an about turn and ran as fast as I could. I can't help it, its a phobia, yes you can have a phobia for some words like 'Investments', 'technology' and 'filling forms'. I always found Banks very intimidating. I think it has alot to do with my lack of ability to process mundane information that runs in pages. It takes me 3 weeks and 5 set of forms to finally successfully submit my request for a PAN No. and that too with the help of two people at different times (and I am not including two months of procrastinating and two weeks of pushing the papers out of my sight). I am all for desi Agents in whose able hands I can trust my life.

So I am as distorted as the trees.

But I operate from genuine concern, I extend warmth and compassion to people, I am conscientious, I try not to hurt anyone. I am enthusiastic and ensure that it is infectious :-) Which makes me perfectly suited for the industry I am in! A rehab professional (I am not doing any rehab for the moment though) but I am in the business of reaching out to those parents who might need someone to talk to. I am in the business where children can get all the love, time and understanding they seek from a caregiver, and sometimes don't get it from parents (for want of time). I am deeply touched by a loving smile and an affectionate hug, trust me ... I get them in plenty.

So despite not being very mainstream, not being very rat race compliant, I think, I am doing ok for myself! That is what matters!

Note:

Today's post is inspired by my need to write but inability to do so owing to a momentary writers block because I am exhausted by all the Diwali shopping marathon I pushed myself in back to back for two days, and also keeping social commitments in the evenings.

It was Vyapaar Kendra, to Galleria, to Qutub Plaza, to Arjun Marg, to Govindpuri, to GK 1, to CR Park, to Kalka Ji to Sikanderpur .... and alot of hopping about on busy roads with tonnes of traffic with bags and more bags and a mini nursery operating from my car which would come in the outdoors at the slightest possibility of a park. It was an adventure, my first with Aarshabh tagging along, I couldn't help it, this weekend is all I got and my Mom is busy with her work therefore not available. So I was more stressed than tired but it all ended very satisfactory.

Focus for today ... alot of thak thak and intoxicating aroma of furniture varnish and polish! My furniture required polish and repair ever since I moved it out of the warehouse, finally I get around to attending to it. My dining chairs are getting a makeover and some long pending repair work will finally get the attention it deserved.

We will be done and ready for Diwali by Wednesday ... it can come earlier if it likes, I am READY!

Just for kicks!

2010-10-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

Ok a little intro to this ...

When I was in England, at one point I was infected by 'Mera Bharat Mahaan' syndrome and therefore I read alot and researched alot and questioned alot. Wikipedia became a very good friend as it was a decent starting point. I touched upon many domains - history, music, films, mythology etc. This post is an outcome of one such curious wanderings.

I was reading up on Noor Jehan the famous yesteryears actress and singer. Further research lead me to Sonya Jehan her grand daughter, and I watched her debut film 'Taj Mahal' on youtube. (Uss waqt hum bohot welle thhe!)

I shall reserve my comments on the amateurish efforts of Akbar Khan, but the one thing I enjoyed in the movie was a qawaali - Ishk Ki daastaan. What was unique to me was the simplicity with which it was written and presented. (other than that I must add there was nothing to it)

"Alfaazon kee bhool bhulaiyaan har koi paar karne nahin paata hai,
jazbaaton ko sadgee se bayaan karein toh sabkee samajh mein aataa hai".

I am putting it down because it is a beautiful debate on Love - two thought processes one I highlight in bold and the other in italics.

Ishq Ki Daastan Sari Mehfil Sune ,
Ishq Dil Mein Chhupana Zaroori Nahi.

Ishq Ehsaas Hai Dil Ki Awaaz Hai,
Sun Le Saara Zamana Zaroori Nahi.

Ishq Dil Mein Rahega Toh Ghut Jayega,
Yoonhi Tadpega ,Machlega,Meet Jaayega,
Ishq Ko Yoon Meetana Zaroori Nahi.

Ishq Mitt’ta Nahi Hai Mehakta Hai Yeh,
Ishq Shola Hai Dil Mein Dhadakta Hai Yeh,
Sab Ka Daman Jalana Zaroori Nahi.

Ishq Elaan Hai Ishq Toofaan Hai,
Tauba Tauba Na Samajhe Woh Nadaan Hai,
Aag Dil Mein Dabana Zaroori Nahi.

Ishq Dil ke Dhadakne Ki Pehchan Hai,
Ishq Be-Baak Ho Jaye Badnaam Hai,
Haal-E-Dil Yoon Sunana Zaroori Nahi.

Ishq Koi Raaz nahin

Ishq awaaz nahin

Ishq khamosh nahin

Ishq behosh nahin

Ishq gumnaam na ho

Ishq badnaam na ho

Ishq duniyaa ko dikha de

Unkee aankhon mein chupa le

Khul ke jeene mein mazaa hai, adaa hai nashaa hai .....

and the argument continues ....

my take - To each their own!

Cheers!

Stupidity, struggles and studios!

2010-10-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

These three words go hand in hand for me. I have never been a photographer's delight, the only pictures that turn out nice are the ones that are not 'pojed' for instead are spontaneous.

Today I discovered and quite the hard way that my Son takes after me in this department as well :-)

Well we did his Mundan and since it was not really planned, I couldn't get proper pictures clicked. So I took him to a Studio, nicely decked up in Kurta Pajaama and Teeka. He looked lovely and I smiled to myself already anticipating some smashing pictures for his portrait and collage.

My son entered the Studio with great enthusiasm, pointing at the pictures of all and sundry and saying "wo kaun hai, wo aunty hai, wo uncle hai, wo baby hai" and even got attracted to the pins which he stared pulling out. I requested the photographer who was busy with an earlier client, "please take my child, he might not be able to hold on to this mood for very long".

In no time we were in the studio, this man positioned the lights and placed Aarshabh on a chair. Just as he was getting ready to click,quite contrary to my dream vision, Aarshabh stared crying "mummy passi jaayegaa babu!" He actually had tears rolling down his cheeks and I got nervous. Nothing was working, the photographer trying to appease him with a stuffed toy, me offering the mobile phone with his favorite songs ... and I was struggling "ummm .... whats that I say and he is in splits????" and I was blank - see this is what Studio does to me.

Very disheartened I gave it up, asking the photographer to let it be. I was walking out disappointed when the Studio's child specialist entered. "Madam, aap 5 minute bachche ko bahar ghumaa ke laayiye, itne mein main setting kar ke rakhtaa hoon. Oye sun (he called out to an attendant) jaa ke panwaari se chocolate khareed ke laa" "Make that Gems, I don't give him chocolates" I said.

Aarshabh enjoyed the swings for a bit and it was time to take him back in. This photographer was a magician, of course he only set the stage up but I became more confident and ideas kept flowing, I gave Aarshabh a gem and then waved it at a position where he gave appropriate eye contact. "Putra katothkaacha!" I said and he sheepishly gave a shy smile. "Fineeto!" and the smile became broader, "Idanna mam!" and finally he was smiling whole heartedly. Our Job was done! We got some lovely snapshots. BTW the above mentioned phrases make him laugh because I say them in a very funny way!

This reminded me of my time in school when I would participate in Dance & Music competetion in the Kathak solo category. A very nervous person by nature, I usually tremble on stage and smiling ... you can just forget about it! I used to tell my best friends P, R and S to sit right in front of the stage where I could clearly see them and make funny faces to which I would otherwise respond with LOL but because my nervousness was so overpowering, I would only manage a graceful smile. And the job would be done! (BTW my pictures as an outcome turned out very well)

:-) :-)

Zindadil

2010-10-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

‎"Blessed are those whose identities are shaken so they can discover that part of them that can never be shaken." Rev Michael Bernard Beckwith

This is very inspiring to me. I am someone who has been struggling so far with many unanswered questions from life on the lines of why me?

When I give my 1000% to relationships, work, etc and still people tend to conveniently, blatantly and SHAMELESSLY take away the credit due to me and generously hand it out to undeserving all and sundry.

When, despite my best efforts and intentions I falter, am not able to reach 'social propriety' to perfection, the very people who have ALWAYS approached social propriety from a place of self love and convenience COMPLETELY DISREGARDING HOW PEOPLE AROUND THEM COULD FEEL - point fingers at me.

When, I am the first to support, the first to ease someone else's hurt, the first to understand, the first to forgive above all, the first to prevent them from falling, why then people become indifferent to my need for support and compassion. Why then people conveniently forget that simple gestures of kindness are very good boosters of self esteem and I could do with some.

When I approach everything I ever do with a lot of commitment and preparation, why am I with people who use me as their guinea pig, they approach me with a lack of understanding, lack of sensitivity and casualness.

Life is a two way traffic boss, you give some, you get some. I have made a promise to not allow anyone in my life who is not worthy of my love and time. If you disregard me, do not acknowledge the truth, make up stories about events that posed a serious threat to my child's and my life making it look like the only reason why we survived our accident was because you were brave. Let me show you the mirror, I owe my life to NO ONE BUT MYSELF AND MY MOTHER. IT WAS MY INNER STRENGTH, PRESENCE OF MIND AND ABOVE ALL MY UNDYING FAITH IN GOD THAT GOT ME WHERE I REACHED. Instead of thanking me for being brave, for not crumbling, for being the sole cause that this precious child is bringing all of us so much joy, you will sideline me, just so you can satisfy your ego / give someone else's ego a boost or whatever, let me remind you we will all face the Al mighty one day. And that is the day I will ask you all my questions.

I often tell people, the one person who I can never run away from is my self. That applies to all of us. Deny as much as you like - the facts have been clearly registered with God.

As far as I am concerned, I am free to leave the minute I feel that I do not need to take the bullshit!

So from that place, yeah! Thanks for shaking me up so badly, thanks for pulling the rug from right under my feet. I am truly positive about this and I am grateful to you for giving me whatever care you have given. I am also grateful for whatever happened, because it made me a far more pragmatic and mature person. I honestly sympathize with people who are nervous, feeble, weak, fragile, vulnerable and completely forgive them, and am happy that one big contribution they made for me was at least to hold themselves together, I mean they could have fainted and I might have had another struggle to deal with. So thank you for trying to go beyond your limits. But that does not take away my contribution.

I am reminded of an old Hindi movie where the protagonist Rishi Kapoor and his twin brother are raised by Pran who is an ex Army man and not their biological father. The other twin is diagnosed at a very early age to be feeble hearted 'buzdil' and Pran decides to play God and make him stronger. His strategy is to completely sideline Rishi Kapoor and over empower the other twin. So the strong are punished and reprimanded and sidelined so the meek, feeble hearted can save their face.

The other example is of Eklavya, who readily gave up his thumb as Guru Dakshina to Guru Drona knowing fully well that Guru Drona asked for it only because Eklavya was a better archer than Arjun and Arjun being Drona's prodigy had to be the best. I salute Eklavya's generosity!

"Zindagi zindadili kaa naam hai .... murda dil kya khaak jiyaa karte hain!"

Humein to bhaiyaa zindagi kaa saath nibhaate chale jaana hai ... baaki duniyaa jahaan jaaye khadde mein!

The month of September

2010-10-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

This is my contribution to Global Times which is the in house newspaper of the organisation my school is part of. :-) (I am using 'my school' every where deliberately)

At my school, our methodology is to facilitate learning environments where children learn the best way they can. As per the Reggio Emilia approach, children learn through provocation, exploration and through interacting with the environment as well as peers. We also recognize how children are boisterous and need flexibility and mobility; therefore we facilitate extensive outdoor experiences to complete a holistic learning cycle.

The month of September was filled with a lot of fun. While on the one hand it brought with it Teachers Day celebration, where children expressed their affection and gratitude through the free hand portraits they made of their class teachers, on the other came a very special theme - ANIMALS! Children take to animals like duck to water.

Children welcomed the animal theme with a lot of enthusiasm – a kennel for the class dog, a Farm for Farm animals singing old Mac Donald had a farm all along to perk it up with music. “What about wild animals?” a child asked, and there – we had a forest scene ready for exploration and the in house aquarium gave the theme a touch of finality. Many of the aquatic, farm and forest animals were models created by the children through clay which was a good opportunity for them to explore and understand the finer aspects of animals - like who has stripes, who has fur, who has sharp teeth and who has a trunk and tusks! We also mapped the experience onto paper by making free hand drawings of the animal of their choice.

We organized activities like ‘Milking the cow’; ‘Floating Duck’, ‘Dive under the ocean’, which facilitated a hardcore kinesthetic experience. Children’s linguistic and auditory intelligences were harnessed by introducing specific rhymes as well as stories related to animals. Power point presentations on marine life and a movie show of Madagascar served as visual reinforcement. A visit to the Farm at Manesar was also organized which catered to the children’s naturalistic intelligence. It has been the vision of our dear Vice chairperson, to facilitate a learning environment for children which “nurtures happy and life long learners” and the team is making earnest efforts to follow her lead to the best way possible.

We invited some special guests –Roadie the Pug, who graciously visited each class wagging his tail incessantly and huffing and panting with excitement. Some children wanted to be like Roadie so they went on fours and contributed to the collective huffing and panting. Clara the class cow – Each class had Clara (a huge jersey cow cut out mounted on the wall) with udders (made with surgical gloves). Children got a real life experience of milking the cow, which to most was a very alien experience at first but by and by the experience became exhilarating. On the first day when children were asked “where do you think milk comes from” they were prompt to say “from packets!” Once children worked with Clara, they were able to easily scrutinize a real cow and point out ‘udders’ at the Manesar farm. They could appreciate the natural process of acquiring milk a lot better at the farm thanks to Clara! However there were some intelligent enquiries as well: “Clara is made with paper, so how come milk is coming out of her?”
Teacher “Well done for asking and it’s a good observation; we filled the surgical glove with white paint in order to let you have an experience without having to face potential danger”.

Peter and Polly the two Parakeets! Our chirpy chatterboxes received them with exceptional warmth. With the parakeets around, in no time the whole school was echoing with sounds of chee chee where it was difficult to tell the birds from the babies!

Compliments Galore ....

2010-10-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

So I got many compliments today.

As I entered school - A "You are loking lovely, very fresh, these days your skin is glowing" Me"Thanks, its nothing, just the facial" (Denting painting rang laa rahee hai"

During a meeting in the afternoon - M "I have been meaning to say this to you for sometime, you have lovely hands. Yesterday when you were explaining about the case study, I was very distracted by your hand" (MY hand or THE RING ON THAT HAND) I knew, a little addition makes a world of difference. Ting ting tiding!

Finally the best came from someone who gave me such a hard time when I started and still tries to grab any opportunity to do so.

Dr B "So how is Surabhi, is she settled well in school now?"
This person "Haan, she is happy and settled woh bas apne hee tareeke se kaam kartee hai par lagee rehtee hai!"

Yeh apne tareeke se kaam karna ..... totally my style. Kaam mera hai to tareeka kisi aur kaa kaise. I never compromise with quality in my work, if it will be, it will be the way I feel convinced! Of course I seek approval, but try to do it my way! :-)

Finally, kuchch aur kehne ko nahin is liyee .... pesh hai ye gaana, jis par koi bhee dance karna shuru karegaa .... meraa aaj kal kaa favourite

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXbWstg9TF8

Dil Toh bachchca hai ji!!!!

"Aisi ulji nazar unse hatt ti nahi
Daant se reshmi dor katt ti nahi
Umar kab ki baras ke safaid ho gayi
Kaari badari jawani ki chatt ti nahi
Walla ye dhadkan bhadne lagi hai
Chehre ki rangat udne lagi hai
Darr lagta hai tanha sone mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil to baccha hai ji

Kisko ptaa tha pehlu mein rakha
Dil aisa paaji bhi hoga
Hum to hamesha samajhte the koi
Hum jaisa haaji hi hoga
Hai zor karein, kitna shor karein
Bewaja baatoin pe ainwe gaur karein
Dilsa koi kameena nahi
Koi to rokey, koi to tokey
Iss umar mein ab khaogey dhokhe
Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji

Aisi udhaasi baithi hai dil pe
Hassne se ghabra rahe hain
Saari jawani katra ke kaati
Piri mein takra gaye hain
Dil dhadakta hai to aise lagta hai woh
Aa raha hai yahin dekhta hi na woh
Prem ki maarein kataar re
Taubah ye lamhe katt te nahi kyun
Aankhoin se meri hatt te nahi kyun
Darr lagta hai mujhko kehne mein ji
Dil toh bachcha hai ji
Dil toh bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil toh baccha hai ji"

Isse sunke kisi kaa mood uplift ho jaaye! Not that I understand all the sentiments, or words even, just the sheer experience of this song is beautiful .... the music ... the soul ... the words!

Mind blowing!

Khwaahishein kuchch dabi dabi si

2010-10-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I got the invitation again, I've been getting it off and on for sometime. Mostly I read it, smile at the thought of attending, but never feet the compelling need to want to attend. But this time some how I REALLY want to.

Its a workshop on Sufi Literature and Music. It is being organised by an organization with which an ex colleague from EB (encyclopedia Britannica)is associated. It will be a great learning experience, I feel.

But I can't go :-( Its two full days on a weekend, Aarshabh will drive nani crazy if I left him there, besides Nani may not be available for that kind of commitment.

But I tired my best, the dates were somewhere close to Id, called up G to check if he is coming for Id break, no he is not:-(. Aa jaate to mein jaa sakti thhee.

Chalo koi nahin, phir kabhi sahi!

Aisee hee kayee khwahishein hain jo yaa to dabi hee reh gayee yaa dafnaa dee maine! Chalo, kuchch kuchch ko yaad karte hain

1. I want to learn pottery - did a bit in school. I want to own my own electricity operated potters wheel, and I can make as many pots as I want and paint them the way I like using all the colors that bring me joy! There was a poster in GK Fabindia on a workshop on pottery - weekend again!

2. Mud Painting - the Kutchchi style - the way they make Habus. I tried doing it on my own, wasn't really successful. I will go to Chaandrani again some day and seek a mentor!

3. Canvas Painting - I want to make a lovely canvas painting! Never tried canvas.

4. Ballet - as a child I learnt Ballet, I was always into dance, it brought me a lot of happiness. In Welham, it brought me a lot of self confidence as well as recognition as I won many a dance competitions (I was a Kathak dancer), but I just gave it up when a part of me died :-). In GBS my friend P helped revive it by her infectious enthusiasm for dance and we did a few things here and there both in and out of school events. I want to go back to ballet (I dunno if I can EVER)

5. I had a white Mickey mouse album, it was my treasure box containing all my life captured in photos of growing up in Welham, it also had some pictures of special moments in GBS and College. Itnee baar shifting hui, national / international woh album kahin kho gayee .... aur saath hee kho gayee woh saaree yaadein jo mere bachpan ki amaanat theen. Un lamhon ko baar baar jee kar jo khushi miltee thhee woh ab kho gayee hai. Kaash, kaash, woh album mujhe waapas mil jaaye!

Shahaadat

2010-10-05T04:39:00.001-07:00

The good news is that my mobile phone which was put through the personal grooming trauma by my son will be repaired, the bad however is that my poor charger has left us for its heavenly abode!

Why the reverence??? Read on ...

So the last time I charged my phone, I plugged the charger in a point under my study table, and perhaps thats where Aarshabh took the phone from, not caring to switch the charger off.

In the evening, I was talking to Mom on phone and I happen to be in my room which is when I glanced in the direction of the study table! OMG!!!!!! I told mom "MOM, will HAVE TO CALL U BACK" she was saying .... me "later ma, BYE" I called Rita and I was nervous. She came and I said "look below, please is that what I think it is????" She looked at me quizzically, and bent a little "Its a dead mouse" she declared!

I became frantic " HOW????!!!!! JUST HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???!!! YOU ARE NOT CLEANING THE HOUSE PROPERLY, FROM TOMORROW YOU SHALL CLEAN THE HOUSE TWICE! BUT RIGHT NOW, LET ME GET ON THE BED AND YOU CAN TAKE THIS THING AWAY!"

I hopped on to the bed and closed my eyes tight, and for some strange reason even my ears (jaise koi bum phhotne waala ho) "door, bohot door pheknaa use!" eeeeeooooow!

That thing was found dead ... who killed it??????

Who else, my brave little soldier of a charger. Apparently the mouse must have nibbled on it, and the switch being on, might have cost the damn mouse his life!

I am so grateful to my charger that it shall receive a grand funeral service from your truly.

May its soul rest in peace. It will be greatly missed by one and all.

A little addition makes a world of difference

2010-10-05T04:13:00.000-07:00

I have this peculiar habit, usually when I am really tired / stressed, I remove my rings while I am asleep and fret all morning on finding them missing from my hand. Rita has got so conditioned to my ways that she almost always finds the ring. Infact the day I come home saying "God! I am sooooo tired" she starts giggling, and says "ab kal subah mujhe phir angoothi dhoondni padegi!"

So I took this habit seriously and removed all my rings ages ago .. I mean I can not rely on my luck always, can't afford to lose my rings.

Yesterday, however, once back from Denting painting, I was looking for something in my cupboard when I chanced upon this little box - it was the present from my mom for my birthday - with a beautiful diamond and emerald ring. I had left it like that, without even opening it. So I was tempted to wear it.

And I did,

and it looks beautiful :-)

So all through the day at school, people wondered why my right hand was so over worked, I scratched my nose with my right, I switched lights on with my right, while making announcement about case study manual, I gestured with my right, I called out to people with my right I carried books, laptop, bag, everything with my right, ate with my right etc.

Any guesses why?????

Denting Painting after so long!

2010-10-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

Today's post is typically girlie!!! Please do not be mislead by the title - we are not referring to Denting painting in the way it is used generally, but the way it is used in my life.

Denting Painting is my code word for visit to a beauty parlor. Ab gaadi ko chamkaane ke liye denting painting karte hain naa ... apne ko chamkaane ke liye parlor mein bhee wohee hotaa hai!

I am hopelessly irregular with parlor visits. Typically my parlor complains "kyaa didi aap itne time baad kyun aate ho!" While I really admire women / girls, now a days even men / boys (Shhhhhhh!) for taking personal grooming so seriously and being so regular about making time for all the leepa potti, I am not someone who is half as committed. Its not like I want to be unkempt or something, just the whole artificiality of it gets me. So I go for denting painting but only when it is absolutely essential. This time the visit was inspired by a certain comment at school (not in a bad way, I know the intention was good) "we will start parent child interaction for new admissions tomorrow, everyone must look their best, you are representing the school (aur meri taraf dekhte hue) aur din to hum jaise chaahe aa jaate hain par kal se thoda effort karke, preferably in saree."

So the effort, parlour gaye ... sarees ready kiyaa ... agle do hafte kee interactions ke liye poori tarah se tayyiar!

It is always very relaxing going to the parlor I must admit, and you come out all damkee damkee absolutely ready for the advert "aisaa hee hota hai, meri twachaa se meri umra kaa pata hee nahin chaltaa!!"

While at the parlor, with the pack on, I closed my eyes and couldn't help go into flashback.

As a child I always admired my Bau ji (nana ji) for his personal grooming routine. I was always fascinated by watching him shave! I love to watch people shave, (by people I am not referring to random people, but people close like my cha, bro & G)I tend to strike most of my conversations with G and bhaiya when they are shaving (only I am very careful when they are using the razor ... kabhi kabhi baat karte hue cut lag jaataa hai!) But aaj kal woh baat nahin jo mere Bauji mein thhee.

I remember it was my only incentive for waking up early morning when my mom used to try waking me up I would go on sleeping and then she would say "Surabhi, bauji shave kar rahe hain" and I would spring right out of bed.

Its just the whole process - he was a very meticulous man, and a very organised person as well. Every morning he would bring in the veranda a table and stool. On the table he would mount a medium sized mirror, and next to it he would place a bowl of warm water, a towel, and an aluminium box (an old box with a Krishan ji photo on it).

He would go about each step carefully, slowly, quietly. I used to just sit and watch him taking equipment out of his box and use it efficiently. I used to find fitkari very fascinating which he used as after shave. I mean its so beautiful, white colored translucent little thingie looking like soap but not making lather like one. Even today, with both my Brother and G, the aftershave experience (I mean the smell of aftershave lotion) is so mesmerizing.

Little wonder that one sees my son with a shaving brush whenever his father visits. For those days the shaving brush is a permanent fixture in Aarshabh's hand and he keeps chanting 'save karegaa babu!'

He not only does 'save' on himself but extends his expert skill on me as well complete with using wet brush followed by a sponge 'T' alphabet which for him is his razor! He enacts it to the Tee!

So we safely conclude ... denting painting zindabaad!

What time is it?

2010-10-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

Aarshabh decides my phone needs a makeover. He starts with tel misaani (my poor handset gets an olive oil massage) then my son declares - spongy spongy karegaa babu; loud enough for him to be audible in the kitchen where I was juggling between washing clothes in my semi automatic machine, cooking lunch and getting his breakfast ready. Honestly I was so neck deep in work, I couldn't care who he was sponging. Since no one gave him a wet towel to go spongy spongy on the oily mobile, he chose to give it the spa treatment, throwing it right into his bubble bath. The phone was being introduced to Tar Tar Singh the frog, Debbie and baby duck, Elle the elephant, Ninja turtle and pink, blue and yellow boat by the time I came to check on him, getting him ready for his bath.

Oh! I went for the phone, dried it with the towel and put it out to dry.

What time do you think it is??????

What ..... time to get a new phone .... what else!

In the mean time I am back to my olden golden days GSM number :-)

Ok, so I am not alone really!

2010-10-03T01:08:00.000-07:00

I ended the last post with 'akele hain toh kya gham hai ..." and I walked right into the movie hall. Even though it was a remake of step mom, and one knew what to expect, the one feeling that totally defined the experience for me was how important a mother is for her children. There was a scene in the movie when Kajol (who has cervical cancer) is hospitalized and the look of vagueness, blankness, confusion, being totally lost; on her children's face (or so I imagined) got the better of me. It can be very daunting to realize that you are not immortal and should something happen to you the one person who will be badly hit will be your child! And that was it, I took the fight to fitness VERY Seriously! It will be a long tough struggle because I have neglected and to an extent deliberately abused myself for 8 long years, but it is the fight to the finish!!!!!

The week for me was quite a MOVIES week! I watched two in a row! The other one was 'For Real' by Sona Jain, 'Starring Sarita Choudhury, Zoya S. Hassan, Adil Hussain, Sameer Dharmadhikari, Sriharsh Sharma and others, the film is about six-year old Shruti knowing something that no one else does.' (Is what the promos said)

The movie starts when Shruti, along with her brother accompany their father to receive their mother from the station. Shruti's mom comes out looking very different - with a hair cut. Shruti has been listening to stories about Orion galaxy and aliens from her brother and for some reason starts thinking her mother has been taken prisoner by them and in her place they have sent this stranger.

The first half of the movie is full of Shruti trying to block her mother away and her mother desperately trying to reach out to her. (I am glad I was all the time distracted by my son, or else I'd be very disturbed). I was upset at how children tend to get all judgmental about their mothers without letting them have a chance to explain. I mean the man can abuse his wife emotionally what with disregarding her contributions, her rights as a person, her aspirations, dreams, desires .... in the name of his 'flourishing career and opportunities to realize his dreams' and get away with it. There is a point in the film where when the wife confronts the husband about something she wants to do, for which she will need to go away, the husband clearly reacts "then you'll have to forget about being called my children's mother". The husband later decides to play God and tries to set up a music room for his wife ASSUMING that since she used to be a singer when they met, having her music back in the attic might amuse her a little and keep her gainfully occupied. The woman on the other hand is so fed up with the life, that 'she wants out' no music, no nothing 'just out'.

Anyway, so back to Shruti, post the intermission, Shruti reveals what she knows to her psychiatrist uncle who also is a family friend, and it is then that she really touched my heart ...

She relates to him about the incident on the night before her mother's departure. How her parents fought in the bathroom (the door was open and Shruti was watching behind the door). How her father abused her mother by laying conditions for her and asking her to choose between her children and her life .... how he has been cornering her so much all these years emotionally that he has driven her to a place of insanity and she in that moment of weakness, picks up her slipper and starts hitting herself all over. (that bit was extremely disturbing for me even). Once her husband left, she filled up the tub with water and submersed herself under water. Shruti watches all this from behind the door in a state of shock. She is too dumbstruck to react. Her psychiatrist uncle happens to enter their home just then. On not getting any response to his bell, he rushes into the room where Shruti is hiding, and goes straight into the bathroom. He promptly pulls the mother out. And Shruti witnessed them in an intimate situation, of course the mother pulls away as soon as she realizes what was happening.

"My mother would have died had she remained in the house" she said, "she was very un happy, so she left. She came in my dream last night and told me she has sent this other woman to look after me". By this time Shruti had started to warm up to her mother agan.

Wow! I felt, children can understand such complex emotions. Well I wasn't surprised, I know they can, thats why G & I are very particular about not letting our child witness any violence either in words or action any where. I inherit that from my parents (and G from his) - I never once saw them fighting, shouting or abusing each other. When ever they had differences, they resolved them in a dignified way. I think thats the least we can do for our children. Differences can happen, even n relationships can get sour but the children need not pay the price, in my opinion parents need to be amicable at all times and fade their relationship out gradually so as not to let the children even notice. Its a tricky one, not many people are capable of it. Ideally parents should not let the love go out, I used to say it all the time to my Dad "the least a man can do for his kids is to love their mother". Love is not something you acquire, you need to keep creating it all your life or else it will die out. I feel nurturing a relationship is like gardening, you need just the right fertilizer, the right climate, the right amount of sunshine, water above all love and you need to keep looking after it day after day and only then beautiful flowers of joy will bloom. NEVER TAKE YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED, THEY WILL NOT STAY IF YOU DO.

The other more defining moment for me was when this Psychiatrist goes and shares this information with Shruti's mother, she wonders why Shruti told him about it and not her father ... he says "because she thinks her mother loves me and so she can trust me".

We tend to get all territorial about children, but children are not confined to boundaries, they only recognize love, wherever they find it. I know people who spent days having long conversations with some one else's mothers, fathers regardless of how they were related to them. I think love and a soulful connection is all that matters! I have had some really special relationships with my friends moms and never really wondered why I was close to some one else's mother.

Children are such uncomplicated angels and I am beginning to see how my little angle is also my sole provider of strength and confidence. I have not officially declared it but I can see the wind coming right back beneath my wings ... the wind that got blown away when my Dad left me. What went missing with papa, I got back with my son.

I spend many a nights waking up and holding his hand and smiling to myself - I have everything I ever needed!

I am not alone :-)

This one is a special one

2010-09-23T03:30:00.000-07:00

I had an agenda for today, a specific target which I achieved and how! So from that context, this one is special.

It is also my 100th post so from that context as well this one is a special one.

Before we start the fun bit, I must maintain a minute of silence for the dying Image of my country the world over, what with bridge collapses, rooms unfit for living in the common wealth village, as a friend put it - 'India hit by a natural Kalmadi' hate slogans for Sheila Dixit etc etc. IT depresses me, saddens me, and I am sorry I want to block any mention of CWG preparations. I am sorry, refuse to acknowledge this is happening for real!

One minute of silence
*******************************************************************************
So like I was saying, I had an agenda, a mission for today.

Amidst the struggle of juggling home, work, kid, cough, cold, lack of sleep (owing to uncomfortable kid)I was feeling EXHAUSTED! I was so counting seconds even, to get closer to Friday afternoon, but was holding the fort bravely till then.

So yesterday, after packing off A to Tara, I reached school coughing and croaking, and went up to M to inform her I emailed a time slot to the parent of K(who attends her class) and she needs to follow up by putting in a note in K's almanac. M was proactive and called the Parent asking for the time slot for Friday, and then she came and told me, "Friday? I said tomorrow, Thursday" "No Surabhi maam, tomorrow is a holiday" she said. Holiday!!!!! wow! I didn't see this one coming, suddenly I was oozing out new found energy and was all excited about the unexpected holiday. Ur "BTW, what is it for?" I asked. She said "Haryana brdsdqsdem" (some tongue twister gibberish I was happy not to clarify - so long as its a holiday).

The best part of a life full of struggles and juggles and troubles (some times) is holidays! Apart from sleeping well I wanted to do something nice.

Last night a very close friend from school called. Her sister's directorial debut has just released on 18th and she has organised a special screening in Vasant Vihar for some friends. Naturally she called to invite, I told her I'd have loved to if it was day time (I don't go out in evenings, A doesn't like it) But I promised I'll watch the movie anyway.

That gave me the encouragement to set the target - I will go to watch a movie tomorrow - on my own - alone! I asked her which all theaters have the movie running. So next morning, I enjoyed being lazy for a bit, got A ready and we were at Tara a little after routine time. Then I set off on my first ever expedition of doing something fun ON MY OWN. Tried Mega Mall, they were not showing For Real but they were showing We are family at 11.50. Next stop Ambiance Mall, and on my way NJ called and she said "I checked from the net, Ambiance is showing the film in a 6 pm slot, MGF Metropolitan is showing it on 2 pm slot, and Vasant vihar PVR has a 12.30 slot." Oh no, neither suit me because 6 pm out of the question, 2 pm .. umm too close to picking up A, Vasant Vihar, I am not very well oriented with.

While at Mega mall in the morning I did have a dabi dabi se khwahish to watch we are family, so "Take a u turn" I said to the driver. But it was only 10 am, and I remembered - lets go to Galleria first, I need to check out this homeopathy shop a friend told me about.
Been there, done that, got all the medicines needed, bought two very useful books even and then off to Mission Movie in Mega mall!

In the theater, I bought the ticket, and the gatekeeper expressed deep concern "show toh 11.50 kaa hai" I said "koi baat nahin bhaiyaa mere paas kitaab hai" I smiled, and he smiled back. So I spent the rest of the time waiting comfortably in the lounge with my new book on homeopathy and smiling to myself at what I was doing.

I mean it is funny, I was here to watch "We are family" neither as WE nor with Family!!!

Just in time for the show I called up G
"Hi, guess what? I am out on my own, to watch a movie, in a theatre!"
"Wow! Great" He said
"I am very excited considering this is the first since 2008 Feb when we went for Taare Zameen Par in London"
"WOW! thats actually a long long time, and ... wait a minute, I haven't been to a movie my self since then"

"Beat you in the game!" I said and was all thrilled.

Arz kiyaa "Akele hain, toh kya gam hai, chaahein toh humaare bas mein kyaa nahin" FULL STOP

{Bas ik zaraa saath ho teraa onwards can just TAKE A CHILL PILL and go to hell :-)}

Getting there ... slowly

2010-09-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Feel so much better, I am finally getting out of that spell of depression, blankness, emptiness, emotional fatigue etc. Its been quite a struggle I tell you. I had lost my ability to get things done promptly at work, I could not even finish my reports, and couldn't get myself to go on with my planner. I was so behind in my schedule that I was uncomfortable. Parents keep asking for time and I have just been struggling to give it to them. But thank God! its getting over and I am getting back on track.

I feel overjoyed at the thought that today I started my one to one assessments of children identified for special attention, I also completed AC's IEP (Individual Educational Plan) which was long long pending! Yippie! I am happy because now we can go in a definite direction with AC.

AC who?

Well he is a three year old boy I work with at school, he tends to display autistic traits - we can not declare (even though experience tells me I am bang on target) but its the law, we need not label the child till he turns 7. Cool with me, as it is I believe in focusing on the abilities rather than the disabilities.

His mother feels that destiny brought us together. Well she is a senior from school, and I bumped into her in April when I came to pick up my appointment letter and she came to hand in the admission documents. I told her I'd be joining the team and she said 'hey watch out for my boy, he doesn't talk at all - at three no cooing or babling even'. I tend to downplay conditions so I told her 'relax, boys in general speak late, girls usually are the chirpy chatter boxes (though this rules is completely defied by my Son - he takes after his mother).

But the moment I met AC, I knew what was holding his communication and speech development. At first, in school many insensitive people wanted to give up even before starting, I got statements like "pataa nahin kabhi bolegaa bhee, aise bachchon ke liye alag school hote hain". I had to be very patient, not with AC but these outdated behaviorists who had such limited knowledge of the world we live in. I had to overlook many an insensitive and callous remarks, but I did what I needed to. AC is also lucky to have Indu and Sunita as his teachers, both very determined to help him and both dote over him. We call him the wandering star because he has an innate need to wander off. He is a doll, off late he is getting the first ever exposure to school transport and is so loving the experience that he is at his best behavior in the Bus. I don't know how much role destiny has to play but I am blessed to know him, he is such a darling.

AC definitely displays elements of developmental delay across some of the domains. In gross motor, fine motor, simple self help activities he is more or less at par with his developmental age.

His attention span is limited to approximately 10 – 15 seconds at a time after which there is a need to wander away and explore things on his own.

He can look at pictures and reacts by vocalizing or pointing sometimes but I have not been able to get him to point at the right picture when asked “where is tiger, apple etc”. He has a flair for numbers and usually can be engaged in a number book for longer times.

He indulges in spontaneous scribbles on the board with chalk, holding the chalk in a primitive tripod grasp. He has yet to develop pincer grasp so pencils are usually difficult to use, he is being given ample exposure to crayons and chalk to help transition from palmer grasp to pincer grasp. He only uses chalk on board for spontaneous scribbles.

He is roughly at 26 – 28 months in gross motor as of now. He can climb up and down the stairs with both feet on step and can use a tricycle by propelling it with feet. He can neither jump nor go on tip toes. I have instructed the PT in-charge to give him ample exposure to trampoline in indoor games and physically prompt him to jump by holding him along the waist and making him bounce on the trampoline. After ten such attempts, leave him on the trampoline (with close supervision) to figure it out for himself.

During play he is usually never part of group activity or rhymes. He enjoys being on his own and at times distracting other children more in a need to seek attention. He has only just started accepting structured activity (play dough, blocks etc) in a group. He is able to work in such activities in a one to one set up usually up to a minute or so, and then he gets distracted.

He is very happy to work with visually stimulating equipment and one will often find him marveling over the display on the soft boards.

He reacts best to ‘cause and effect’ equipment like switches and tape recorder. Mother also reports that he is very high functioning with TV & DVD operations.

He has a tendency to work around rituals, doing the same routine over and over again, and we could use this for his learning by setting specific routines for him.

He is totally obsessed with magnet buttons, will always have one in his hand. In fact during his one to one session with me, throughout the session he was clinging onto his own magnet which he even keeps with him in class. He gave me to hold it when we started a ball game and I placed it onto the shelf. He was visibly unhappy at that gesture and went and brought it back. Next time when he gave it to me to hold while he did something, I kept it in my hand and he was happy.

He loves going in Indoor games and has started accessing the slide without assistance. He also loves to stroll away to Nursery A and Admin office where he meddles with the admin computers and explores every drawer he can reach.

He hates being hugged and you can never force him to do anything, he has a definite mind of his own.

This is just the beginning of accessing input from a structured environment for AC. Considering his age we have started giving him input the way he understands and aim at helping him cover up the lags by the time he is ready for big school i.e. age 5.

I am happy to see he finds comfort in school, teachers, care givers and peers are accepting him well and I have a whole year in which we can really try our best to give him all that we've got!

Meet the Parents

2010-09-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Mom:"So who are you conducting a workshop for this saturday?
Me:"No one, just regular Parents teacher interaction "
Mom: "But you don't take a class"
Me: "Yes maa, I take the entire school, they may not have much to discuss with the teacher, they always have alot to discuss with the counselor!"

So I met parents today! Some were anxious, others worried, yet others clueless, a silly few blatantly on the wrong track and some were pretty well sorted! It was a pleasure to meet with the last lot, the well sorted chilled out variety. (actually there was just one) It felt nice because I could see a common value system, I could see both parents so in sync, so together, so eager to do it right by their children, so not wanting to go wrong yet so not overdoing it! I thoroughly enjoyed talking to them. So much that they compelled me to go out of my domain (which I normally don't allow) and had me share my views on handling teen age issues for their 13 year old daughter who goes to DPS! I'm glad we could share ideas! We ended with a piece of parenting advice I gave them "Bachchon ko khule aasmaan mein udne dena chaahiye! Hum unhe Ganda baavar (wild babool) nahin banaa rahe, par unko bonsai bhee nahin banne denge, unko apnee zameen apnaa aasmaan khud chunne dena hoga! Only then they will grow up to become responsible, healthy adults" :-)

Thank God the parents didn't think main bohot gyaan detee hoon ... I need to keep that in check (I received the feedback very recently, am not really happy being there - kuchch zyaada hee gyan detee hai) jab tak Neha complain kartee thhee thheek thaa ... Neha kaa toh janam hee huaa hai mere lectures sunne ke liye ... bhale woh sunte sunte so hee kyun nahin jaatee! :-)

Anyway, Saturday before last was my Parents workshop on "Understanding your child's play and Learning Styles". I deliberately chose the topic because I feel today Play especially joint play between parent & child is getting lost and Play is the first and most crucial tool in facilitating learning. In my opinion:
1. Play is Fun! Children’s laughter is a song of joy for living; the excitement of discovery and the surprise of the unexpected.
2. Play is Companionship! Joining with the family and friends in shared activities strengthens communication and builds bonds of trust and love.
3. Play is Learning! The growing child has much to learn but through play boys and girls can acquire and practice many of the skills needed for everyday life and schooling.
4. Play is creativity! Children’s imagination is nurtured through pretend games, stories and songs. These are the roots of human creativity and culture.

The challenge in today’s day and age is for grown ups to act more as playmates rather than teachers so that, together with the children they too can recapture the benefits of play and become effective facilitators in the process.

I chose Learning Styles to help parents get a peek into the multiple intelligences that an individual may be born with (Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligence Theory). Most children, just like adults will have one or more than one predominant intelligence which makes access to learning possible.

What follows again is the feedback:

Here goes ....

Please comment on the overall experience:

M R: It was a good and interactive session, it was great to know that the presenter knew details of each and every child. It gave good confidence in the faculty.

M V: This is very good initiative and will certainly help me to improve my parenting skills. The overall program was well framed and executed in a very professional manner.

A A: I felt very good to be part of this. It would have been more useful if it was with the spouse.

S: It was excellent experience, thank you very much to give this opportunity to explore ourselves.

M K: It gave me immense knowledge about how to deal with my child in a more effective way. Looking forward to participate more in such events.

P P: Overall experience was good. It explains a lot of behavior that I have seen in my child.

N T: Excellent experience, thanks a lot to the school and teachers for their cooperation.

P S: It was informative and very interesting.

R V. R: Very informative and a must for all parents.

S M: The overall experience is very good and I have learnt many alternate ways to deal with the child.

A G: My experience to attend this workshop was very good. Surabhi maam is really a very nice person and she took the class very well. This will help us in upbringing of our child.

Mrs. Gi: It was a great experience. I was lucky to attend this workshop as I look after my grandson most of the time.

M D: It is an excellent experience, and ofcourse helping me to understand more about my twins’ minds. I will definitely get back to Ms. Surabhi for further queries. I am really thankful for the wonderful program.

L P: The workshop was very effectively organized. We came to know about different aspects which we were completely unaware of earlier. The overall experience was quite good.

A V: Overall experience was good and many experiences of mine as a parent could be correlated with other parents.

R K: This just exposes us to a child’s world which is good to know while they grow.

B G: It was a great learning experience for me. Made me analyze the good attributes of my upbringing as well as the mistakes I do.

P J: Very good. Can / will now understand my daughter better.

M Ml: Through this workshop session, we came to know about the child psychology & learning behavior and will help us to better understand child’s behavior.

R: This session was really remarkable. I feel this is going to help every parent in understanding their child’s behavior. I highly appreciate Surabhi’s effort, she is doing a tremendous job.

U S: I am feeling great & want to learn more through different workshops by Surabhi Maam.

How do you see the information shared in the workshop helping in your personal objectives?

M R: This session will surely help me handle my child’s learning better.

M V: Certainly I will use the knowledge gained during the program in my day to day activity. This has helped in selecting the right kind of toys for my children.

A. A: It will be helpful for us to understand our child and her behavior. To understand this is very essential for the appropriate growth of the child.

S: Yes! It is very helpful.

M K: Very Informative

P P: Now I can bond more constructively with my child and understand her actions better, hence become more patient and understanding with her.

N T: Yes it will help in my personal objectives. Very effective.

P S: I can now actually implement the methods on my child.

R V. R: It brings a different perspective in handling & talking to the child. Thank You!

S M: The information was easy to understand and the doubts were cleared well. I am a bit confident about myself that I can now have another ways to deal with my child rather than getting irritated and scolding her.

A G: By this workshop, we can understand our child’s needs and can solve it in a better way.

Mrs. G: I feel I can now handle my grandson more confidently and allow him to do those activities where his learning can be encouraged better.

M D: This workshop has widened my thoughts, how to handle, and what other dimensions could be used to handle certain issues related to child’s growth and learning.

L P: It will help me in the overall development of my child. We got to know our child’s interests & skills in a better way. That will help in his nurturing good values.

A V: It is definitely going to improve me as a parent.

R K: In better bringing up of the child.

B G: It has made me realize that I need to be more lenient and spend a lot of time with my kids.

P J: Made me more knowledgeable and can now handle things much better.

M M: Through these learnings during workshop we will modify the communication and interaction with children.

R: It is going to help us a lot. As there were so many queries regarding Armani’s behavior which I think has been dealt with this session.

U S: It is very good, I like the way of teaching my kid, where ever I was feeling uncomfortable initially.

Hmmmmmmm .... makes me feel so thrilled! :-) :-) :-)

OK I am not conceited ....

2010-09-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

Taking forward Big Bertha philosophy, well I am still recovering from that stupid viral, apart from the weakness, it leaves me in a place of low tide. While I was keying in the feedback to email to our vice chairperson in the US, just thought of putting it here as well .... to feel ... (what the heck) really good about my self ... like life is not empty and meaningless, like I make meaningful contribution in the lives of so many, like I am creating ripples ... of joy ... of learning ... of whatever else!!!

What follows is the feed back to my Teacher Training workshop on 'Observation, documentation and assessment', I trained the teachers to write a case study ( a document of international standards created by yours truly)how to use the information documented to facilitate better learning for the children.

Here goes ....

Please comment on the overall experience:

N M: The overall workshop was interesting and good. The video clips were very interesting.

V M: New approaches to deal with few tricky situations were good learning lessons; as well as few methods of teaching were very good.

N A: I liked the workshop as it has enhanced our learning and experience as a teacher.

R: The overall experience was very good. Though we are doing most of the things but now we will be able to present things more adequately.

A V: The overall experience has been very good. More of these programs will definitely help us in our teaching skills.

S: Its a nice experience for me because, this is the first workshop that I have attended regarding this topic.

K N: Such workshops definitely give you more ideas to bring in and ideas that have been taking shape, fall in line to be implemented. Good workshop to get more organized and to revisit your ideas! Next time a proper seating arrangement would be better.

V S: It was really an amazing workshop in the sense that we could really improve our methodologies, we got new ideas, and the session was really worth attending, this kind of session should be conducted in the future even.

A B: It was a great idea to have a consolidated case study which was an important part of the workshop. As a teacher I was delighted to know that I was doing or should I say we all are doing things mentioned in the workshop.

M P: It was a fruitful experience and I would like to implement few activities in my classroom i.e. games based on concepts like inside outside.

M: The overall experience of the session was very good and useful. As a facilitator, I got to know about various ideas & activities which can help me to conduct / facilitate the learning procedure of the children more effectively and comprehensively.

A: Excellent

S P: The overall experience is surely a beneficial one, which will help us in many ways like documentation, evaluation etc.

I K: The workshop was very meaningful and informative. We got some excellent ideas that we are definitely going to implement in our class rooms.

K G: The workshop helped me realize that we are already doing most of the activities but now we need to organize our time for documentation and convince parents by showing them the indirect learning that is already happening.

R S: It was a wonderful experience. Videos were shown and these videos will help me in writing day to day observations, lots of interactive theme related activities were shown that I’m going to implement in my class.

S G: Most of topic discussed, are already in practice, just the labeling and domain wise observation process can be included and good examaples are shown in the videos.

M M – Very informative and excellent workshop. Doubts and queries are also cleared well.

P – It was a woderful experience and very informative workshop.

A – It was a good experience for me. I have learnt a lot from this workshop. It has increased my knowledge of dealing with children. The ideas that were shared are effective to enhance my skills, can be applied in real life scenario.

A N: It was an interactive and enriching experience.

M: This workshop has been a very knowledgeable experience for me. Such workshops help us gain new teaching methods in a practical way which can be already applied to the classroom.

LP: It was an interesting workshop. The questionnaire (as teachers do you ensure that?) was really encouraging as what can we do to make learning more interesting for our children.

NS (Head mistress): The workshop was very interesting, fun filled and the objective was very clear. Surabhi, you were very focused. I really enjoyed, you have put in a lot of effort, keep it up 

How do you see the information shared in the workshop helping in your personal objectives?

N M: We can do many activities shown to us in workshop through the video clips. They were very interesting.

V M: I will inculcate the ideas in my teaching methods.

N A: We are able to see how the teachers are doing the observations. The children were learning the various concepts, things through play way method and were really enjoying it. We shared various ideas which we can also incorporate in our teaching.

R: The information shared in the workshop will help me in writing case study and documentation and there were few activities which I would like to do with children.

A V: I need some more time for it.

S: It will really help me and I am quite confident that most of it can be done in the class and with variations.

K N: I will be more vigilant for better documentation. I will now be able to capture actions / learnings in a better way keeping the workflow of the class going side by side.

V S: First and foremost it was to enhance our skills, methodologies we can use in the class room which were different from ours to fulfill the objectives.

A B: The workshop made us all aware that we are moving in the right direction to obtain our goals.

M P: The workshop was a provocation for me as we are doing the things / activities which are shown to us. This session on the above mentioned objective can be greatly helpful in improving my skills as a scientific observer.

A: Very Helpful

SP: After attending this workshop, my personal objectives are more clear to me now, like what to observe, when to observe and how to observe. I have tools to document these observations in case study.

IK: After attending the workshop my personal objectives have become more clear to me like when, where and how can I achieve them more effectively.

KG: 1. Use of Hour glass – For aggression, center management 2. Creating stories related to letters (which we already do on the board and erase) but now involving children and writing on the chart paper. 3. Making children write a message and read later (bottle activity)

RS: It will help me in case study. Overall it will make whole class room experience very interesting.

SG: I think it will help me to organize more, to take out time to document in a daily basis. Also helping to adapt various methods of observations and documentation.

M M – Topics were interesting and relevant to our daily teaching objectives.

P – The workshop was excellent as the topics taken were very relevant to what we are teaching. The workshop has really helped me to understand the way children should be observed and assessed in the class. Thanks a lot, really looking forward to more of such workshops.

A – I am a new teacher over here, hence this wonderful experience will help me in fulfilling my objectives regarding how to do the documentation on a particular child. Which time can I utilize to jot down my observations so that I can facilitate his potential in a better way.

AN: Its useful and gives ideas which we can implement in our classes.

M: Yes, it will help me to know more about how to fulfill my objectives, as workshop emphasized on practical approaches and use of parallel examples like as explained in ‘Karate Kid’

LP: The information shared through the video clippings as how Reggio Emilia approach can be implemented was excellent, I would like to keep a letter box and activities based on counting. Reggio Emilia approach and learning centers are very much happening in our classrooms, but not that effectively as seen in the video clips as we have to also cater to other activities like curriculum, special week, presentation, assemblies etc.

NS (Head mistress): It will help all of us in our daily practice and will help us to be more focused.

Working with a child with Aspergers’ Syndrome

2010-09-14T06:12:00.000-07:00

This is again from my archives, back in the year 2007 October until May 2008 I was employed with the Oxfordshire County Council in their Service for Autism. I was placed at the Cherwell Secondary School, and worked with 11 children with mild to moderate Autism, who were all in the age group 11 to 14 years.

DA was one amongst the two children for whom I was Key person. Both these boys had Aspergers syndrome, but one was way apart from the other. Both of them gave me a lot of grief while I was with them and both went on to missing me for ages after I left. One of them enquires after me even now saying “I’m sorry I was nasty to Surabhi, if I say sorry will she come back”.

That’s the beauty of my profession, children just never forget you!

I am documenting this to preserve and share, should there be people struggling with the condition. Needless to say, no two people with Aspergers will be alike, but some strategies work with many people.

I choose to write about DA because it is effortless to write about him, as I grew very fond of him in the time I spent with him. He was always very obsessed with me (that’s the only way he could be fond of anything – by being obsessive about it). He would run his hand in my hair and feel very thrilled and say “you have silky hair ‘we got to do’!” On a day if I wore some kaajal he would say “you are wearing pretty make up ‘we got to do’”.

But there were difficult days as well. He would get all anxious and attack the school property, in his rage he had damaged a monitor, a cd player, a window and ….. well he attacked me and I had to go for a nuchal scan as I was one month pregnant then.

He overheard my conversation with a colleague and came all over me in an overwhelming hug “Oh! You’re going to have a baby ‘we got to do’”
“Well I could be ‘we got to do’” I said to him. “do you want me to ‘we got to do’?”
“Yes ‘we got to do’”
“But then you’ll have to be careful ‘we got to do’ when you are getting angry, you need to ask me to leave and not hurt my baby, is that a deal?”
“Deal” and he never attacked me again. (well I was also moved away from him once the risks went higher).

So a bit about DA – he is tall about 6 feet, strong, very cute, and something very vulnerable about him. Never maintains eye contact at first, but if he likes you he loves to look you straight in the eye. He is usually found flipping his hands in a rhythmic fashion which gets worse when he is anxious. Loves to learn languages and is extremely intimidated by boys who appear stronger than him. He is very sensitive about being teased and is very particular about how he looks in public (his public image). There is more to him, but I am not going to go in a biography.

What follows is a typical plan I followed when working with him along with some activities.

Geography / Football Club – This was a lesson customized for him in place of Math which he attended at the base with me. It was an ongoing lesson scheduled once a week on DA’s time-table.
We started work on this lesson by playing a board game called ‘Atlas’ at the base. This game reinforced knowledge / understanding of
Seven continents and four oceans, All continents grossly divided into countries, Positioning of different countries (which comes next to which)
We also talked about the different countries – knowledge DA already had about the countries (which reinforced his confidence) and I gradually added more to his knowledge by sharing more facts about the countries.
Besides that we played a General Knowledge Quiz game (facts about different countries) at the base. I usually allowed him to win the game, which essentially was to build his self-esteem. Sometimes I ignored his wrong answers and let him ask me the same question at another time where I too gave him a wrong answer and he read out the correct one, that way he did not have to face failure and he still got the correct information. Since this was also part of my relationship building exercise with DA, it was important for me to let him feel confident at all times.

We even worked on the project using Liverpool Football club. We identified the nationalities of all the 48 players (DA and I played a quiz around this). We made a scrapbook, which also served as his constant visual reinforcement for all the information he learnt about
1. The player
2. His country of origin
3. Facts about that country along with the flag of the country.
Since DA was keen to learn about India I added that as well to his scrapbook.

II. Outdoor Activity – I had four outdoor lessons with him in all out of which on one occasion he was very unwilling to work with me and chose to be on his own. Barring that one occasion we had some successful lessons:

1. On the first lesson he resisted going out, and on probing he said to me ‘I don’t like being seen with an adult outside the base’ and so we decided to play in the base. We first tried a game of ‘Catch and throw’ with a Rugby ball which was not successful as DA appeared uncomfortable catching the ball and soon lost interest (he can not process information about distance, time and speed). Then I tried something different – the same game but with a cushion (rules out the fear of getting hurt if u miss the catch). That worked brilliantly and we gradually brought variations to the game like
• Catch – throw
• Catch – touch your head – throw
• Clap – catch – throw
• Catch – count till five – throw
2. On the next lesson he was edgy and I could sense his resistance to any task asked of him at that moment. He chose to remain lying on the floor in the cloakroom for the first 15 minutes of the lesson. I spent that time keeping him engaged in conversation*. Once the base was relatively quiet (he works better in quieter settings) I offered to have a game of ‘Tug of war’ with him. He rose up reluctantly but came around. After a little battle I lost to him saying ‘change sides’ (with which I got him on the exit door of the cloak room) I lost this time as well and as we changed sides I slid into the entrance of the classroom (common room of the base). I lost again and changed sides, and now he was conveniently inside the common classroom. He realized soon enough that I had tricked him into coming to the base, and went back to the cloak room after which I just engaged him in conversation* and gradually got him out of the cloakroom into another room and we talked for the rest of the lesson.
3. On one day DA chose to play with a ‘Frisbee’ and we went outside for the game. It was a successful lesson and DA played with me for 40 minutes after which he came back into the base and we played some games like ‘rock – paper – scissors’ and some more games using rhythmic movements of the hands and fingers.

III. Homework – I had two homework lessons with him.
• In the first lesson he was required to read and understand facts about King James I. I planned a game of ‘The tipping top’ where he was to choose a colour on the tipping top which opens to 8 numbers, he was to choose a number and I would ask him a question corresponding to that number about King James. All answers were given on a fact sheet, which he had to scan, for the right answer. The objective was to have him scan that fact sheet many times so he could internalize all the information. But that planning completely backfired as he refused to do any work that day and chose instead to sit on his own in a quiet room writing names of countries on a piece of paper.
• In the other lesson, we were supposed to make a map of the Treasure island for his English homework. I made a map of the Treasure Island and coloured it before hand, made a copy of it and cut up the original into little puzzle pieces. He pasted all the puzzle pieces correctly on the photocopy and coloured the sea around the island. This activity was successful and he worked satisfactorily

IV. ICT (mainstream) – I went with him in this lesson once (which was also his first time in this lesson). Our agreement has been that DA goes into the lesson on his own and I follow later and never sit with him. He worked well on his own. Since he was new, he was having problems logging into the machine with his password. For this reason he had to be moved thrice to different machines, and had to go up to ICT 2 twice to check his password / inform about the fault. At a point he came to me and said ‘This is going to make me lose my temper’. I asked him to calm down and checked with him if it was ok for me to go into ICT 2 and see what needed to be done. He agreed, we got the problem sorted and once set on a computer he worked well. His ICT teacher Mr. S was very patient and supportive to DA.

V. German (mainstream) – He went on his own, I followed him but stayed at a distance. He worked well through the lesson and completed two out of three tasks assigned. The third task was difficult, and not many students could do, it so the teacher allowed him not to do it as well. He sat quietly, and was well behaved while some of his peers were trying to distract the class.

VI. P.E. (Mainstream) – My job was essentially been to accompany him to and from the lesson. At the lesson I supported him mostly in the form of verbal reassurances that he has done well at the task assigned, which help boost his confidence.

VII. Communication / Intensive Interaction – (I put an * sign twice above to connect to this)
DA usually required undivided, focused attention and worked well when he got it. From the time I started work with him, I focused on the following:
a Understanding his pattern of interaction,
b Topics of interests for him,
c Things he does not like.
I found that he tended to get fixated on a phrase, sentence and repeated them many times when these may appear inappropriate. I used the following strategies to try and minimize the undesired repetitive statements and to channelize his energies into more constructive outlets.

• Deliberate repetition of a phrase: ‘we got to do’ According to DA this was his ‘Indian accent’, he verbalized this phrase in a different accent, and did so usually when I was around. At first I tried ignoring it, (as I felt there was no point asking him to stop) then I started suggesting to him that we say it together. This way I could say it slowly with him, and that usually broke the rhythm for him and wouldn’t be enjoyable anymore because saying it with me would slow down the process and not sound very appealing. This usually worked; he stopped saying this just after we said it together. But sometimes he just went on regardless of whether I was saying it with him or not. I tried lip-syncing it - indicating non verbally that he do the same. That again worked a couple of times but not all the time. This approach, even as it tended to satisfy his need for repetition, still did not produce the same outcome, since he repeated the phrase inaudibly. When that also did not work as on Friday, I invited him to a conversation where we would end every sentence with ‘We got to do’ which went something like this –
“Hello D! We got to do”
“Hello Surabhi! We got to do”
“How are you today? We got to do”
“I am fine. We got to do”
“ What are you doing for the weekend? We got to do”
“I am going to Venezuela. We got to do” And so on …
After five minutes of this exercise he moved onto something else, easily forgetting the phrase. I used a combination of these strategies to gradually break this habit.

• Verbal threats to me– Each time he said things like ‘Wipe you all over the carpet’, ‘I am gonna squash you’, ‘wonder if you are in my beef list (hit list)’ ‘we are not friends’ etc; I tried to channelize his thoughts in a positive direction. Mostly saying a lot of ‘No you are not’. Sometimes I talked to him about things that were contextually quite far apart. For e.g. When once he cornered me in the hallway at the base, and started the verbal threats with hand gesture of smashing one fist into the other palm, I held both his hands gently and asked ‘I wonder whose art work is displayed on this wall? Do you know this person by any chance’ (it was his art work). He played along saying ‘No I don’t know, I wonder if he is a nice person’ to which I said ‘well he sure seems to be’ we carried on the conversation for a while and he completely forgot the threats.
• Use of tongue twisters – DA was very good at mimicry, picking up accents and an aptitude for language. Sometimes I broke the circuit of his compulsive chatter, as also the verbal threats referred to in the section above by asking him to copy me - “I bet you can’t say this – Betty bought some butter but the butter was so bitter that Betty bought some better butter to make the bitter butter better!” He most definitely attempted it and usually got bits of it right but I kept encouraging him to try again. In this process he forgot the verbal threats he was making.
• ‘Simon says’ – Usually when we were doing some work on the table and he started to drift away, I used to bring him back by coming up with instructions of simple facial expression copying like ‘Simon says touch your nose with the tip of your tongue / Simon says tongue in cheek” Sometimes it helped bring back his focus.
• High five – ‘Gimme a high five’ and I brought my hand up and DA always responded with a clap. This has been very useful breaking his trail of thoughts that seem to be causing him anxiety.
• Talk about Rocky and Zero (his dogs) and how I really like dogs and I think Rocky and Zero would like me.
• General chat about me, my family, my country.
• Focus on the common aspects – Each time he said ‘we are not friends’ I reassured him saying ‘Yes we are, both of us like red, both of us like Liverpool football club, both of us have brown eyes and therefore we are friends. We both enjoy playing Atlas, we both enjoy quizzing and we both like to talk about countries.’
• Diffusing his attempts to challenge with inappropriate action – One day he got hold of my scarf and started playing with it, then he looked at me and stretched the hand with the scarf towards a puddle ‘what if I throw this into the puddle, will you get angry?’ I said ‘Not at all, only the scarf will get dirty, which will mean that I’ll have to wash it. But once it becomes dirty, that’s the end of your game with the scarf since I’m sure you’ll not like to wrap around a dirty scarf’.
He moved away.
• Leave him alone – It was important to gauge when he wanted to be left alone, and the more time I spent with him the more I was able to see when to persevere with him and when to leave him alone. In my experience the only time his temper flared up was when I tried to push him to do something when he was tired / or wants to be left alone.

At such times its usually best to diffuse tension by offering them a drink / something to eat.

"Running With Angels"

2010-09-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

Ok I owe this one to my darling ever inspiring Big B!

He was home last weekend to spend 'promised time' with Aarshabh. Aarshabh dotes over Maamu, maamu is his bestest buddy, he is fun and sporty and plays rough and tumble, all the things mummy does quite grudgingly. Maamu runs with the boys in the park, puts them on the slide, get them to climb jungle gyms, and just makes them feel so good about being boys! Mostly when Aarshabh, Atharva and Yajur go to Park with Bhai, wahan ke baaki bachche bhee gher lete hain, he is quite popular. (God Bless Him and protect him from all evil! Amen)

So bhaiya was telling me about this book he bought for my bhabhi that I too must read. Just listening about it was so inspiring, and it had an infectious impact on me. I have gotten into action ever since. The Little Steps have been taken and we will keep moving up at a pace convenient and comfortable.

I was telling mom, Bhai has this way of pushing you to the limit and getting you to push your boundaries! Thanks bro, aise hee log mujhe bhaiyaa ki behen nahin kehte thhe bachpan mein, I am quite ..... your chamchi :-)

So the book; I found something about the author on the net and putting the link here.
http://www.runningwithangels.com/index.html

While sharing with a friend the feedback I got was 'its a book for girls' ... possibly, but in case anyone is interested, looks good to me.

Now the funny part - while google searching the name I accidentally typed a wrong surname and what came forward was so shocking that I immediately called my Bro who is in Goa, asking for the EXACT SPELLING!

And both G and bhaiya had a hearty laugh over what or shall I say who I stumbled upon .... this obscene, almost nude woman called P.A. Chee chee chee!

G is so cheap, he is teasing me - did you get to see her topless pics by the way!!

Oho! Ten times chee chee chee!!!!!

Gods must be unemployed!

2010-09-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

I am sorry for God, alot of people these days are vying for his post - to play God that is! You know, what with people deciding for you, controlling situations for you aur jaane kya kya.

I am a little upset, not so much for my sake, because I am basically quite chilled out, but more for G. Yesterday was Teej, the Bihari Karwa Chauth where the wife fasts from 4 am to next morning 4 am. I am not Bihari by birth, but ever since I got married, I have always observed this fast, without fail, in sickness ... or in health. Infact, with mild alteration I also observed it during and after pregnancy. G has always been pretty thrilled, I think it makes him feel special, and its also a way of celebrating the marriage. I remember the first Teej fast I kept, G came home in the afternoon and expressed his disappointment like a child "yeh kaisaa Teej hai jahan naa thekua ban rahaa hai naa Pidakia(Bihari sweets). And I said "oye! at least I am keeping the fast, be thankful you are getting to eat SOMETHING if not thekua and pidakia".

So many Teejs came, even in England, I kept both Teej as well as Karwa chauth. Well I keep Karwa Chauth because that makes my mom very happy, and (she buys me presents, sends me sargee ;-D) Well typically the husband does all that, but G never did any of this, either I did it for myself (when in Bhuj) and after the first Karwa chauth where I struggled to find fenias, my mom sends me sargee and presents without fail, she even sent it to England. But G bought me one saree in 2007 from Fabindia for Karwaa Chauth :-)

These fasts have been special in their own way, in Bhuj, we went looking for a shiv Parvati temple, in CR Park we went together to the Kali badi, in S block we had a temple right next to the park. In England, we prayed in my own little temple at home and actually went out on the road to look for the moon to break Karwa Chauth fast. Its been quite a journey travelling through 8 Teej & Karwa chauth fasts.

So yesterday was Teej, I had requested a specific person to let me know the exact date, some time ago and that person called me yesterday by 11.30 (by which time I have already had breakfast) that today was Teej, but I purposely did not tell you because I was told you have been sick and 'bekaar mein Teej karne kaa strain padtaa'.

For a second I was blank - but I can't say much, what was done was done. I remained quiet. In the evening, G called his parents and got to know from them. He later spoke to me and clearly sounded a little unhappy.

My point is mature handling would be to let me know in time (since i specifically called ages ago to ask) and if you MUST play God then say "Its teej tomorrow, while there is no hard and fast rule you observe considering you are unwell, but I'll let you take that call". I would have made an informed choice, maybe involved G. If we would have felt we need to let this one go by, it would have been our joint decision. No body would have felt bad. I am in no way undermining the said person's intention of showing concern for me, but it would have been alot better if we could start acknowledging that we are all adults and can make sensible decisions for ourselves.

I am not happy!

From now on, I will invest in a Hindu calender and find out all the relevant dates myself.

Tempering the Temper!

2010-09-10T04:57:00.000-07:00

I am a typical Aries, absolutely by the book. I used to have quite a temper, people used to say "her temper is way shorter than her height". Mom used to say 'har dam gussa naak pe rakh kar kyun ghoomti hai". Normally when I would get in a rage, every one around would hide behind my Dad, because he was the only one who could reach out to me and who had a calming effect on me. I remember having real long walks with him in the wee hours of the night when our Block watchmen would witness so much yelling and shouting coming from a girl and my dad would be as poised and composed as could be and say "tu itnaa chilaa kyun rahee hai?" This was our routine, whenever I would go up to him at night and say "Pa, I need an Om walk walk" (Om waak waak is part of a havan matra) my dad always knew what was coming.

Its just this world ... duniyaa badalnaa chahte the! I couldn't bear to have people tell me how I should live my life, what I need to do and when. The only outlet I had was my anger which always came pouring out to Papa and he would smile and would say with a cool air 'Suno sabkee, karo apne mann kee'. I used to get so irritated, i mean, how can he be so cool!

Every time I would start getting rude he would say "chee chee! Kauua karkash kaala hai, issko kisne paala hai; Koel meethha gaatee hai, sabke man ko bhaatee hai!"

It took me a while to learn that, mostly after he left :-) But I know he is watching from above somewhere and I think he is not very sad to see how I am doing.

The seeds of wisdom for me were sown by you Papa, I am who I am today because of you. I love you and I miss you and I think of you especially when I am unwell. Aap hote toh main bohot temper tantrums throw kartee ... "dawai nahin khaani! nahin khani toh nahin khani Bus!!!!" Tab aap koi Desi nuskhaa leke aate as a compromise and then we would negotiate and I would say "Ok I'll have the joshina but not Sittopaladi ... I hate Sittopaladi" (Oh that reminds me, I have Kanth sudharika .... kal se khansi ke liye kuchch dhoond rahee hoon).

I remember how you always said "Mritbhashi bano" "Sadaachari bano" is liye mein neeyam se sadaa aachaar khatee rehtee hoon ;-D

*************************************************************************************

Back in time, in Bhuj, we organised Teacher Training program to formulate and execute - Non Formal Educational (through low cost items). We had invited a very well known and seasoned educational thinker of Gujarat whose forte was to work at grass roots, his name was Deepak Dada. Deepak dada was also a very active Vipassana Meditator, I later discovered. A very disciplined man, he had a vast and dynamic experience to share with us.

We had organised the residential workshop in Bohter Jainalaya (72 Jain temples) a little out of the Bhuj city center. This was a beautiful place with lovely gardens, walking track with flower bed on one side and bajri on the other.

I woke up early morning and came out for a walk, and found Deepak dada already taking rounds of the garden. I started walking slowly and soon we came to a point where he and I were in front of each other (about to block traffic as the track was very narrow). Automatically I stepped into the flower bed and he into the bajri. For some funny reason we looked at each other and smiled. As I walked past him, he called out 'Bitiya', I turned and came towards him, he put his hand on my head and said "shabash, yeh beti kaam ki hai" (I gave him a questioning look), he continued "jab do bewakoof aamne saamne aate hain, to aksar saare raaste band ho jaate hain; jab do mein se koi ek bhee samajhdar hota hai, to kam se kam do raaste khulte hain, aur jahaan dono hee samajhdar hote hian to teen raaste khulte hain jaise ki yahan, track, bajri aur kyaari". Aur woh haste hue chale gaye. (He was a 91 year old man and walked with a stick, a man with alot of wisdom). Unhone sar par haath rakhaa to mujhe lagaa mere hee dada ji kaa haath ho jaise.

Itnee gehree baat itnee saraltaa se samjhaa dee. Aaj tak gaanth baandh ke rakhee hai

"Jab samne se koi ek bhee samajhdar ho to kam se kam do raaste nikalte hain - track aur samjhdaar aadmi kaa chuna hua bajri yaa kyaari. Aur dono hee samjhdaar hon toh bhai sahab kya baat hai!"

Hum sabhee ko thodaa thodaa samajhdaar honaa mangtaa hai!

कोशिश करने वालों की - हरिवंशराय बच्चन

2010-09-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

Koshish Karne Walon Ki -(Harivansh Rai Bachchan)

लहरों से डर कर नौका पार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

नन्हीं चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर, सौ बार फिसलती है।
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढ़कर गिरना, गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है।
आख़िर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,
जा जा कर खाली हाथ लौटकर आता है।
मिलते नहीं सहज ही मोती गहरे पानी में,
बढ़ता दुगना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में।
मुट्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

असफलता एक चुनौती है, इसे स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गई, देखो और सुधार करो।
जब तक न सफल हो, नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम,
संघर्ष का मैदान छोड़ कर मत भागो तुम।
कुछ किये बिना ही जय जय कार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती।

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Another one from the childhood diary

2010-09-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

I realized what a horrific blunder I made ... I did not do justice to MY ALL TIME PARTNER in crime! Vibs, the fourth angle of our quadrilateral.

Vibs and I have shared a very significant part of growing up together. She was the one I confided in, the only one who mostly had access to all my secrets :-) We had a front porch in our house which had a staircase leading to the first floor. We spent most of our teenage years sitting on the (to be precise) fourth from the bottom step and discovered many of life's enlightenments. Even as little girls, we would run about on the first floor which was basically a semi finished structure (like a khandar)my Grand dad had to leave it half way for want of money, which was later completed by my dad and uncles. We used to feel like poor girls living in a village, playing ghar ghar, we would wrap chunnis around our head and cook food on an imaginary choolah and we would even sport a pretend cough! (Oh! We are so poor - this was in GK I btw)

Among the many enlightenments we discovered togeather, the ultimate was from 'If tomorrow comes' by Sidney Sheldon ...

Its the story of Tracey Witney who is framed by Mafia and thus sent to jail, her struggles in jail form a very gory part of the novel, which back then really shocked us. There was this character BIG BERTHA who was a lesbian and a bully and did real mean mean things to Tracey even causing her to have a miscarriage. Anyway our focus in not on the mean things she did, but her obsession for Tracey. Once out of prison, on her trail to revenge, a moment occurs in the novel where Tracey sits down, feeling tired, useless, depressed, like life is meaningless and says "No body wants me ...:-(" But then all of a sudden she reacts "No! Big Bertha wants me!" and she is up and about on her business as usual. Basically the thought that even for the most bizarre reasons, there is someone out there who wants her ... makes her feel rejuvenated!

So whenever Vibs or me were down and out and said "no body wants me ...." then together we'd shout "Oh! No! Big Bertha wants me"!!!!

No I don't think we need to look around for lesbians to be happy!

The point I am trying to make (apart from reliving special moments) is that so many times we don't look carefully around us, the smallest of things can give the biggest happiness, the simplest of gestures can leave the most profound impacts. In this case though the gesture was neither small nor simple, it was rather ugly and gross yuck! yuck! But Big Bertha did become part of our life ever since :-)

The other very often remembered incident was when I was very sad, mom had gotten very angry with me (very high expectations from the elder daughter) so Vibs and I sat on our staircase singhasan and I said with tears filled eyes

"Why don't nice things happen to me ...Main kya itnee buree hoon?" and Vibs in all seriousness "Mujhse to zyaada..."

Me "what? (one tight slap)"
Vibs "Oho, poora to bolne do, mujhse to zyaada achchi ho" and we both started laughing.

We used to go for walks around the 'Mahavir Pahari Mandir' once we were sitting on a bench and a car stopped by to ask for directions "Ji yeh sadak kahan jaatee hai" (Basically it was a round about track and he meant to ask where was the exit) and I said "ji ye kahin nahin jaatee, bus gol gol ghumti hai" (And I was very serious, I meant if u r looking for a proper exit, u wouldn't find one)

But as that person drove past giving me THE LOOK, both Vibs and I laughed to our hearts content on what the conversation sounded like.

God! Jaane kahan gaye woh din! Chalo shukra hai Khudaa kaa kii kam se kam aaye toh wo din!

Arz kiyaa hai "Beemaari mein yaad karne ko ... Ghalib khayaal bohot achcha hai!"

God! I miss my childhood!

2010-09-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

"Baar baar aatee hai mujhko, madhur yaad bachpan teri;
gayaa, le gayaa tu jeevan ki sabse mast khhushi meri;
chintaa rahit khelna khaana, wah phirnaa nirbhay swachhand;
kaisee bhoola jaa saktaa hai, bachpan kaa atulit aanand;
oonch neech kaa gyaan nahin thha, chuaa chhoot kisne jaani;
bani hui thee wahan jhhopadi aur chhethdo mein raani"

I have been sick :-( viral body aches, sleeplessness, restlessness and what have you! For some strange reason, I feel the need to go back in time. Some voices are echoing in my head, giggles, laughter, jokes, basically a very affectionate family life. Its not surprising, I picked up my phone and tried calling all the people who made my childhood so special. I close my eyes and go into flash back ....

Rekha chachi "Tu aate jaate sab ko din mein dus baar namasete kartee hai, shaadi aisee jagah ho gayee jahan bas tu akeli hogee toh kya karegi?"

Me: "Kuchch nahin, aap sab kee photo line se taang loongi aur aate jaate dus baar namste karoongee"

Rekha chachi (all emotions personified) "beti paalnaa toh kisi aur kaa baageechaa seenchne jaisaa hai"

Vaibhav bhaiyaa (in his typical humourous self) "achchaa ...hum to bhaiyaa poora mughal garden seench rahe hain!" Very funny indeed! (we were 9 nine girls and three boys).

Rekha chachi "Surabhi, jab tu chhoti thee toh roz apni dress se matching bindi lagaati thi aur Daadi maa kehtee thee - meri red butterfly, meri green butterfly"

Vaibhav bhaiya "haan, aur ab dekhtee to bolti meri red buffalo, meri green buffalo!!!" (Cheapster!)

Whenever I used to cook something both my brothers used to say "aaj paani bohot swaad hai naa!!" (Khud ki beewi jab kuchc nahin banaa ke degi tab mujhe yaad karoge).

Even today, no one can make eggs better than Saurabh bhaiya and whenever I go to chachi's house Vaibhav bhaiyaa always makes Raajmaa chaawal and cheese and corn macaroni. I am so lucky to have people in my life who love me so. Even if the trade off is that they tease me more than they love me ;-)

I remember when I got married, my husband's brother said "waise bhabhi, mazaak kaa rishta to humaara hai aapke saath, par aap ke bhai itnaa chhedte hain kee one ends up taking your side!"

But when I wrote my first mail from Bhuj to both my brothers - dono kee aankhon mein aasun bhee aagye thhe! I wrote to them about my daily routine, how I used to start my day with cleaning the house, washing clothes, utensils, cook etc. etc. (G didn't keep a maid - it didn't occur to him that perhaps help would be useful for me) and I was too new to know where to find one. I was so touched to know that they cried, upar upar se kitnaa tang karte hain par hum chaaron aapas mein kitne jude hue hain (we were a group of 4).

And G very conveniently used to slip into my brothers' gang, which.... I could never appreciate.

When Rajiv chacha came to Bhuj and he saw bandage on my hand (kuchch kaat te haath kat gyaa thhaa) he too started crying, and said "tu kitchen mein mat jaa, tu yahan baith, teri chachi khaana banaa degi". So touching.

We took them to Mandvi beach, and I asked "Cha, aap kabhee beach par pehle aaye ho?" He said "haan, ek baar, honeymoon par teri chachi ko le gaya thha, ab dobaara, honeymoon kaa nateejaa le kar aayaa hoon!" (Oho! how can u talk like this - but that is my cha - typically Punjabi sense of humour).

Rajiv chacha to my mom "bhabhi jaanti hain, humaare ghar mein itne Virgos kyun koot koot ke bhare hue hain .... kyonki January mein bohot thhand hotee hai!"

I was lucky and blessed to see so much love and concern under one roof. I remember when I was down with Jaundice in Bhuj (after working in the flood relief program) and I was heading to Delhi via Ahmedabad, Rajiv chacha came to pick me up and as he held my hand, to lead me to the car, I felt very safe! Like nothing can harm me anymore, I will be fine. Even now, in tough times, I just call him and I don't have to say what I am struggling with, just a simple "Hello chacha, aap kaise hain" does the trick.

Today when I am weak, and in pain, I think of you all. The people who love me, the people who made life special for me, the people who made me see that despite all odds, this world is a beautiful place, this life..... worth leading.

And for G, I am happy you are here, its such a privilege to be sick when you know someone else will look after your child. I was saying to him yesterday "achche time pe aaye yaar - aaye ho meri zindagi mein tum bahaar banke" toh uspe G ne kiya chance pe dance "arre Nahin, aaye ho meri zindagi mein tum bukhaar banke!" hahaha

But it means alot when he made aate kaa halwaa for me last night. This is the one halwaa I could never make, and G says 'don't even try, you mess it all up" in my defence,aata chhod ke main saare halwe bohot achche banaatee hoon, ek aate kaa halwaa kya banana jaante hain, log baag toh apne ko Sanjeev Kapoor samjhne lagte hain!

In search of happiness ...

2010-09-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

As I say often to Aarshabh these days "Aapke naanu kehte the ..." and the conversation goes on.

The one story my dad told me over and over again when I was little, was the story of 'Dhruva Tara'. Its truly among my most favorite inspirational stories. Its about perseverance, about not getting confined in boundaries, not getting entangled in useless negative emotions like jealousy, self pity, anger, aggression. Instead, its a story that teaches us to be happy regardless of what comes your way.

The one thing I take from the story is the concept of self realization. I am discovering every day that happiness is not a function of the outside world but an inner state of being. You choose to be happy that is; its not what happens that defines you, but how you deal with it! I remember reading on a friend's blog "the only commonality between what worked for me in life and what did not work for me was ME"

So beautifully said! We tend to worry too much because we rely a little too much on external factors for us to be happy. He will do this for me and I will be happy, she didn't do this for me, and so I am unhappy etc. This happened so I am sad, that didn't happen so I am worried. I think worries find breeding ground in our inability to know ourselves or plain and simple ignorance of our potential. I do that alot myself. I have lived all my life nurturing a reality that I am not good looking, and always went out of my way to be accepted at all levels, sometimes trying too hard to the extent of perfection. I have fairly succeeded in making excellence my way of working, I happily embraced the Biba Puttar Syndrom but the confidence ... is still lacking,because I gave too much importance on what people felt about me. I remember G always found this very amusing, each time he said "you are beautiful" I would look back in blankness, and he would laugh. Chalo, atleast G helped me see that I can be potentially beautiful.

This was just an example, people find many reasons to not accept themselves for what they are, and what they can be, they get so badly caught up in what the world will say, how they will look etc. Such mindsets are perfect havens for worry. Woh kehte hain naa "Vanity is where the feeble and foolish are most vulnerable".

Sometimes people obsessively, aggressively and stupidly want to be heard, talked about, be in the limelight, basically they will know how to lead your life; exactly how you need to be, without caring one bit to walk the talk themselves. They are the guys who know so little about themselves! A fraction of them are innocent and ignorant even, and such are the people I have sympathy for. Just two days ago someone really close wrote me a mail "These are the things I want to know about you" and sent me the song 'Inside out' by Brian Adams. while I was truly touched by the gesture, but my immediate reaction was 'bhai saab, pehele khud ko to jaan lo'. I will be very happy for this person when he has gone past the boundaries of conventional behavior of bottling up and set himself free! Get to know yourself ... baaki khud ba khud samajh mein aane lagenge! Hum sab alag thodee hain!

I think we need to be happy for the sake of happiness. Its not very difficult, I for one am very happy when I have my headphones on and look for my favorite songs on the net and keep listening to one song over and over again! (I have limitations so my source of happiness is confined to this activity). I mean I have my son who makes me really happy, but my song time, is me time! I don't trade it even for The Son!!!

There were times I used to be very happy reading a book, now it has become audio books as I am always on the go, so when I get an Audio Book I like, I am very happy. When I go to buy toys for my son, I am the most happy, and likewise for cloths.

The simplest - when I get to sleep for a WHOLE night .... I am over joyed! (Just like tonight - two sick leaves, back to back! Yippie!)

Cheers!

My take on my name is Khan!

2010-09-06T06:39:00.001-07:00

God I am so tired!!!!!!!
The child's illness, the stressful sleepless nights, the swollen knee (ouch), the hovering tension of Parents workshop really GOT THE BETTER OF ME! I used Sunday to recuperate, but I needed more than that - so Monday was off! Yepie! A very special holiday this was as Aarshabh was off to Tara and I had .... 9:30 am to 3:00 pm .... ALL TO MYSELF!!!! Well I used it the best way possible ... I dozed off :-D

Anyways so much of footage just to build on the explanation why and how I watched the film. It was on TV on Sunday and I was too tired to do anything else as I couldn't move! Besides high time I watched it as many people keep asking for my opinion considering the film deals with Aspergers' syndrome, a condition I have worked very closely with.

Precisely for that very reason I was put off the first time round when I was brave enough to attempt watching it - again on TV (I have my deepest sympathies for those who went through the ordeal of watching it in theatres).

In my opinion, Shahrukh Khan, the intelligent man that he is has made a very earnest effort to bring out the specific presentations of this condition, I give him that, except for a couple of times when the star in him took over (and he said a dialogue in kkkiran style, and the hmmmh that he does)he was decent, atleast he was not lost.

Kajol, for me was the bigger disappointment, I think she is losing the charm, I mean she was great in Kabhi Khushi kabhi gham, pretty good in Fanaah ... here she completely over did it! As if she was trying too hard to send out the message (Main bhee hoon naa). I think the only explanation I might give (because I like that woman's spontaneous acting skills) that since Shahrukh was in a role where he couldn't even maintain eye contact with her, she was lost. As they say that good performances are not as much about acting as they are about 'reacting'. I don't think she got enough stimulus to react. And I so hated her 'meri aankhon kaa tara, mere budhape kaa sahaara".

Karan Johar has been the biggest of disappointment - not that I have very high expectations from him, he tried to put in too many agendas in there.

yaar bachche ko nahin maarnaa chahiye thha!!!!

Phew! A tough one this ...

2010-09-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

Humaare mein kehte hain, paidaa karne waale se paalne waala badaa hotaa hai! Ab thheek se samajh aata hai kaise!

My son and I have been playing beemar beemar on special chhuttis - Rakhi par main beemar aur janamashtami par uskee baari!

Seeing the child in pain can be so distressing, I didn't realize. Its so tough because you are required to know the inside out of problems whenever they crop up. Sometimes when he wakes up in the night and I am a little blank, it takes time to get your focus, I feel so helpless. I wish I had an in house guide or a manual which had everything listed. I try to have all medicines in his kit, homeopathy, allopathy, ayurveda,I even try to read up on nature cure - desi nuskhas as they call them, par jab sir par padti hai to bhai saab waat lag jaati hai. The child crying continuously, no amount of calming him down helps, medicines sometimes don't react instantly and you are not in your alert best at all times.

I think what really beats me is my child looking up at me expectantly as if I will do some magic and make the pain go away. Mostly I feel like crying myself because beyond a point I am helpless, but I don't cry I need to be tough and focus. I start chanting prayers and try to create good vibes around, sometimes that too does not work. The situation when prolonged for very long, gets the better of me and I start losing patience. And thats when the moral police starts making me feel guilty about being human, they themselves sit so far away and hide under the garb of 'what else can I do' and I am supposed to be the superwoman. A little bit of compassion towards me might help you know! Not taking my grumpy utterances very seriously, and most definitely not taking them personally, if the moral police could help by sending in positive energy I think we will all benefit.

But I am happy for the blessings I have in my mother, my sister, and Aarshabh's didi, within their limits, they all pitch in, and some friends, who go to the extent of calling up 10 chemists for me so a certain medicine can be obtained. (and quite grudging G even, atleast he tries to reach out to the child and is successful; more often than not!)

Its a tough age to tackle, rightly called 'terrible twos'; where the child has a mind of his own, he is starting to become an individual, and has specific demands and needs. Its so difficult to keep pace sometimes. I feel inadequate as a mother, like I am not doing my best, like I am not a good enough mother because sometimes I lose my patience. And thats not what I wanted to be. I was known to be someone with extreme amount of tolerance and patience ... what have I done to myself?

I want to be the person I was so proud of being always, the person who never ran out of patience!

But the feel good factor is the realization that I am usually a little lost at the onset of illness, (night 1) when it hits in your face, by night 2, I am pretty well sorted. Just like right now, Aarshabh and I have been up since the last three hours, I woke up realizing he was getting very hot, got him crocin while he was still delirious. Gave him some sittopaladi for the cough and haldi waala milk. He was up and about by this time, and once the crocin started impacting he was also sitting and singing apnee toh jaise paise (his favourite number (where jaise taise is jaise paise)" in the wee hours of the morning. Then all of a sudden he vomited all over himself, me and my side of bed. I patiently cleaned him up, woke up Rita, she looked after him while I cleaned the bed, my self and things around (not once grumbling or losing patience). Once relieved from the Vomit, he was more comfortable.

In fact he willingly let Rita didi rock him to sleep while I took a break to write this. Just in time for deep slumber he semi consciously asked for milk, which I gave him. His temperature has gone down ... quite a relief. Now I am at peace and happy. And as I conclude this, I feel two beautiful arms wrapping around my neck and I rock back and forth while we both listen to "dhhoondne se khhushiyon kee raahein nahin miltees, jaagne se mann kee muraadein nahin khilteen!"

Its five in the, morning, a tough day ahead, I have a big workshop planned this Saturday, I was so banking on this chhutti to get alot of work done ...which has not happened, on the contrary I am ever more tired, par chalo ... yeh rang bhee jee ke dekhte hain! The good thing is I managed to wriggle in a request to come in late to school. Ab aagey aagey dekhte hain hotaa hai kya!!!!!

:-)

Mera Aasmaan

2010-08-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

Pankh mile hain abhee abhee kuchch naye naye se,
aatur hoon udh jaane ko udh jaaoon aise,
haath badhaa kar chhoo loon apnaa aasmaan yun,
paana ho jo kuchch bhee ab main jhhat se paa loon.

Baadal aise haath badhakar mujhe bulaate,
kathaa suhaani jaise koi mujhe batate,
panchhi apne pankh pasaare aise aate,
raag - raagini gaate jaise mujhe sunaate.

pankh phailaakar main bhee aise udtee jaaoon,
apne geet banaoon sabke saath mein gaaoon,
haste gaate yuh hee rastaa tey karna hai,
indradhanush se aasmaan mein rang bharnaa hai.

mere aasmaan mein aao tum bhee udh lo,
apne mann se isme thoda rang bhee bhar lo,
duniyaa kee is bheed mein jab bhee kho jaaongee,
apnaa aasman dekh main muskaaongee,

ise banaaya maine apne sapne bunkar,
ise sajaaya raat se tim tim taare chunkar,
iske aanchal mein mai aise so jaaoongee,
udte udte ik din khud ko paa jaaoongee!

Princess Diary

2010-08-25T11:16:00.001-07:00

"Courage is not absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you will be travelling along the road between who you think you are and who you can be, the key is to allow yourself to make that journey"

This is a quote from a movie I watched ages ago, the movie tends to fade away, but this thought tends to linger on .....

Courage - what is courage to most? Physical, mental, emotional or a bit of all I suppose? For me physical courage (as far as my physical being allows me)is something I always strive for, mental courage,I train my mind for, emotional courage ... is effortless.

But I must also add sometimes Physical and mental courage contradict emotional courage, in a way that emotional courage must be accompanied by caution and reason. A friend once told me "I see you don't allow yourself the freedom of making mistakes, mistakes are to help you acquire pearls of wisdom, give your self that right". "I'd love to, I really would, but sometimes life does not dole out those options you know!" I replied, "its like the trapeze act, many people enjoy performing the act as they have a safety net which assures them that - should they fall, they'll be safe. What about someone who has to perform the trapeze and does not have that safety net?" Caution is the only choice left.

I know and with each passing day in my life the realization only gets deeper that the cautious never live at all and that can be quite a suffocating feeling, but when life offers you a choice 'vanilla - vanilla choose' what else do you choose?

Having said that, its the last bit of the quote that inspires me the most today - 'travelling along the road between who you think you are and who you can be, the key is to allow yourself to make that journey'

I am happy to be on that journey atlast! With every little success story, I earn myself the ticket to being courageous without having to be obsessively cautious! I am happy to be living again, the awakening is slow and steady but happening ATLAST!

Thank you so much God! I am happy to have really started my journey called Life!

Amen.

(I might want to add / edit to this later - this comes out spontaneously on a day which has been very eventful and tiring)

Tit Bits

2010-08-16T05:20:00.001-07:00

The Awkward Silence

Sometimes .... Silence speaks volumes, you say a lot just by being silent, no articulation required, no words needed!

Sometimes, Silence is the defining moment between situations that have neither end nor beginning

Sometimes, Silence can be so awkward, when you want to say alot, but you don't want to really! The battle between should I and should I not, when someone strikes a cord with your inner pain and when reliving the pain is ever so painful. Its good to just let the awkward silence take over, because it can provide you with a protective shield, like a blanket and help you look the other way!

***********************************************************************************

Bolte Geet - The songs that talk to me

Aaina mujse meri paheli si surat mange......

Mein bhatakata hi raha dard ke viraane mein
Waqt likhta raha chere pe har pal ka hishab
Meri shorat meri diwangi ki nazar hui
Pi gayi may ki bolte meri geeto ki kitab
Aaj lauta hoon tu hasne ki ada bhool gaya
Yeh sahar bhoola muje mein bhi ishe bhool gaya
Mere apne meri hone ki nishani mange
Aaina mujse meri paheli surat mange.....

Mann re tu kaahe naa dheer dhare ...

utnaa hi upkaar samajh koi
jitnaa saath nibhaa de
janma maran kaa mel hai sapnaa
ye sapnaa bisraa de
koi na sang mare
man re tu kaahe naa dheer dhare
wo nirmohi moh naa jaane, jinkaa moh kare
man re tu kaahe naa dheer dhare ....

Learning - From the eyes of a preschooler

2010-08-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

All children should have the opportunity to experience the best possible start in their education.

This period in life is very important both in its own right but also in preparing children for later learning. From the age of 3 to 5 children grow and learn and develop rapidly. Most children go through the same stages of development, but each child is different in developing their own preferred ways of learning.
Our Endeavour should be to facilitate learning environments where about children learn the best way they can. For such young children, a lot of learning opportunities come through play, through relationships with their parents, through relationships with each other, through making decisions about how they want to learn and what they want to do. It is also about how we can develop and nurture their self esteem and the knowledge of themselves through their learning.
Children’s ideas need to be as important as our planning, so we need to take into account how they want to access the curriculum. As the Reggio approach propounds, it’s a curriculum which is “Child originated and teacher framed”. It’s a curriculum where the environment plays the role of the third teacher. We don’t just refer here to physical environment or setting up of the physical resources but also a safe and healthy environment which provides a child the opportunity to bloom emotionally as well as socially. Therefore all the activities that we plan need to be done in such a way that it may appear spontaneous to the child and he has a choice in making decisions about how to access the environment – that way we are firmly laying the foundation of a strong self esteem for the child.
Play, therefore is a very important tool to make the curriculum accessible to the children. The important thing about play is that it gives the child the time and space to be; without having to be structured. The child then enjoys himself and gradually moves up to doing something specific in which way play can be educational and informative. The child thus may not necessarily realize that he has been given educational input and can also enjoy learning thoroughly. Through play children actually learn a lot more as they are a lot happier. The play that one sees may appear spontaneous but needs very much to be planned and structured, keeping the learning objective in mind. The equipment available for use needs to be there for a learning outcome and we can direct the child towards that outcome by using open and closed probes around the outcome. Each of these learning outcomes needs to be linked to the specific learning goals across the six areas of development.

Nurturing their Emotional Self – Building confidence & Self Esteem

Children in this age group are constantly engaging in & encountering new experiences; they are seeking to understand, in order to extend their skills, develop their confidence and build on what they already know. Play is central to children learning during this stage; it can be both challenging and fun. The role of the adult is crucial in supporting & extending both.
For eg.
During art and painting sessions; children discover all sorts of things within the realm of art and coloring. They discover what colors feet like, what they look like, what happens when you use a brush, what happens when you use your fingers, blocks, vegetables, flowers, leafs, what does color feel like when it is all dried up on your skin. But also, there is a kind of emotional component, how does it make you feel if you bang the paint brush, if you are feeling grumpy and you paint, paint, paint, it can make you feel better. They also learn that we trust them and what they do with that paint is their choice and we trust them to make the right decisions. This can further reinforce that they feel confident enough in themselves to try out the ideas they have & that builds up their self esteem. So when they come to a situation that they are finding difficult, they have trust in themselves that’ I may be able to handle this and I know what I am doing here. ‘Should they need help, they learn to be able to ask for help; because they know we are not going to judge them by that. What we are going to do is, to encourage them to ask for help if they need it & accept that that is the real way to learn, in partnership with us and in partnership with other children.

Skill of negotiation

AT this stage, children are learning to be part of a group, to share and to take turns and they don’t always find it easy. The adults working with them need to help them to understand and put to use the skill of negotiation and how to see things from the point of view of others. We are preparing them for life in a way!

Let them be boisterous

Outdoor play is essential for young children, so a safe environment needs to be provided to them which allows them to be boisterous and loud, and access outdoor play in all weathers.

The Reggio approach recognizes how the children are & how they need to be on the move while they are learning. It recognizes that its really hard for children to sit still, it’s the hardest thing they could do with their bodies; considering children are very physical and mobile at home even. We must acknowledge that the things we struggle with the most are to make them sit still and ask them to ‘not to do this and not to do that’. Children are fairly reasonable and respond to a behavior contract of sorts. You can clearly state what you want done instead of shouting ‘what not to do’. When children are encouraged to be creative about what they are doing and be active in the process themselves, without tying them down to strict and stifling boundaries, children are happier, and happy children learn best.

Parents as partners

Partnership with parents is a crucial part of the REA setting. When parents and teachers work together, the results have a positive impact on the child’s development and learning. This is a crucial time for parents to get involved because it is the beginning of everything in a way, especially of education in a formal setting. It’s therefore that parents feel valued about wanting to participate, and about wanting to develop a partnership through regular interaction and meetings. When parents get involved, there is a special personalized value that gets delivered because they get an opportunity to access the same set of values and concepts both at school and home.

Life nahin hai laddoo

2010-07-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

Life is not about destinations ... its about journeys.
Life is not about achievements ... its about experiences.
Life is not about winning .... its about participating.

He/ She who sees life at 50 same as he saw at 20 has waisted 30 precious years of his/ her life!!!!!

The other day I was sharing with the team of teachers about how documenting developmental progresses of children (which we do in the form of case studies)is so relevant, and the reactions I got ... whats the use, these case studies lie around doing nothing eventually, we have 26 of last years just sitting in our cupboards. Some people also ask (we have initiated Learning centers - a new concept of allowing a child to learn through self exploration and discovery, basically going in sync with child originated curriculum)"do you feel Learning centers solve much purpose considering the child eventually is thrown into the arena of a ruthless and insensitive world, where all we are interested in is RESULTS & MORE RESULTS. Its good to have an orientation of where we are headed but let that not be the defining criteria of existence. In my opinion, children in the age 3 - 6 do not necessarily need concept building and most certainly do not benefit from a sensori-overload of information. What they benefit from is confidence building, building a sound sense of self, which later links to things around self. From that concept, learning centers are a great way of allowing the child to explore and experiment and express him / herself freely without getting tied down by a structure and deadline.

In this so called target oriented world whatever is happening to experiences, journeys, learning on a continuum, doing things for the sake of enjoying and participating. This is a world where mistakes are so frowned upon that a child trembles at the thought of making one. The child then learns to kill his / her real self, putting his / her desires & dreams on a back burner and sometimes throwing them out onto a dump yard and ends up being the obedient jelly fish. How does creativity get breathing space in a set up such as this ... where people are proud of putting irrelevant pressure on their children. I mean, every child is different, and special in his own way, why must all children be alike, running after the same thing even if they don't want to run. I shiver at the thought of sending my son out in a world where he is not welcome for who he is. I'd rather home school him than to send him to an outdated behaviorist school, where people see children as boxes to be filled with information as opposed to helping them discover their inner guiding light.

I have learnt over the years ... and quite the hard way that it doesn't always matter where we are headed if the journey is bringing in some value. I am learning to live in the moment, without always questioning or getting judgmental about why something is happening or why someone is behaving in a particular way or why has life been so unfair etc etc. The whole purpose of existence is defeated if we cease to exist. We tend to get so obsessed with the end that we can't appreciate the means to the end. I mean eventually we will all perish, but how many of us wake up thinking, "whats the point in eating today, eventually we'll die". Its as simple as that, we need start loving life for the sake of it. We need to let people be, while its important we express ourselves, we need to allow other people enough space to be able to express themselves. Most of the times the tendency is to look at situations 'my way' or 'the way it has always been'. May I ask, how then will there ever be scope for newer ideas? I was once asked "If necessity is the father of invention, who is the mother?" I promptly answered "Innovation .... for if and only if a need is nurtured with innovative ideas it takes form of a dynamic invention".

The other thing I find people do alot these days is typecast people into steriotypes or make stupid, ignorant sometimes insensitive generalization. As per the law of perception "The very first stimulus (Initial Datum) results into accommodation and assimilation (the stimulus received by the brain across a varied spectrum of similar / different experiences of the initial datum) and finally we move to generalization which again is not a statement of finality. People usually generalize the initial datum itself. As a girl I have had to face many such stereotypes, first as a child then as a young girl and now all the time as an adult. I mean the whole world seems to know what I should be like and no body really cares what I really AM like. Thanks to this approach, I have never really enjoyed being a girl (I mean I am proud to be a woman but have not enjoyed it very much). I have always had this huge fight with people about looking at me as a person, I remember a conversation I had with a friend long long time ago where I was all seriousness personified and said "Main ladki nahin hoon (i am not a girl)" to which my friend said quite animatedly "Kya baat kar rahee hai ... itne dino mein pataa hee nahin chalaa (what the heck ... how come we didn't come to know in so many days", (One tight slap) and I said "Nahin, mera matlab, main sirf ladkee nahin hoon, main pehel insaan hoo, (I am a person before being a girl) and I like to be treated like a person". I mean why must your individuality get lost in the roles you play? Why can't people respect you for what you stand for?

Is it ok to be selfish?

2010-07-21T18:13:00.001-07:00

"So what is it about being selfish that triggers so much anger in you"? I was asked recently.

I gave that a thought and answered promptly, never mind what I answered. Its what it leaves me with.

Honestly, I have never felt any aversion to people being selfish, so long as they could do it with a sense of responsibility. I believe, while its good to make yourself happy, give yourself importance, but it should never be done at the cost of other people's happiness or at the cost of stripping off other people's sense of dignity or self esteem. Very few people have mastered the art of striking the balance between being good to themselves and at the same time being good to others. I for one have always found it easy being good to others and suffer from this unexplainable guilt when it comes to being good to myself, like if good things must come my way, the only way they must come is through others. I need to just take care of being a good person (to others) and I will be suitably rewarded by others, somehow! You know, on the lines of "Achche logon ke saath hameshaa achchaa hee hota hai". (Good things always happen to good people). Yes, sometimes they do, but the underlining factor is not so much good people, but good deeds. You need to have the intention right, at the core of your action, should be pure compassion and positivity, and with that even if you go ahead and do what the world would otherwise label inappropriate, you will still be suitably rewarded (atleast that is what I'd like to believe now).

This is something I am practicing daily even at work, with my team members even children. I find myself positively reinforcing or atleast not negatively reacting to any behavior which is done with a clean intention. Be it a colleague being rude to me or making an attempt to put me down with aggression in which case I see if their intention is to give their best to the children, great you are welcome! Only I am careful to let them also know my intention, which goes to say, while I do not lose my sense of compassion towards them, I clearly communicate my need to do my own thing as I too have a defined role and responsibilities. Typically we tend to get entangled in the transaction by taking every thing personally and get caught up in "how dare she say THIS to ME".

With the kids, I just enjoy their limitless energy and am particularly fond of the naughty ones, you know the "labeled" variety on whom so ruthlessly and many a times ignorantly comments are passed "woh karnaa hee nahin chahtaa" (He is just not interested). I think you need to listen more carefully, every child has a different story to tell.

I mean, some children may appear more aggressive than others and may assert their needs more clearly even if other children may get sidelined. In such situations, while I give the more assertive child whatever he/she needs (without getting judgmental)but I also negotiate with them about how long they can have that thing as its important they share material with peers. More often than not, all children respond to reason. If we stop assuming the role of God Almighty and start being people, children tend to be more supportive to the common objective of constructive contributions.

I am still learning, practicing, succeeding sometimes and other times going through serious breakdowns, but I like to bounce back and get back to action. Only now I am more protective towards myself, I will not allow people to think its ok to take me for a ride, and I will NEVER take anyone for a ride.

So it is ok to be selfish in a way I guess.

The Tyranny of tough choices

2010-07-09T06:40:00.000-07:00

Hmm .... I am definitely low. This is the second time I allowed myself to make a tough choice at the expense of my son's tears. The first time round I was so miserable that I secretly promised myself "I will NEVER do anything that compromises my baby even for a second EVER AGAIN" and I have lived up to it to a great extent but today it happened again.

In my defense, he has been unwell, I have been up all night giving him comfort without much support (considering the father is away)and many a times lack of rest, let alone lack of sleep, can clog your mind so that you can not think many things through. To add fuel to fire, their was a support staff failure when the driver chose other personal priorities over his duty. Anyway, I managed pretty well with all the fatigue playing on me - considering Aarshabh attended day care, I went to school, I also squeezed in a trip to Delhi to pick up a fresh supply of his homeopathic medicine. And now when we are back home, though my body aches, I am drowsy and my baby is so cranky I still suffer under the helplessness of not getting rid of his cold in a second.

So the tyranny of tough choices: sometimes (actually most of the times)we women must make some choices that leave us guilty either ways. When you choose the child over your professional commitment,you are blatantly suggested by the boss "OH! so husband is away on long term project, why don't you go with him" (ahem, If I am continuing to work, its pretty evident that THAT may not have been an option THICK HEAD). If you are firm about your priorities the boss gives a snide remark around 'She has other priorities" (The other is uttered in a rather suggestively sarcastic tone). When you sometimes give more importance to the job, trying to balance it out the reactions from some supposed to be significant people comes "You don't need to work, your husband is getting good money". (And may these people please answer what I need to do when my husband chooses not to earn good money, or for some tragic reason loses his job???) After you have accepted the job and started going for a month some late reactions come 'wish you had delayed your getting back to work by some more years when the kid is a little older". Friends with older kids validate that it doesn't even end 'later', because by the time later happens its time to deal with kid's academic pressure etc etc.

A friend of mine recently mentioned "Yeh zamir ko kahin chod ke aane kaa". Kash chhod paate. Par koshish jaaree hai.

For now, I am still feeling unhappy about my child having to go through discomfort because of my lack of judgement. His daycare provided solace by (a) suggesting what would be a better thing to do should a situation like this occur next time round and (b) comforting me by taking such great care of my baby while I was away. And my friends with similar struggles have been so kind enough to offer support should this happen again and more importantly gave me a pat on my back for not crumbling under the pressure and managing reasonably well. I also know that while G may not have been able to do much but he at least would have given me an empathetic hearing.

So thank you God for some really wonderful blessings that make this journey called life worthwhile.

Zindagi ... tu kya hai zindagi

2010-06-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

Uljhanon mein lipti hui seedhi see zindagi,
tamannaon ke saagar mein bheegee see zindagi,

jaane maane raaston par bhee bhataktee see zindagi,
kabhi aashaaon ke ujaalon mein chamakti se zindagi,

apno ke door jaane par sisaktee see zindagi,
ret see haathon se phisaltee see zindagi,

bheed mein bhee tanhaiyon mein gum hotee see zindagi,
khushee ko aasuon se bhigotee see zindagi,

bachpan kee masumiyat mein khil uthtee see zindagi,
sanjeedagi ke daaman mein simattee see zindagi,

kabhi indradhanushee rangon se bhari bhari see zindagi,
to kahin naumeed hotee daree daree see zindagi,

yaadon ke moti pirotee see zindagi,
sunder salone sapne sanjotee see zindagi,

Kabhee kabhee lagtaa hai khuda hai zindagee,
Aye zindagi tu hee bataa ke tu kya hai zindagi

The Towel Theory

2010-06-15T00:10:00.000-07:00

Gosh ..... this writers block has really taken its time ... I find myself still struggling.

Like every other dutiful wife, I have spent 8 years managing Mr. My-husband's towel which is mostly found every where except the place it belongs. At first, when we were in a small town where we hardly ever had guests, Mr. My-husband's towel was promptly spread out on the side of a sofa chair .... (my husband's idea of putting it to dry once it was used). When we moved to Delhi, I told him, thats not allowed (in Bhuj I used to patiently follow a daily routine of picking it up from where it was left to dry and put it out in the sun - where it should be left to dry). So G offered to nail in some pegs in the bedroom so he could put it there. My routine then altered to pick it up from the peg and put it out to dry (now vocalizing my desire for him to put it out for himself). England was a blessing in disguise for him ... or so I imagined as he was required to just spread it on the towel stand in the bathroom just above the heating system. There again Mr. My-husband's towel was bundled up on the bed for me to attend to despite my busy schedule.

Guess what? I ran out of patience! So one day (this last week) I decided to give up! And I don't care where Mr. My-husband's towel is ..../ weather it is damp, dry, washed whatever, if it comes in my way ... I just bundle it up and shove it in the laundry basket and G can just keep finding it. I've stopped caring. When G asked me what was going on I told him "For all these years I cared for your things regardless of weather you cared for them or whether you cared for mine or whether you cared to express your appreciation for my care .....but you know what .... I can not care for something you don't care for yourself."

And Bam!!! it dawned on me ... we often go on in life without loving ourselves, without caring for our needs; we grow under the shadow of selflessness, of giving unconditionally, of respecting other people's wishes to the extent of disrespecting ours, we diligently work towards fulfilling other people's dreams and desires without once glancing towards our own. And what happens .... they bundle us up and shove us out of sight .... right into the laundry basket and we are left trying to figure where we went wrong! How funny is that.

Gautam Buddha said "swarthi bano - be selfish" because only one who can truly love oneself can give to or receive love from others. I always found this difficult to comprehend but now I am beginning to understand ..... I think.

And in my journey of self discovery the first step is to love and respect myself and pray that others do too. :-)

Bringing in the birthday

2010-04-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

April 14

So it was my birthday. Like I've said before, I've always liked to make it a special day only this time round I was not sure how to as i had my hands full with work etc.

So people around me did whatever they could to make it special.

My help - I came home tired from work on 13th to find food cooked for afternoon and evening, so no planning required from my side at all!!!! The only thing I did was to sit back and ENJOY!!! And she prepared stuffed bengan ... amongst my favorites though I never make it.

My husband - Came home early from work and took Aashabh to the park so I could just chill.

Aarshabh - Slept peacefully through the night not disturbing our sleep even once .... a thing hard to get for us. He even woke up at a reasonably late hour on 14th i.e. 7.30 am.

Family & friends - Boombarded with blessings, wishes and lots of love.

Mother & Sisiter - A beautiful emerald and diamond ring :-) :-)

The Indian Government - Declared a holiday on my birthday!!!!

What more could a girl ask for!

Desperately fighting the writer's block

2010-03-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

Been missing from action for ages now.

Alot happened. Will account for things as I go, but for now, a little pat on my back for successfully completing phase one of shifting and settling down in our first ever OWN home!!!!

Trust me it happened with alot of drama .... melodrama to be more accurate, stress, anxiety etc. But we are there now!!!!

A very big change in my son's life came in December 2009, we changed his name. Hence forth he will be Aarshabh on this blog too. Aarshabh is one of the names of Lord Krishna and was the creative intervention of my husband. Aarshabh took to his name instantaneously and is happy eversince with the change. We do sometimes call him Aarshu (an elongated AAAAshu)but mostly its AArshabh.

My status as full time mom is soon to change to back to work mom.

I am anxious as hell about it, I need all the blessings I can get.

Most importantly I wanted to get back to blogging ...so here I am.

Congratts! You are half way through...

2009-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

My Dear Darling baby,

Happy sixth month my lovey dovey!!!!

I know you turned six months old on 17th, its a little late reaction on this blog, but you know how mama has been busy with so much work. FIrst it was preparation for your 'Anna Prashan' (the ceremony that earmarks introduction of solids in your diet)and then its YOU as always!!!!!!

Just when I thought things could not get any cuter ie. my baby couldn't get any more endearing, they do ... and they do with a bang! You continue being endlessly entertaining company to me and all the people around you. With a longer attention span, you are picking up new tricks daily and your interaction with people around you is becoming alot more dynamic than before. Watching your little personality unfold is such a pleasurable experience.

Among other things, I am glad you have finally started making full use of your activity center. I remember buying this expensive frame with rattles dangling and a xylophone attached which also sports lights and automatic music. At first the lights and sounds fascinated you but just a couple of days after Christmas (this was you Christmas present) you lost interest. I was so disappointed back then, but not any more. This activity center can engage you for a good half an hour, and whats more, you specially play with the dagling rattles, pushing them again and again till they eventually topple over and you give out a shreik of delight.

You have started communicating with Winie the Pooh in your own hoon hoon language. You also love looking at your first baby book. This is a Cloth book with many colourful pictures and small stuffed toys attached. It also has pages which make rufflng noise which is something you enjoy thoroughly. The sound attracts you alot. Actually one does not need to buy such complicated gadgets, a simple polythene bag has you giggling and chuckling. But I must admit, Mamta didi knows this trick better than I do. For records - Mamta is your full time help, she completely dotes over you and you too really enjoy her company.

Then there is the wrist toy which Vaibhav mama calls my tracking device (how cheap indeed). It certainly keeps you entertained when we go out. Not to forget your rattles, your precious rattles that Neha masi gifted you. The mobiles, the jukeboxes the soft ball that Chhaya bua gifted you and your most favourite toy - Naani and mummy!

You have started communicating more. I continue to be your most favourite companion, and I am the one who gets the most giggles and smiles. Never the less you are willingly making friends with others too.

You have started saying 'Mummu' which is a wholophrasic word for ‘I need’. You say Mummu when you need food, when you need me, when you need to sleep, when you need to be picked up, to be changed etc. Its up to the person you are with to decipher when mummu means what.

Seriously, Child development was a paper I took as part of my PG in Special Education but I never understood it as perfectly as I do now. I think they are very right when they say ‘Child is the father of man’!!!! The way a child teaches – nobody can.

The difficulty however is that now you are becoming more demanding for my time. So I get even lesser time to myself. And I have to keep you engaged in activities all the time. So mummy has been investing alot of quality time buying toys! I have always loved buying toys. I especially enjoy going to Kiddie Land, which is a three storey toy shop stocking practically all the world's range and whats more fun is that when you come to the counter to make payments, the shop lady on her own gives 20% discount. (When there are three toy shops in a row - customer gets to be king!)

You have yet to start sitting independently, but you enjoy being propped up with the help of 'Anaconda Pillow' (this is the name give to my maternity pillow once it got a complete makeover and became Abhyu's pillow - makeover??? Yep! what with all the new baby print covers Naani made). Ususally in the evenings you like being wrapped up in the Ananconda pillow and flip through your book or play bang bang with your rattles. You look very cute - like a little tweety bird in a dough nut!

You have started to pivot your whole body when lying on your stomach in preparation for movement. In fact you creep a little – essentially in reverse gear!! And yes you have started rolling more freely and effortlessly from prone to supine position (basically from front to back) you usually turn from your left side.

Post the Anna Prashan one sees you jutting out your tongue alot. Is it prelude to tething or what? The other peculiar thing is that you like pacifiers for your gums but no ordinary teether can make its way into your mouth you are the ebst and you need the best. So its usually mummy's right hand's index finer which you thoroughly enjoy chewing or mummy's chin. This puts extra responsibility on mummy, coz now she has to invest it good hand sterelizers and keep her chin really clean! And you are Dribbling copiously and drooling incessantly symptoms of getting ready for teething.

This seems like a never ending blog post. But duty calls (read you are up and looking for mummy to pick you up.)

Will update it further, when time permits.

Till then.

Ciao!

Prelude to the sixth month mark

2009-01-09T11:09:00.000-08:00

My Dear Abhyu,

The one word that aptly describes the time that has gone by between December 3rd 2008and Jan 10 2009 for me is PHEW!

I am sorry I have not been able to update this blog for a long time - courtesy the eventfull 37 days.

Well for starters - Papa arrived on Eid vacation on Dec 6th.

Dec 3rd to Dec 6th I sincerely devoted whatever time you normally leave me with in planning on how I shall spend MY HOLIDAY! (Yeah! you know how I nurture this not yet fulfilled desire of handing you over to Papa in the name of Father son bonding and take off to pamper my self to the hilt!)

Dec 6th - Papa came to Delhi. It was funny how you didn't recognize him at first and gave a look to Nani when she arrived in the evening as if to say 'look what mummy has done, she gave me to this person she calls papa!'. We had a hearty laugh - no I was not guilty and Papa was not insecure by your behaviour - we found it very amusing. Infact when papa tried to change your nappy you were so offended on being exposed to a new person like this that you cried with a tone of insult, and I had to hold you for a good twenty minutes close to my heart in order to comfort you. You kept clinging to me like a baby monkey all through that evening.

Dec 7th - You warmed up to Papa, (actually I gave him the trick - the way to a baby's heart is through humour i.e. make him laugh and he is all yours). Papa did everything under the sun to make you laugh, be it peek a boo, tickling you, playing rough and tumble games and seeking the help of Mr. Winnie the Pooh!

Talking about Mr. Pooh, you have started associating sound to face. A couple of days back when I placed Mr. Pooh in front of your face and gave him a voice over you pushed him aside as though you were intimidated by this creature who looked nothing like mummy but was sounding like her. I decided to change my voice makng it husky whenever I brought Winnie to you. You were pleased to meet him then onwards. So Mummy and Winnie sounded different. But when Papa came, he started giving Winnie a very whining voice over more like screaching (trying to do a woman voice) and that got you confused yet again. I mean WInnie the Pooh can't sound so drastically different on different days .... unless he has a soar throat!!! (Papa is now making sure we keep Winnie the Pooh as the Husky voiced Winnie the Pooh).

Dec 8th - You were doing very well with Papa and mummy got some time to herself! Wow! what a great feeling. But I still coudn't leave you alone. I had to be around - so no outing yet :-(.

Dec 9th - Your Badi Dadi (Great Grand ma - Papa's Grand ma) came to spend the day with you. Naturally she was overjoyed to be with her most special child - the way she holds you in her harms and drifts into a world of her own it appears to be as if she was holding her 'Holy book' and readign it.
We squeezed in a routine visit to the Urologist. This had been long pending as you were born with a mild hypospadiasis which needs correction and though its not urgent we wanted to seek advice.
The Shock - At the Dr.'s we learnt about the Inguinal Hernia that was bothering you for some time (remember I mentionen on this blog about your unexplained crying - now I know the cause and I also observed some changes in your body when you cried) Dr. suggested immediate surgery. Both Papa and I were dazed for a moment and requested Dr. to give us time to figure it out and think the whole thing over.

Dec 10 - We spent the rest of the evening and the whole of Today doing research, discusing with your Phua Dadi (Father's aunt) and Bua nani (mom's aunt) both well established Drs. Looked for all the information on the internet.

Dec 11 - Went for a second opinion to the Chairman, Urology, GR Hospital who incidentally is the best Pediatric Surgon in Delhi - courtesy your Phua dadi. He said what the other Dr. had said. The funny thing was that this other Dr. was recomended by your Bua Nani and he is the vice Chairman Urology in the same hospital. SO basically we had the opinion from the best in the business.

The date was fixed - Dec 12, Dr. was fixed - Dr. K (the best in the business) who was also Mentor in Pediatric Surgery to Phua dadi when she was in training.

Dec 12 - The day for us began at 5:00 am (actually yesterday never really ended.)
Naani, Papa, Mummy and you got ready and left for the hospital as you were to be operated upon first thing in the morning.

The operation was succesful. According to Dr. uncle you were at your chirpiest at the OT. No one had the heart to touch you with a needle as you were so communicative and alert. Dr. uncle fondly refers to you even today as 'mera shaitaan bachcha' (my naughty boy). I could see how you had all the nurses wrapped around your little finger.

But you were in pain .... and I was in more pain. You slept a little through the day, cried alot through the day but thanks to Nani's help, we managed to pass the day successfully at the post op day care. You were discharged the very same evening.

Dec 13 - It was a sleepless night (third in a row)for mummy as you were restless. We spent the day looking after you.

Dec 14 - Papa left for work.

Dec 15th - 16th - Totally devoted to your care.

Dec 17th - Happy 5th month beta. Mummy is so preoccupied by looking after you that mummy couldn't write anything.

Dec 18th - 19th - Uneventful

Dec 20th - We went to see the Doc to see how you were recovering and good show! You are doing very well.

Dec 21 - POlio day - Atharva and you went for Polio drops to the booth. Mamu and Mami's wedding anneversary. We all had dinner at Mamu's place. You and Atharva were quite a sight together both completely mersmerised by eachother's ... no not charm but BIBS. Both of you took turns to tug at each others bibs followed by bibs finding their way into your mouths.

Dec 22nd - Uneventful

Dec 23 - Dada dadi came to spend the day with you. You looked very cute in your first pair of jeans and the shoes Aunt Andrea sent for you. Daadu did not put his camera down for even a second. He kept shooting movie after movie of you. He dotes over you!!!

Dec 24th - We planned for Christmas. Neha masi dressed up as Santa and gave gifts to all three of you. You were fixated on her white beard. Yajur bhaiya scrutinised her from head to toe and said "These are my bua's shoes" and poor Santa had to try very hard to prove that it was real Santa.

Dec 25 - Merry Christmas - your first. We spent the day binging on the yummy brownies that Nani prepared.

Dec 26 - Papa was back again! Yippie. This time you recieved him well. Naturally you saw him just a few days back.
Dada dadi left with Chachu and chachi for Bombay to celebrate New Years with your Chachu in Bombay.

Dec 27 - Papa and you spent great time togeather.

Dec 28th - Sunit chachu, chachi and Trisha came over. Your first playdate!!! Even though it was more a playdate for Trisha who was so angry as no body seem to be offering her the most tempting toy of all - you. She was very keen to shove her finger into your eyes. Thank God you drifted into sleep soon and were well out of sight and out of mind.

Dec 29 - 31st - Mummy was dead tired packing up her last lap of household stuff lying in Nani's house. We managed to pack up every bit of our belonging which is not in use and made it ready to move to the warehouse.

31st eve - Much deserved dinner treat. Papa took Neha masi and mamma out to dinner. We were home well in time to bring in the new year with our bundle of joy!!!

Jan 1st - Daadu and daadi came back from their new years vacation at Mumbai at Meeku chcha's. Papa and I went to see them off at the station on 1st evening since, hectic as it may sound they had another journey to make - to Patna. As luck would have it, they missed their train! It was total chaos I tell you, and they were so traumatised by this experience. But the good that came out of it was that they came to visit you (yeah they were leaving without saying goodbye to you - how can that be possible) They loved every second they spent with you. And trust me you were thoroughly enjoying being center of attraction.

Jan 2 - Papa left for work. Gosh it was very tough this time as Papa may not come soon.

Jan 4 - Tharvee's Anna Prashan. The two of you were a sight together! It was delightful to see Tharvee literally jumping into the Havan kund to reach you (as u were opposite to him)! Oh! bless him, he is such a fauji I tell you. He leap towards you and creeped his way through to cover up the distance while you were busy apllauding his acrobatics lying comfortably on your back with your trademark - aaaaarg! Maamu very rightly calls you boys 'The Monkey Brothers'.

Jan 5 - Jan 9 - Baby, mummy is vey tired writing this account and has competely forgotten what kept her on het toes these 4 days.

Basically mummy's life revolves around her baby!

love you.

Goodmorning Abhyu

2008-12-03T18:02:00.000-08:00

Me " When he wakes up by 5:00 am then I can't get back to sleep again!"
Mummy "Then maybe you should make good use of the time in hand and get up, do some yoga, exercise ... whatever!!!!"

Dear Abhyu,

Thats your Nani, always the perfectionist, always in action. She usually has all the solutions ... (atleast now a days) to my problems. Trust me - there is no such thing as mother and I am not saying this because I am yours, but because Nani is mine.

My experience in life tells me that all other relationships are essentially give and take but your mother is the ONLY true companion you have. I am grateful to her for being there for me and taking a stand for me when all of my other 'seemingly more important' relations let me down. She is strength personified! Your Nani has always been the fighter, the one who doesnot let circumstances break her down infact she emerges a winner. May God bless her. May you and I make her proud in our own little ways ... always.

Anyway enough preeching! As suggested by Nani, I am utilising my time fruitfully since I woke up early - by writing this blog. So lets continue.

Dec 2nd was mummy papa's 7th anneversary and as usual mummy papa celebrated it separately. Honestly, I don't remember when and how we celebrated our day with a bang last. Maybe my memory is not at its best now a days, perhaps papa will help me remember. But this was a special anneversary because atleast I had you with me. You made it further special by your achievements.

You held on to your rattle for a good half hour (for the first time) from Dec 2nd. It was so much fun to watch you go bang! bang! on your thigh with the rattle and that confused look on your face was so cute, when at first, you couldn't figure where all the sound was coming from. We have all started playing this new game with you ever since. We make you grasp your rattle and you bang it three four times and drop it. We place it again and you drop it again. We place it in both your hands turn by turn. My over enthu reading tells me that you may be tending towards being a left hander like papa and Neha masi. You seem to hold on to the rattle better and longer with your left hand.

The other thing you have started doing off late is this strange aaaaaarrrrrrrrrgg sound - as though you were trying to roar! The funny thing is you usually do it at times when you are not in a cranky mood. Basically its your way of ordering around 'somebody better pick me up or I'll go on creating noise polution.' And more often than not, this roaring, if left unattended, leads to anger which manifests itself in your scrantrum (scrantrum is when you are trying to scream, cry and throw a tantrum at the same time).

You are cooing more these days and indulging in long conversations with nani, Masi and me.

You are acknowledging Dadu's voice more with your keen gaze and attentive expression whenever we call him and put the phone on speaker. You even listened to bua very attentively when she called. With Papa, you have started contributing in the telecon. You usually bless with him a 'hooo', while he speaks to you.

Talking about Masi, she is going crazy at the moment preparing for her semester exam. She is mumbling something about Karl Marx and Labour and in the process has transcended from vertical to horizontal position (basically conked off)!

Nani as usual is preparing to start her Havan at this time of the day.

You are sleeping.

After this I shall sit by your side and watch you sleep, and maybe set up the burner with some pepermint oil should that nasty nasal congestion bother you.

Love you,

Ma!

Intelligent baby makes dull mother ....

2008-11-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

Intelligent baby makes dull mother ....or so I figure out each passing day. Naturally with baby sleeping less because baby chooses to explore his new world, mummy must sleep less because baby chooses to be in her company. Baby dozes off at some greatly opportue moments when mummy is busy going over other very important tasks like sterlizing bottle, getting orange juice ready, putting baby's clothes in his dresser etc. As mummy turns to catch a breath of fresh air - baby is ready for his next Entertainment ka dose and mummy must oblige. Then baby most definately drifts into deep sleep when in mummy's arms and opens his eyes wide and bright just as he is placed on his bed - with that 'game not over babes' look. An otherwise battered mummy, tired with all the lack of sleep, and sensori overload of baby care advice from nani, picks up baby and starts all over again. By then baby has had enough - oxygen time!!!! And so he starts crying so loud it can tear mummy's eardrum. Hush! Hush! Mummy's efforts double up and she is at it again.

Phew! Seriously - parenting is the most humbling experience - you do your best and you shall never know how you've done! Wait a minute - a sense of Deja vu this is - yeah I know - its like doing Economics honors from Delhi University and alot more. And you will forget what 'spending quality time on my self' is all about.

Seriously, when I ask myself 'when was the last time I washed my hair .... ummmmmmmm ???? When was the last time I combed my hair ..... ummmmmmmmmmmm ???' Motherhood leaves me not only with no time for anything that is not Abhyuday but it has greatly damaged my otherwise very sharp short term memory.

The most nerve wrecking question these days is 'When did you feed him last' I usually find myself graplling with the answer and most of the times nervously blurt out "Just a while ago". When I had started out, because I have known friends suffering from similar trauma; I started keeping a log of ABhyu's feeding time and quantity which Abhyu's Dadi used to call 'tumhaaree maa ka baikhataa' (Your mother's account book). Trust me - those were the blessed days when I had every problem figured out because I had it all written down - they don't say it just for kicks - writing makes an exact man!!!! Maybe its time I start the baikhaata again, my mother always said this right from school days to now 'Please write things down, don't always be so optimistic about your memory'.

I was offered to go watch a movie yesterday - my aunt so very kindly offered to Babysit! But I declined. Why?

Thats the other thing I must mention. If by this blog entry I have lead people to believe that parenting is all work and no play - well let me give you another perspective.

All the hard work, all the sleepless nights, the stressed out days, the lack of any social activity in your life, the inabilty to even call a friend to casually chat, none of this matters when you have baby in your arms and he smiles up at you. When you gaze into those beautiful wide eyes so full of love, eager to know the world more and more with every passing day. WHen baby clings to the neckline of your shirt while he drifts into sleep or tightens his grip to feel that sense of security he derives from his mother... NOTHING else matters. The world becomes the most beautiful place just by the presence of this bundle of joy.

There are days I am scared, there are days I am worried, there are days when I am anxious, and there are days when I am stressed but all these days end in happiness because I have with me my blessing from GOd. A nice cuddle from baby and mummy is all set to rock!!!!

Pangs of Motherhood

2008-11-19T15:52:00.000-08:00

My Dear Abhyu,

The past two days have been very difficult for us both.

The last two evenings, you have been crying so hard that it is still hurting me.

I checked everything -
'Was it gas? Colimex given, apllied Heeng paste, lifted you in my patent (what I call the Axe lift) to help u release gas, held you so close to my chest (since that usually gives you comfort).

But no the crying did not stop.

Checked for wet nappy / discomfort

Checked for hunger

Nothing - but the crying went on.

Tried to make you sleep, you resisted all the way.

Tried change of place, didn't work. Change of hands - MOST CERTAINLY did not work

My final strategy - Called Papa, surprisingly even talking to Papa did not do the trick.

Tried all the gizmos and gadgets - your musical mobile, your jukebox, your favourite rattle, your favourite bell nothing seemed to work.

Tried every distraction in the book - clapping to your face, showing you the little birdie outside, the blue sky, the white doggie, the big car! No success!!

After enduring the pain for a good fifteen minutes you finally started drifting in slumber while I was gently rocking you for comfort. You slept, but even in your sleep you were in great discomfort.

And all this while I was watching you, with unexplainable pain, helplessness and tears in my eyes.

I thought motherhood was fun, but it hurts sometimes.

My baby, every tear you shed, every streak of discomfort that comes on your face gives me hundred times more pain. I keep praying to God to protect you from any pain and discomfort - may all your pains be mine.

On a positive note, we will go to the Doc the first thing today. (I decided last night and in my anxiety to go to the Doc I am up and about at 4:00 am!!!!)

We'll check for the problem - I suspect teething trouble, it could even be an ear ache, who knows.

Besides our visit to the Doc is due since you turned four months old. We might need fresh dietary advice!

I love you baby. I want every single bit of your pain to be mine.

You focus totally on benig the happy child that you are.

Love you loads,

Ma

Mera Dehaati Puttar!!!!!

2008-11-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

In the first semester of my PG in Special Educational Needs at School of Rehabilitation sciences, we studied child development (from 0-5 years) extensively. Then during our practicals and internships we put our understanding of normal child development to use all the time.

Object Permanence is a significant milestone in a child's development and to reach that / check the presence or absence of it we have several activities. Peekaboo being an important one.

Like a dedicated mother, I tried playing Peekaboo with my son for the first time last week. So I started with all earnestness -
I hid my face with my hands and then said 'Peekaboo' and removed my hands from my face.

(typically desired outcome is that child starts smiling)
Abhyu was blank!!! (As if asking me - whats going on???)

I thought I might have done it wrong so I repeated the same thing with more enthusiasm - 'Peekaboo'
ABhyu was blank again.

(I am not the kind to give up or give in)

I repeated the exercise again only this time in the typical dehatee fashion I said
'Chaaaaaaaa'
And Bingo! My Son sported the most dazzling toothless grin ever!

I repeated again 'Chaaaaaa'

ANd he started giggling this time.

So now we have it figured out!

(Basically My son is totally made of Des ki mitti!!!!!!)

Dear Abhyu

2008-11-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

My Dear Abhyu,

Welcome to my blog!

This is my first ever entry about you, quite contrary to my original plans where I wanted to keep an account of every single day of your life. Its taken me four months to get organized and squeeze out time from my otherwise really busy schedule courtesy – YOU my Son!

Happy fourth month birthday my baby!

This is the time when you have started getting to grips with your world. You are beginning to discover your body (hands at the moment). I saw you transition from studying your hands (as if trying to figure out what they are meant for) to finally putting them to their best use – in your mouth. Its funny how you accommodate both your hands right into your mouth and struggle to fit them in. When it’s a choice between your bottle and your hand – its always the latter that you most definitely prefer.

You have started to closely observe everything in your environment minutely, you don’t demonstrate that squint as often as u used to while paying attention to detail in a shiney object. You have started using your mouth as an aid to exploration – whatever fits into it – most definitely goes in. Sometimes you make indefinite attempts to chew or suck objects that are far too large for your mouth.

You have started becoming more sociable, you smile freely at one and all, bestowing your dazzling look on anyone who is nice to you. You have started gurgling and giggling with pleasure particularly during the midnight hour when the entire house is fast asleep and mummy is the only devoted audience you have!

You are communicating more freely now. You understand more and more everyday, your vocabularies of sound and facial expressions are increasing. I often find you babbling to your self when you are fed and in the mood to play. At such times you are particularly chatty with me and are the best company I could ever ask for. We have been having some exceptional happy conversations even though they are without any real words!

You are able to identify sounds very well, separating one from the other. You know when its your musical jukebox playing and when its your mom’s bhajan tapes. You can tell Daadu (Grand Pa) from Daadi (Grand ma) and Nani (Grand ma – maternal) from Masi (Aunt). Above all, what I am really proud of is how you respond to Papa. Despite the fact that papa is so far away, working hard, as a result of which he gets little opportunity to be with you but we talk to him daily. Its so interesting to watch how just by the vibes in papa’s voice you are able to calm yourself down even after a phase of uncontrollable crying.

I am so proud of you my son!

Now lets account for your achievements in the past four months :-

You are able to lift your head up 90 degrees when lying on your stomach.
You are able to laugh out loud.
You are able to hold your head steady when held upright
You pay attention to an object for some time
You squeal in delight
You turn in the direction of voice
You can Say Ah oH (like you are calling some one in Hindi)
You successfully bring both hands together to midline
You smile spontaneously
You tend to follow an object moving from one side to another up to 180 degrees
And just yesterday (on 16th November) you took your first partial turn (from side to back and vice versa).

Keep going my boy! May you achieve all significant milestones in life and have all the world’s happiness.

I will try and record your development more often – I promise.

Love,

Ma.

Breaking the Silence ....

2008-11-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

Its been so long since I visited (let alone updating) my blog. Well I have my reasons - partly good, partly bad .... partly ugly ... maybe!!!! Then I came across this Poem which is so inspiring that I found no better way of

Breaking the silence!!!!
(Rudyard Kipling must've written this for his son - I am dedicating it to mine).

To our Son Abhyuday,

Lots of love

Mummy and Papa

IF - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!

(God willing, I shall get back to writing again ..... SOON!)

The other side of the coin

2008-03-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

“Did you say that SHE hit HIM?” I was asked.

It was a tiring afternoon after the Behaviour Management Training I attended. Just when I was about to leave, the person facilitating the workshop asked to speak with me for a minute. Not knowing what was coming, I just went along.

As it turned out, a colleague had gone up to him and said “Surabhi said that I hit HIM (HIM- a student with special needs who we care for).

“Though I didn’t hear it for myself, but did you say that SHE hit HIM?” I was asked. I was a little taken aback.

During the course of the day, in our training, we had come to a point where we were discussing post incident reactions (our kids tend to get violent when they can’t handle anxiety and more often than not we are at the receiving end of the violence). We had completed the bit where we discussed how we as individuals feel and react and were at how the kids react. Some of our kids have a specific condition – Aspergers Syndrome that is part of the Autism Spectrum, only these kids are a lot more verbal. SHE (this colleague of mine, I am calling her SHE purely because I can’t think of a name to change her real name with) had mentioned in the earlier section about how this particular child (referred to as HIM for the same reason) had punched her and gotten away with it. The point I was trying to make with that example was- this child was not oblivious to the fact that how he reacted was inappropriate. In fact, after punching HER when he was asked why he did it he said “But she hit me first”. And then I added my own example – ‘Just yesterday another child threw a ball at me, as he came to get it again I reached forward faster and took it away. In the process however, my nail scratched his finger and he was so angry that he punched me in my back. And when I asked him why he did that he too said, “but you hurt me first”. Eventually we both agreed to apologize to each other and the matter was resolved.’ But like I mentioned earlier, the point I was driving home was that these kids do see that their actions aren’t appropriate and so they try to justify it.

This is what happened, which to my understanding, was later misconstrued and wrongly presented as ‘I said that SHE hit HIM’.

Well, I wasn’t really offended, only a little put off at the lack of understanding and the alacrity with which my colleague had reached her conclusion. In another vain, I felt sad that this colleague had felt distressed because of me on the eve of an important festival.

My sensibilities directed me to try and channelize this in a positive direction so after clarifying to the person (The Training Facilitator and Base Coordinator) who approached me, I offered to apologize to HER if I offended HER in any way. I was told that was a good idea so I left for home from where I decided to call her since she had already left for the day.

The journey back home was not the most pleasant one. All kinds of negative emotions kept coming to me about how people could be so shallow, how could they not make sense of simple information? How could people not see a statement for its CONTENT, FORM and CONTEXT when it’s so very simple? The other and the more dangerous line of thought was …. Is it HER way of bullying me, by shooting down my contribution indirectly; is it intolerance of me because I am from another country? Why didn’t SHE come to me if there was something I said that offended her? Why did she have to make it official? Isn’t teamwork about supporting each other? We can all make mistakes and if we start pointing fingers at each other the larger objective of working as a team gets completely defeated. The least she could have done was to first clarify with me – you know people are allowed to be wrong in their opinions but they better be right in their facts.

It was a very stressful bus ride home. But while on the one side these negative emotions were raising their ugly head, on the other side with equal force were my values tugging at my sensibility. I come from a culture, which has survived for 5000 years on the concept of non-violence. The virtue of non-violence has been deeply embedded in me right from childhood and it has only been strengthened through the recent years.
‘Bura mat dekho, bura mat socho, bura mat kaho’(See no evil, think no evil, speak no evil) ie. Non-violence in thoughts, words and action. And what I was experiencing in the form of negative emotions was, I felt, essentially, violence of thoughts. I immediately checked myself and decided to talk to HER in a proactive rather than a reactive way.

“Hello” She answered her phone
“Hi!” I said, “Is it a good time to talk?”
“Yeah sure” She said.
“Through the day today, is there something I said that offended you?”
“You said that I hit HIM”
“Correct me if I am wrong, this was while we were discussing the kid’s reaction to an incident and I took forward from your example of HIM punching you, where I said that kids try to justify their actions. Also if you remember when HE punched you that day I was the one by your side and I was the one who stood up to try and distract him and he publicly said that he punched you because you hit him first?”

“He said that I SCRATCHED him,” she said (oh! So all this big issue because I said hit instead of scratch) “and you - in front of the entire staff said that I hit him making me look like someone who hits students.”

“I see my mistake, I could have been more careful in use of the right word but I’m sure you do understand that the entire staff including you and me are part of this excellent team which is doing a very tough job, and in my opinion everybody in our team knows about each other’s contribution and so will not make a judgement like this. Besides, I would like to believe that people who heard me did so in totality, understanding the context in which the example was shared where you were most certainly not the focal point. In fact, the focus was on the idea that kids, while being aware that they have done something wrong, tend to justify their actions.” I tried to reason; only now my tone of voice was very soft and calm because I was trying to convey to HER that I was actually on her side.

Her tone became calm as well- “Actually I have twice been in trouble in the mainstream school, because someone casually said something like this and I had to answer to two head teachers.”
Listening to her, I realized that SHE had acted in my case more out of self-preservation.

“Tell me, why didn’t you check me right there while we were discussing, or later, I would have apologized and corrected myself in front of the staff.” I asked her.

“Actually, after a while I tend to lose track of what is being said at trainings like this because I’ve been here over 20 years. Been there, done that, you know, so it took me a while to process that what you said compromised me in front of the others”, She offered.

I was feeling so much better already. We were now communicating freely with each other. I said, “You know, for that very reason, I look up to you a lot: your extensive experience in handling the kids, interacting with the mainstream teachers. The fact that you know your way around the system makes you very special. I felt awful about being the cause of discomfort for you. But I also wondered why you didn’t come to me; as I had hoped that because I have always shown you respect you could have been able to see that my actions may have stemmed out of my naiveté but certainly not out of a malicious intent.”

She replied: “It was important I clarified my stand with the Training Facilitator because he is also our Base coordinator. What I did had more to do with my clarifying my stand with him than to point out your mistake. I was not the least bit offended by you; only I did not want him to get the message that I hit the child. I felt that speaking to you would not have served any purpose because essentially I wanted him to know.”

“O.K. I get your point, basically you were just clarifying your case with the Base Coordinator and I can see that it was important that you did. It was more to do with your own need to not be misunderstood, than to do with me?” I paraphrased her statement. “It was not like I offended you and you were complaining about it?” I confirmed. “So we are good then?” I asked.

“Indeed.”
I smiled: “Well then you have a good weekend and a happy Easter and I’ll see you on Tuesday. Only to add before I hang up, even at the end of this little transaction you have taught me something really important: Just like you, other people can have their own vulnerabilities, and when I say something I must be sure to use the right words. So thanks for that.”

“You are welcome, and just so you know even with the best of intentions it is very difficult to say the right thing at all times, so even the most experienced of people sometimes say the wrong thing” She replied in a tone that told me she was smiling at the other end.

“True, so true” I said. And we hung up.

This long account has been written with a definite purpose. As the title suggests, sometimes looking at the same thing from the other angle can make all the difference. We have a tendency of assuming the role of the victim each time we are in a transaction essentially operating from either “I’m not ok you are ok” or “I am ok you are not ok”, as a result of which reactions happen one after another. Whereas all it takes is to take command, walk that extra mile, dig that extra bit and we find that life is just as it should be – beautiful, full of possibilities and optimism and following the golden principal of existence “I’m ok you are ok”. In essence, human beings are good, after all. As Socrates said, no one does wrong willingly. If a human being were aware of all the negative consequences of one’s actions, s/he would not do it.

Honestly, this incident brought me a lot closer to HER. She may continue to have a certain opinion of me (assuming if she has one) but my outlook towards her has changed a bit. I always saw her as someone who is overtly pessimistic, who usually offers very negative approaches while handling situations and cannot appreciate when someone else is trying to be refreshingly positive. Today I got a chance to get somewhat under that exterior. She may be vulnerable, cynical and usually chooses to look at the darkness of the night rather than the little twinkling stars. However the real thing is that she is someone who has seen a lot of life, and with a lot of life comes a lot of exposure, a lot of bitterness, a lot of resentment, a lot of negativity – perhaps. In the end, negativity and Cynicism are by-products of pain caused by someone else’s irrational behaviour, or someone else’s jealousy, greed, aggression, or sheer carelessness. When it’s ok to ache, when it’s ok to have gone through pain, it should be ok dealing with the traces of the pain, right? It’s a matter of altering the way you look and your entire outlook seems to get altered!!!!

There is no such thing as good or bad individuals only good or bad circumstances!

Scholastics II

2007-12-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

Mrs. K T
Lesson 3
Topic: (Year 12) – Standard Deviation
Objective of lesson: Continuation from previous lesson.The lesson was a continuation from the previous lesson and the students solved some questions, first with Mrs. T, and later on their own.

The most interesting part about Mrs. T is her approachability with the students. In my observation of her lesson as well as her interaction with her class during the register, I could see her making use of a lot of non-verbal cues to interact with the group and she made an impact. What follows are some examples of the strategies she used-
1. Signal Interference: A student sitting in the front row corner seat, (this student I later enquired about and came to know, has changed two schools prior to this one) entered the class late, and was not properly dressed and Mrs. T asked him to fix up his uniform. He ignored her at first and Mrs. T repeated herself stating exactly what she wanted done, he ignored yet again, after which Mrs. T continued to address the entire class, fixing a firm glance at the boy till he obeyed. Her Non-verbal communication was powerful enough to make that difference.
2. Choosing a win-win approach: During her lesson she wanted to indicate an important point so she said “In your note books write NB as this is an important note” The students started saying “Why NB?” to which she started to explain “Well NB, to indicate it is important!” The argument started going off track because the students got fixated to the NB, asking “What does B stand for?” at which she immediately checked the students and, erasing the NB from the board, said, “Alright, basically, you need to say ‘Note’, or ‘Important’, or use Colour Code, or anything that drives your attention to this bit of information”.

This may appear to be common sense but I feel it important to acknowledge it, we are in an age where we need to harness a young mind’s ability to apply his/her brain, and not be dictatorial about even something as basic as a phrase. Its important we use their language, which I saw Mrs. T using a lot.
3. Proximity Control: During the lesson, a student was rocking his chair and Mrs. T asked him to stop, he didn’t at first, she asked again which he continued to ignore, she casually moved closer to him and just looked at him with a firm glance and he stopped to which she said ‘Thank you’.

Over all, what Mrs. T demonstrated was her effortless ability to use body language, voice modulation, facial expressions and gestures and above all a warm encouraging smile, which made her effective, which was a great learning experience for me.

Mr. T R
Lesson 5
Topic: (Year 8) – Algebra – Putting like terms together
Objective of lesson: Be able to collect like terms
Start to multiply out brackets

Mr. R’s was the last class before the mid-term break, so he was conscious to the fact that children may have limited attention span. What I saw was his ability to set realistic targets for his lesson. He started the lesson by putting up some equations and demonstrated how the equation needed to be solved. Some students got it earlier, and he acknowledged them, by giving verbal reinforcement like ‘Well done’, but at the same time he continued to motivate the students who didn’t get it at first by statements like ‘Its ok, you’ll get it, give it a try’. There were some who couldn’t understand despite his slowing down the pace, so he reached out for two coloured cubes from his resource cupboard and gave the students a concrete experience.

He gave 4 green cubes (attached) and 7 red cubes to a student sitting in front and similarly 8 green and 3 red to the student sitting next. Between the two students he held an equation sign and said ‘there is your equation: 4 + 7 = 8 + 3. Now I want you to have all the greens on one side and red on the other side. Lets put the reds to left of the equation and green to right. For you to take away 3 reds from right you will need to do the same on the left as well (and he made the student holding the 7 red cube take away three as the child holding 3 red put his down) similarly to remove 4 green from left you must take away four green from right (and he made the student holding the 8 green cubes take away 4 as the child holding 4 green put his down) and there you have 4 red on one side and 4 green on the other.’

Students understood this a lot better than what they were doing earlier. For me this was an exceptional demonstration of what I have learnt as ‘remedial teaching’. The simple law of child development states, children learn from Gross to fine ie. Concrete to abstract. But since at Year 8 we expect the students to understand concepts in abstract form, we don’t start with an elementary concrete approach; but if we find students grappling with concepts, we step backwards till those students are with the rest of the class.

He later moved to more complex equations using addition as well as subtraction. On being asked ‘How does it help us in our day to day life?’ Mr. R explained ‘Suppose you are a Hotelier and you want to know at a given time how many adults and children came to the hotel as well as how many adults and children left the hotel, this kind of thinking will help you.’

In Mr. R’s class I got an opportunity to observe a demonstration of presenting a concept in a structured way where he incorporated ways of explaining by way of abstract, semi concrete as well as concrete experience, and giving examples to generalize the concept.

Conclusion

From the point of view of the students and their learning, I saw several examples of the different learning styles be it Auditory, Kinaesthetic, Visual or Reading and Writing, and they were aided by all the teachers, who kept in mind the diverse needs of their group. I am happy I was part of the M A School for a day when I got to see outstanding professional skills on display.

Scholastics I

2007-12-03T11:42:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time (read two months ago) I was jobless. Well not exactly jobless considering I was doing part time work in a school, but not the kind I am trained for or capable of. In my quest to find a suitable job, I was volunteering left right and centre to schools to see if I could break through. I volunteered for a Nursery, a Primary school as well as a Secondary school. All the experiences were very enriching but the last (A day at MA school) was the one closest to my calibre and interest. Thus the need to write about it.
I would like to thank M A School for providing me with this opportunity of exposure to Mainstream Teaching in a Secondary School in the U.K. It was a remarkable experience. All the staff members I interacted with readily shared information with me. What I learnt in the classes is a valuable contribution towards my personal development as a human being as well as an Educational Professional.

I Physical

I.1 General AppearanceThe School building is an environment friendly complex, with a lot of greenery around, a huge Playground, big open spaces and naturally well lit classrooms, fit to accommodate about 25-35 students. It is located on a site that is far from the din and bustle of the city, and yet is well connected, with a bus stop just outside the school. The School, as the visitor’s handbook tells me, is divided into four blocks, along with a Sixth Form Centre, a Science Block, Sports Hall and a good canteen.

I.2 Class Room:
I went to three different classrooms for lesson observations. My understanding of the system is that each year has a classroom assigned where the students come for the morning register but then through the day they go from one room to the other. I believe there are exclusive classrooms set-aside for each subject, as the three rooms I visited had display material pertaining only to Mathematics.

I.3 Class Room Organization:
Each classroom has an Interactive Communication Board along with a white board. Lessons are usually prepared on a Laptop and projected on the ICT board, with the white board being used for further practice. There are some extra books available, which maybe used by students in case they forget to bring their own. I found, however, that the teachers encourage children to always bring their own books.

The most exceptional feature in the classrooms is the Soft Boards. A lot of display material is up on the soft board to reinforce at a glance various concepts learnt. I am so far used to seeing a number line in primary classes alone and seeing one in a secondary class was very interesting since it is useful to explain many concepts e.g. in algebra. This aspect of the class room is special for me because in my country somehow the practice of using display material tends to phase out as children get older, the only display in senior schools usually being either the time table, maps or something really extraordinary/unusual. However it was interesting to see that all classes I went in to observe Math lessons had adequate display material to support learning.

II Socio – Emotional : General Atmosphere
The moment I entered Ms. K T’s class where she was about to start the day with the morning register, I sensed among the children a very comfortable, informal yet respectful approach towards the teacher. Students had brought in some of their friends in the class and as they talked to each other, they appeared very much at ease despite having the teacher around. At the sound of the warning bell, however, the children started taking their seats and within five minutes the room was a ‘typical classroom’.

III. Teacher’s Attitude
I found the teachers’ attitude to be firm yet approachable. In order to maintain decorum, they put up a stern front; however one is consciously present to their sensitivity towards the children.

Motivation

“Mistakes are a natural part of growing up. They are to be expected and made light of. But children bloom like flowers under praise. They want so much to be noticed and appreciated, to excel and have their excellence noticed.” -Earl Nightingale
A standard virtue that I saw in all the four lessons I observed that teachers approach children with a lot of concern and a sense of relatedness. The School is particular about inculcating values of group learning among the children. Children who have difficulty in grasping concepts are dealt with sensitively- the teachers are willing to work with these children in whatever way possible for them.

III Behavioural

“Teaching is more than imparting knowledge, it is inspiring change. Learning is more than absorbing facts, it is acquiring understanding.” - William Arthur Ward
The National Curriculum lays a great emphasis on Child centred approach, thus giving the child huge power. This may lead to behavioural issues as often seen in many settings. Consequently, a need emerges to adopt special behaviour strategies, understanding and acknowledging the effects of group dynamics. I got opportunities to observe strategies merged into the lessons, which were used to Empower and not exercise power. To name a few:
1. Use of positive and direct phrasing; present continuous (Sitting quietly please); repetition.
2. Always checking for understanding
3. Giving a lot of positive reinforcement by way of praise and motivation
4. Dealing with the behaviour and not the person
5. Using a lot of Non verbal language to make an impact
6. De-fusing power challenges by offering choice and refocusing on desired outcome
7. Setting limits and using sanctions wisely
8. Most importantly being an empathetic listener and a sensitive facilitator.

Detailed Lesson Observation
Dr. P. H.Lesson 1
Topic: (Year 9) – Rounding – Upper and lower bound
Objective of lesson: To be able to find the upper bound and lower bound of measurements.The first 15 minutes were used for finishing the previous day’s test.
The concept was explained effectively and sufficient practice was carried out on the board, while making sure that all children were involved.
The most interesting part was the last 15 minutes calculation game with an electronic timer.
Lesson 2
Topic: (Year 10) – Completing the square
Objective of lesson: To be able to complete the square for a quadratic and use it to solve equations or find the smallest / largest value of the quadratic equation.
The most exceptional part of this lesson was Dr. H’s ability to correlate mathematics to day-to-day life. In most schools in India learning by rote is still used mostly, and children learn concepts and accept them in their abstract form. After observing this lesson, I recognized that since Mathematics is essentially an abstract subject, it is all the more imperative that it be applicable to our daily life.

One student asked Dr. H what was the need for understanding this concept. Dr. H replied ‘You see Wimbledon or Cricket, and you see cameras installed at various positions: those cameras are installed on the basis of a calculation- should a ball come towards a particular direction, what would be the minimum and maximum points it could reach, and the camera is installed at a point from where it can capture both the minimum as well as the maximum.

Behaviour management:
I got an opportunity of observing the following strategies at work:
1. Establishing a Cause and Effect relationship: At a point in the lesson, there were a couple of students who continued talking among themselves despite repeatedly being asked to stop. After a while Dr. H addressed them saying ‘If you people continue talking, the pace of the lesson will slow down and we might not get the last 15 minutes to play games.’ That created an impact and the children became attentive again.
2. Planned ignoring: A student in the last row corner seat was constantly distracting the class and even after several warnings he would not stop, Dr. H ignored him a couple of times giving him an opportunity to check himself, but when the student continued he was reprimanded politely but firmly by Dr. H.
3. Addressing the wrong behaviour: The same student in the last row asked a question in an inappropriate manner, out of turn, to which Dr. H reacted firmly saying “That’s a good question, but asked in the wrong way”.

Mathematics is a subject, which most people are scared of, and the biggest achievement for any Math teacher is to be able to package the subject with a fun element. Dr. H’s class was a perfect demonstration of that and therefore very inspiring for me. Students in the secondary age group are quite fixated to technology, gadgets and gizmos, using them and playing games like ‘Fast Track’ and ‘Mission to Mars’ was a delight to watch, and one could see how it motivated the students to participate. This was a wonderfully innovative use of the ‘video game paradigm’ in the classroom, getting the children to learn through something they closely identify with.

This is my act ... whats yours?

2007-09-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

'Life is not a Mid Summer Night's Dream,
Nor is it a Tempest,
It is but A Comedy of Errors,
To spend As You Like It'

As far as I am concerned .... Life is quite like the Circus.

There are many acts happening one after another ...

People come ... put up their act ... and leave

The Ring Master shows off his power by Commanding the Lions,
Another makes the Bear do wierd gymnastics.

Then there is the Balancing Act ... where someone balances obscene number of objects one on top of the other!

There is the Joker, the Juggler, the Plate Spinner, The Hula Hoopers and several other out of the ordinary performances.

My favourite however has always been the Trapeze act!

There are people up there holding the trapeze bars swinging into the air taking summersaults and grabbing the trapeze bars yet again and swinging to the other corner.

They are the people who test their limits over and over again .... pushing their boundaries, challenging themselves ... excelling themselves every time. And they do it so effortlessly .... well so it seems.

But look carefully, what gets them going ..... That Net down there which stays there and watches over them. The Trapeze artist knows he is there to do acrobatics, risky ones, but should he fall .... something will be there to hold him.

So is the case with me.

I am out here to be an achiever ... an achiever who excels herself and pushes her boundaries to go on doing better than before.

I don't want You (You here and herafter refers to all those genuine well wishers who want to protect me) to do my act for me. I can do it just fine.

I don't want You to become oblivious of me for then I might just die.

I want You out there .... watching over me from a distance ... knowing that should I ever fall it is You whose arms I will fall in.

But I have not set out to Fall, I will fly ... spreading my wings .... fly as high as I can .... touch the sky and come right back.

And with my achievements I will smile down at You and with gratitude say .... 'Thanks for making it easy for me .... Thanks for just being there'!

Like they say ...

Don't walk in front of me,
I may not follow,
Don't walk behind me,
I may not lead,
Just walk besides me
And be my friend
Always